We're both sick, but I'm doing everything.

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

I promise I'll stop posting as much once he goes back to work! I just have nobody to talk to IRL

So DH and I are both sick. Snotty noses, sore throats, tired all the time. And for the last three days I've been doing most of the stuff that needs doing. I get up first thing with DS because he won't, I sort food, I even attempted some housework yesterday (only because I tripped over a pile of toys in the hall and nearly did myself an injury!) DH has slept in until lunchtime, then curled up on the sofa and watched tv for the rest of the day. Every day. He won't even make me a bloody cup of tea, even though I've been on constant hot drink duty.

The worst part is that he'll shake this thing, then bugger off back to work, leaving me still feeling rotten and taking care of DS. Not that it makes much difference.

I just want to curl up in bed and sleep until I feel better.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Have you spoken to him about it?

[ImperialBlether]

He sounds absolutely selfish. Has this behaviour now come as a shock to you?

[Squidstirfry]

He probably thinks he is 'worse' than you are as you keep getting up to do everything! You need to be more assertive.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

I haven't seen any of your other threads but 48 hours of being attended to for a nasty cold for an adult sounds ample. By the sound of it you are somehow solely responsible for DS in spite of being unwell yourself? Why would you provide waitress service to DH? Okay enough already. Don't be a martyr - down tools, go out leaving DS with Daddy as soon as DH wakes up.

[ImperialBlether]

But she doesn't want to go out, Donkeys! She's not well. She doesn't want to wait for her husband to wake up in his own sweet time, either.

[twizzleship]

for gods sake STOP doing things for him-you're enabling his selfish behaviour and then you moan about it - are you secretly enjoying playing the martyr? Tell him to wait on himself!

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

It's not a massive shock, no, but it doesn't stop it being annoying.

It's hard to be assertive feeling this rough - the fight would take energy that I don't have, it's easier to just get on with it.

I'm not exactly waiting on him - I make a hot drink for myself, and he says "while you're boiling the kettle..." Neither of us are eating much, it's just DS I'm properly taking care of.

I'm just so tired, and feverish, and just want to go back to bed. I can hear the fucker snoring

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Do you have a (loud) vacuum cleaner?.... Sounds like that patch of carpet next to the bed needs a bit of a spruce up . Why don't you just tell him 'it's your turn to boil the kettle'? I don't hold with competitive illness or petty tit-for-tat crap but you appear to be coming off considerably worse here and doing nothing about it.

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

I've tried just telling him, but he says "in a minute" and I'm still waiting an hour later. Or he moans that he feels like shit, which I can't deal with on top of a whingey DS. Very tempted by the hoover, it's extremely loud, but I'm not sure I can cope with the row it will cause.

It's really getting to me. This is the man who refuses to take time off work when he's sick, why can't he have the same mentality when he's off?

[kaykayblue]

Stop doing everything then! One of the reasons he is probably being so lazy is because he assumes you feel up to doing everything - since you are doing it.

Go back to bed - wake him up if you need to - and tell him you can't keep doing everything. You are as ill as he is and you need to rest too. He has doing absolutely nothing the last few days and now it's your turn to get some rest. The child is half his, so why the fuck are you doing everything.

If he complains or starts whinging, just get into bed and say "No. I've done my share. Now it's your turn."

Then go to sleep.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Risk a row. What would he do if you weren't there? Starve to death? Doubt it...

[Crinkle77]

I would flatly refuse to get him any food or drinks. What a tosser he is.

[Bogeyface]

Go for the blazing row option.

Lay it out as clear as you can.

"Over the last three days I have done everything. I am ill too and you are being incredibly selfish. I am going back to bed and I will stay there until I am better, its your turn now. I dont care what you have to do as you didnt care what I had to do. Oh and by the way, if you need to take time off work then do it because I am now off sick".

He is doing this because you are letting him. Moaning about it and then doing nothing is just perpetuating his belief that he has the right to be looked after and you have the right to look after him.

Either stop it now or stop moaning about it!

[Quitelikely]

He's a father is he? Hmmm he doesn't seem to be acting like one. Sounds like your a single parent to me. He can only get away with this because you allow it. Put your foot down, tell him you need to go to sleep and he needs to look after his son while you do that. If he refuses to look after his own son then you have got a big problem IMO. I mean what is the point of his being there if there is no partnership. And you don't have to be ill to need a lie down. If you want an hour to yourself then you should be entitled to it.

[ImperialBlether]

Exactly what Bogeyface said. Go for the row, say what you need to say and then get into bed and stay there for as long as he has.

[TheWitchwithNoName]

I'd book yourself a Doctors appointment and then leave DS with DH for as long as you can get away with - have a coffee, sit in the park. Then he might realise how difficult it is looking after a little one when your sick!

My OH is like this, I have a life-long condition now though so he has kicked himself a little.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Imperial yes got that but I thought if OP attempted to stay in the house recovering, doubtless her DH would still send in DS to her or play at His Royal Incapacitatedness yet further. Feeling crappy isn't likely to incentivise anyone to go out so see why OP isn't keen on vamoosing.

Have to say am reminded of competitive tiredness threads.

Is he actually on leave then? Tough being poorly on holiday, but he can't blank out home life with an infant the whole week? Better fire up the vacuum cleaner.

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

Right, he's finally up, I've dosed myself up with lemsip and gone back to bed. So far DS has come in twice wanting to play, and DH has complained about how hard it is when he's sick. No shit

[ImperialBlether]

Is he on sick leave or holiday leave at the moment?

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

Holiday. Sods law, isn't it, as soon as he has time off we end up ill.

[kaykayblue]

I hope you gave him an icy "Oh really? I didn't realise. Having done it alone myself for the last X number of days".

[Hissy]

You need to draw up a rota of lie ins and child caring duty.
Divide the day up and assign slots.

If poss plan meals that either of you can pull together

[Jux]

When he says "while you're at it ....." just say "no, it's your turn. And while you're at it you can do x and y and z because that's what I've been doing for days. I'm not your skivvy, I'm sick too. This is your child too, act like an adult or go back to your mum until you're able to behave like a grown up instead of a spoilt brat."

Or don't. Have the talk; much more sensible.

[PfftTheMagicDraco]

You are being a martyr. You want to go back to bed? GO!

if you walk around doing things, then it's going to look like you aren't feeling that well. If you need him to get out of bed and do some stuff, just tell him! He's not a mind reader. Do you expect him to pick up on your passive aggressive vibes and just start moving around?

Just talk to him. You're both grown people ffs.

[Yama]

Is he actually ill or is he just not wanting to do his fair share during his holiday? Either way, he sounds awful.