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Met guy online 6 months ago....

(229 Posts)
LittleLadyFooFoo Tue 24-Jun-14 20:43:27

...and I've just seen he has activated his profile yesterday! He's been online last night after he told me he was having an early night.
We have been together for 6 months exclusively. As far as I was concerned, everything was great. He's loving, caring, affectionate...and I thought honest and trustworthy.
He will be calling me tonight. How do I broach the subject that I saw him online dating?
(Reason I saw him was my friend is online dating on the same site, and she was showing me her profile and messages. That's when I saw him online. Was a real shock).
Any advice as to what to say to him is welcome. Thanks.

TheWorldAccordingToJC Tue 24-Jun-14 20:56:03

' hello. My friend was showing me her dating profile yesterday and I noticed that you'd updated your profile and were active on there. Why is this? '

You know why though. He's keeping his options open and needs to be given the old heave oh I should think. Don't be fobbed off. Be clear, direct and don't take any bullshit

LittleLadyFooFoo Tue 24-Jun-14 21:08:10

Thanks....I'm so disappointed as he seemed such a good guy. He called but I missed the call. Now it's gone onto answer machine. Will have to wait till tomorrow. Or do I text?

zukkermaus Tue 24-Jun-14 21:51:54

Bit of benefit of the doubt needed here I think.

Maybe he was checking to see if he had a message from you? Maybe he was showing a friend this cool dating site he met the lady of his dreams through? All kinds of reasons why he would show as active. Don't be so hasty. At least let the dude explain.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 24-Jun-14 21:53:46

Yes, let him explain. But polish up your bullshit detector first.

Rachie1986 Tue 24-Jun-14 21:55:20

No harm in asking him before you decide what to do.

Update us?

LizzieBelle Tue 24-Jun-14 22:00:23

Its like going on a picnic - you find a nice spot (the girl), but you cant help just seeing what's around the corner just incase its a nicer place to sit.

He found you on there, so hes thinking he may get lucky again. I don't know why they do it, but they forget everyone can see it. Give him a chance to explain and you will know from his reaction why...

good luck xsmile

LittleLadyFooFoo Tue 24-Jun-14 23:24:37

Thank you all for your advice. I didnt get the chance to speak to him tonight. He text to say he will call tomorrow (he works away M-F). It was his usual friendly type text.
I dont have a dating profile. I deleted it soon after we met. So he wouldnt be checking messages from me. I was able to see his online activity through my friend's profile. He was online from about 9 till 11pm last night and around 7.30 - 8 pm tonight.
Im not in love with him but i do really like him alot. Its around a year since I separated and he is a widower.
I will let you know how I get on tomorrow.

LittleLadyFooFoo Wed 25-Jun-14 16:23:25

Just checked and hes been online again so will definitely be having a word tonight. Will update.

TalisaMaegyr Wed 25-Jun-14 16:54:46

Good luck, we shall wait for your update. Hope it all goes well.

SassyPasty Wed 25-Jun-14 17:03:30

I would wait until you can speak face to face so that you can gauge body language.

Onesleeptillwembley Wed 25-Jun-14 17:09:41

I was going to say he may be deleting his profile but obviously not. I'd have minimal contact this week, plead illness/bad throat so cant speak, watch his profile and actually ask him face to face at weekend, to see his reaction. wine

HopefulMum111 Wed 25-Jun-14 17:32:28

Why don't you re activate your profile and send him a message...

ImperialBlether Wed 25-Jun-14 17:39:14

I don't know why he's still got a profile if he's seeing you.

He may have initially gone on because he had an email saying someone had written to him or viewed him or whatever. I think most people would then go on and have a look. But he's spent several hours on there - even if he went on and then left it on accidentally, he still went on several times over a couple of days.

cozietoesie Wed 25-Jun-14 17:43:13

It sounds just as if, I'm afraid, he's past the first flush and is putting himself back in it. Maybe he missed some thrill or something.

By all means ask him what's going on but as someone said upthread, keep that bullshit detector highly polished.

LittleLadyFooFoo Wed 25-Jun-14 20:20:18

Just sent a text. No reply and checked online and hes on right now... think i have my answer. I dont know if i will see him this weekend so I need to ask him.

Could your friend not send him a message,? & see what he comes back with.

Quitelikely Wed 25-Jun-14 20:31:54

Good idea flatbellybella!!

LittleLadyFooFoo Wed 25-Jun-14 20:33:45

i did think about that...but he knows her and Im not sure. He would recognise her. Im so disappointed with him. I supported him at a very difficult time in his life. He said he realised that what he has with me is not easy to find. So much for my trust/honesty radar!!

Pinklaydee1302 Wed 25-Jun-14 21:00:05

I'd set up a fake profile n message him. Serves him right!

LittleLadyFooFoo Wed 25-Jun-14 21:21:34

Ok...I've set up a fake profile...eek! What do I say?

cozietoesie Wed 25-Jun-14 21:22:56

Finding out now is hard but better, I think, than finding out a year or two down the line when you might be even more intertwined than you are now.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Wed 25-Jun-14 21:23:15

Ooh sleuthing! Just send him a nice flirty message. Or just view his profile and see whether he messages yours.

ImperialBlether Wed 25-Jun-14 21:24:27

I think your friend should view his profile to let him know you've copped onto him.

msrisotto Wed 25-Jun-14 21:24:33

Don't play games. Just talk to him.

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