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Friend's mentally abusive cocklodger is refusing to leave her house. What are her rights?

(47 Posts)
Milmingebag Tue 24-Jun-14 12:40:40

This is a follow on from another thread I started recently. The good news is my friend has reached the end with this relationship. She is heavily pregnant and he is routinely verbally abusing her and refusing to do even the bare minimum he agreed in terms of housework.He now works 2.5 hrs a day as a cleaner as he lost his morning cleaning job from being an arse.

The facts are that she owns the house. He isn't on the council tax list or electoral role because he refused to go on them.he pays no rent or bills.

She asked him to leave a few days ago which he did (well he stormed out after she hid the modem) and she locked the house up. At two in the morning he scaled onto her flat roof and let himself into the house via the bedroom window in the room she was sleeping.This really frightened my friend who asked him to leave. He refused. He then went onto say that she had ' nobility in her womb but that she was a peasant', at which point my friend locked her self in her bathroom and called the police as he looked unhinged.

The police came and said he had a right to stay as he lives there and because he had done her no physical harm there was little they could do. Is this right?

He ticks just about every box on those emotional/financial abuse checklists but owing to the nature of the abuse it is hard to prove until it becomes physical.

He has a criminal record for domestic abuse-false imprisonment, assault, resisting arrest and on his CRB it mentions that he went for a knife when the police were attempting to restrain him.

He is in her house, ringing helplines claiming he is the victim of abuse and claiming he has a right to a decent period of notice. Her dad is there now keeping an eye on the situation.I think he is unhinged and am going down this weekend to support my friend.

Any advice would be really helpful x

DeepThought Tue 24-Jun-14 12:47:42

Are they married?

I would advise her to call Womens Aid.
This man is abusive and she needs it logged.
She then needs to call 101 and tell them that this man is refusing to leave.
It's not his house and has no right to be there if she doesn't want him there.

At this point I would go for bully boy tactics. Are there any other male friends around her?
She needs to get them all round and they need to 'make' him leave and let him know that if he tries anything at all again they will be back!
Sorry, but I would!

glasgowstevenagain Tue 24-Jun-14 12:59:57

I expect to get flamed

But I would phone the police - if I was her -

and say

"He punched me this morning - witnessed by my father - he will get arrested and imprisoned until trial (with his previous)"

And while she is speaking to Womens Aid she needs to get herself onto the Freedom Programme.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 24-Jun-14 13:03:48

Would support the idea to contact Womens Aid 0808 2000 247. In addition, I think the duty police were quite wrong and that she should contact the 101 non-emergency number, ask for the DV unit and tell them that she's telling him to leave, that he has a criminal record and that he's abusive. If he goes out or if the police take him away she should lock the place more firmly. Any attempts to break back in and she gets back onto the police again and again until they take it seriously.

Glad she has her father with her.

Miggsie Tue 24-Jun-14 13:04:44

Actually he has no right to stay in a house where he is not registered as the owner and the legal owner wants him out - he is an illegal tenant/squatter. The police were talking crap.

Womens Aid can advise on the legal side - she is within her rights to sell the house even with him living in it. Someone I know did this to get rid of their boyfriend.

Milmingebag Tue 24-Jun-14 13:08:00

No not married.

He is turning the emotional thumbscrews at the moment and loudly sobbing which is making my friend feels guilty.

She has sat down with him today and asked him to leave and he tried deflecting but her dad stepped in and demanded he give a date when he is leaving and he said today.

Bizarrely he then started reading a witness statement in front of them he had gleaned from Shelter about his housing rights.

I don't think he will just go.

Milmingebag Tue 24-Jun-14 13:10:18

I have told my friend about my two threads so hopefully she will come on here for some support.

The other thread is the 'Aspects of history are repeating' one I first wrote on here that I have flagged onto this page.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 24-Jun-14 13:11:16

Of course he won't just go. Getting rid of a cocklodger is like trying to squash a cat into a carrying case.... they cling on with their nasty claws! I think between her, you and Dad it should be possible to strong-arm him out of the door. Do give that 101 number a call though. You need the DV team rather than the run of the mill copper who - as I've discovered recently - are not all that clued up. Tell him housing rights do not apply when the occupant is a) unwanted and b) is abusing the owner.

petalsandstars Tue 24-Jun-14 13:13:05

She needs to ring the police and speak to the dv department and get it recorded. Also get her to make a request under clares law to get it formally known about his past, and get it logged that she is in fear of him.

And keep her dad there till he goes

petalsandstars Tue 24-Jun-14 13:15:49

She needs to ring the police and speak to the dv department and get it recorded. Also get her to make a request under clares law to get it formally known about his past, and get it logged that she is in fear of him.

And keep her dad there till he goes

HayDayQueen Tue 24-Jun-14 13:25:05

The police are talking out of their arse I'm afraid.

He is an excluded tenant, ie a lodger.

As long as reasonable notice has been given, she can turf him out. She CAN'T use physical force, but she can change the locks to keep him out.

He has now broken in and he should be arrested for that.

HayDayQueen Tue 24-Jun-14 13:25:45

And THAT information is from the Shelter website!!!!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 24-Jun-14 13:40:44

Oh dear. Can't believe the police refused to help the first time. Do not lay hands on him he will cry assault.

If she's heavily pregnant I imagine he hopes he can delay his departure so when she has their baby he will claim some right to stay with them?

He doesn't have squatter's rights, he wasn't her tenant. He uses her home like a hotel, no hotel would put up a guest for free. I suggest that she phone the police again and say she is the householder, he entered the house without her consent, and ask for their help in evicting him.

Does he have a key? (Not that he used one last time).

Milmingebag Tue 24-Jun-14 13:41:05

What constitutes 'reasonable notice' though?

I think he should have been treated as an intruder when he climbed in her window and also taken off for a psychiatric assessment.

I think from other stuff she has told me he is very unwell mentally and I'm worried about what he is capable of doing as he already has a criminal record for abuse and no real prospects,so very little to lose.

He spends hours a day online gaming and looking at conspiracy websites such that, I suspect, his grasp on reality has gone.

Milmingebag Tue 24-Jun-14 13:44:22

Yes he has a key. He has been living there just over six months.

She pays all the bills, buys food, runs a car.

He works a couple of hours a day and then spends the rest of his time online.

HecatePropylaea Tue 24-Jun-14 13:48:50

I think that she should call the police back, give them all the information about him and say that he HAS no rights and explain why, say that he has been given notice and at this point he is a trespasser and she is afraid for her safety and she needs their help.

Maybe she needs the help of women's aid, or a solicitor to help to explain to the police the difference between someone who has a claim to a home and someone who does not.

HecatePropylaea Tue 24-Jun-14 13:50:26

failing that, does she have half a dozen big burly mates who can assist him in relocating?...

HayDayQueen Tue 24-Jun-14 13:50:28

Reasonable notice is hard to say if he doesn't pay rent. Usually it would be the frequency by which he pays rent.

I'm guessing a week would be sufficient, unless she fears for her safety, in which case a day or two should be sufficient.

From the website:

There are no set rules about what is reasonable. It depends on:
the length of time you have been living there
the length of time between rent payments
whether you have been getting on with your landlord
how quickly the landlord needs someone else to move in
your behaviour.

A Court Order is NOT needed to evict a lodger. Eviction Doesn't have to be a written notice, verbal is fine.

As he's already broken in, the next time he leaves she needs to change the locks, notify the police on the non emergency number that she has done so and that last time she tried to evict him he broke back in.

Once he's past the notice period, she should then change the locks next time he's out of the house.

Here's the linky

HayDayQueen Tue 24-Jun-14 13:51:22

Actually, ignore the last sentence, she should just change the locks.

He is WELL past his notice period.

ChelsyHandy Tue 24-Jun-14 13:55:32

Astonished that the police didn't accompany him out. Or remove him by force if necessary. That is the correct course of action if he has no rental contract and he is putting her in a state of fear and alarm. If he has no contract, there is no requirement to notice.

Charley50 Tue 24-Jun-14 13:55:39

I hope her dad can stay with her for a while she must be terrified. The police need to be called again to get him out. She should tell them if his past convictions. I think he also needs a mental health assessment. Sound like he is quite delusional. This is awful. She can't deal with this scary man alone.

Charley50 Tue 24-Jun-14 13:57:28

You're a good friend and it's so good she made the decision to get rid of him, however hard it will be.

Itsfab Tue 24-Jun-14 14:01:05

Tell her to stop feeling guilty about his fake tears. She is silly to fall for his abusive controlling ways.

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