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Ex has done something horrific.... wwyd? Warning, graphic. ***[Edited by MNHQ STRONG WARNING - POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING]***

(306 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 22-Jun-14 21:52:01

I am horrified, ex-p has hospitalised some poor girl he's been sleeping with. They were having very rough sex and he has severely damaged her insides. I get the impression this is someone he has been meeting up with specifically for rough sex so it was consensual and entirely accidental. He is mortified and has spent the whole night and day in hospital with her.

We have only been split up for 4 months and he's been sleeping around loads. It doesn't bother me but we also have a 2yo dd together so I have to prioritise her.

He is already having counselling and anger management and has just been told by his therapist to go to the gp regarding sex addiction.

Wwyd? I am in shock. I don't know what to do for best. I have to know what happens with it all so I can make decisions regarding him seeing dd but I don't want to get too involved. The whole thing makes me feel a bit sick sad

Cardinal Sun 22-Jun-14 21:53:54

I don't really know what you can do, other than protect your daughter. How awful though.

He absolutely does need the sex therapy. It's fine being genuinely into sex of that type, but not having the control and self awareness to see that it's going to far is scary.

I hope the poor girl makes a fully recovery. So sad for her . thanks

TalisaMaegyr Sun 22-Jun-14 21:54:05

WTF??

Pennastucky Sun 22-Jun-14 21:54:35

No real advice, but that is pretty grim. He has anger issues and is having sex so rough that he damages a woman's insides? He doesnt sound like a nice person or someone that is safe to be around - for you or your child.

JustTheRightBullets Sun 22-Jun-14 21:59:07

There is even a chance he may find himself charged with a crime. As I understand it, legally it isn't possible to consent to being assaulted, particularly if it the assault is so bad it results in hospitalisation.

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 22-Jun-14 22:01:04

I know, its awful. I must point out that sex of this type was most definitely not a feature of our relationship when we were together!

We split up because he was verbally and emotionally abusive. So yeah, he has a lot of isdues.

Wow, you are well shot of this man!

What I would advise you to do at present is keep your distance from him. It's not, actually, your problem or your business. He may be charged with assault, he may be imprisoned, but it really isn't anything to do with you. But he's clearly an arsehole so you would be best off minimizing contact with him anyway. You don't need to hear about his bad behaviour, or his sex life, and it's not your responsibility to 'forgive' him for the harm he has done another person, or to listen to him. He's your XP. Step well away.

As to whether or not he gets to see DD - if you don't trust him, you can insist on supervised contact on the grounds that he might be dangerous.

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 22-Jun-14 22:05:28

I thought about the crime thing too. I reported him to the police when we broke up as he did some stupid harassment type stuff so he might already be on the system so to speak. I only reported it though and he stopped with that type of behaviour without the police even needing to contact him.

hellymelly Sun 22-Jun-14 22:05:40

Oh good grief, how "rough" does sex have to be to seriously damage someone internally? How can a penis even do that much damage? That is more than rough, that is truly horrifying. I agree that he may be charged with assault, and so he should be. The consensual bit is a red herring, even if someone begged you to bash them over the head with a brick, you would obviously not do it, as it would be highly likely to kill them. So he has no control, deep anger towards his sexual partner, and a very twisted view of women. Do you really want him near your dd? However "sorry" he is. He clearly wasn't sorry when he was doing whatever damaged this woman so badly that she is in hospital. Frightening, frankly op. What is your gut feeling on this? Horrendous for you, I am so sorry.

KellyHopter Sun 22-Jun-14 22:08:14

Consensual and entirely accidental?

She consented to being injured and hospitalised?

How do you know the details, did he tell you?

WanderingTrolley1 Sun 22-Jun-14 22:15:03

I would never be able look at him the same way again and, I'd fear any contact he had with my daughter, if I were you.

ICanHearYou Sun 22-Jun-14 22:16:50

Oh dear sad how awful

I remember a while ago a young man had killed his girlfriend during anal sex, completely accidentally

MoonshineWashingLine Sun 22-Jun-14 22:16:51

It wasn't his penis that did it... he was using another part of his body. Shudder.

I don't know what my gut feeling is. He came by to pick up some clothes today (he's still got some of his stuff here) as I live near the hosp and he lives miles away. He looked awful. He is clearly mortified and he was very tearful and said he's never having sex again. I gather they had been drinking as he stank of alcohol.

He said thank you to me a million times for letting him have a wash and get changed. I am hoping this will be some kind of wake up call for him.

JustTheRightBullets Sun 22-Jun-14 22:20:53

According to Wikipedia:

"British law does not recognize the possibility of consenting toactual bodily harm. Such acts are illegal, even between consenting adults, and these laws are enforced (R v Brownbeing the leading case)."

fairgroundsnack Sun 22-Jun-14 22:24:48

That's right - the law in Brown stands and it had fact not hugely dissimilar - you can't consent to GBH basically.

AnyFucker Sun 22-Jun-14 22:29:36

You are letting this violent sexual criminal use your washing facilities ?

Why ?

HilariousInHindsight Sun 22-Jun-14 22:31:06

It must have been pretty violent to cause that much damage.

I'd keep my distance and watch what happens.

JustTheRightBullets Sun 22-Jun-14 22:31:09

^ this

'Mortified' seems a bit understated when compared to how he should be feeling.

HilariousInHindsight Sun 22-Jun-14 22:31:14

It must have been pretty violent to cause that much damage.

I'd keep my distance and watch what happens.

Vajazzler Sun 22-Jun-14 22:33:57

That sounds horrific. Poor girl :-( whatever kind of sex you consent to it doesn't include internal assault. Was he fisting her?

RollerCola Sun 22-Jun-14 22:35:15

Jesus you need to distance yourself from him NOW. How on earth do you know all these details? Has he told you?? WHY has he told you??

He is your ex for a reason. My heart goes out to the poor poor girl but he really shouldn't be telling you this stuff. Stop contact with him, this is hideous. You need to protect your daughter, she is your immediate priority. He might be charged with all sorts of sexual crimes, you need to step right away from him and speak to a professional about how this affects his relationship with your dd.

Hope you're ok, how horrible. Really nasty stuff.

teaandthorazine Sun 22-Jun-14 22:36:29

He's sexually violent, requires anger management courses and drinks heavily? This is a no-brainer, sorry OP. He shouldn't be anywhere near you or dd. Or any woman, imo.

You must be absolutely shocked to the core. But you need to ask yourself, what benefits would a man like his bring to your dd's life?

Helpys Sun 22-Jun-14 22:41:42

SS would be extremely worried to hear you're having any contact at all with him. It's quite likely that this could result in a criminal conviction and him being placed on the sex offenders register. You need to put in place now measures to be seen to keep him away from your dcs.

Layl77 Sun 22-Jun-14 22:42:53

It is vile and sickening but what I find strange is why has he told you the details? That's odd. Wouldn't he just at his girlfriend or whatever is in hospital? It's almost boastful

ItsMyFuckingWedding Sun 22-Jun-14 22:43:12

Jesus.

He clearly has some issues, I don't think we should berate the OP for letting him use her shower though. Issues aside it sounds like it got waaaay out of hand and he has no respect for women and is pretty fucking vile but that doesn't mean he would physically assault the op or her DD.

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