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Poo hitting the fan with SIL and BIL

(14 Posts)
Livvylongpants Tue 17-Jun-14 21:08:49

Me and SIL (dh sister) generally have a pretty good relationship. Me and DP have been together 7 years and have 2 DC (21/2 and 9months) plus 1 on the way.

We've previously got on great with BIL, best mates with DP, best man at BIL wedding etc but lately he's been really snidey and today DP has essentially had enough and phoned SIL and BIL to ask what the problem is. Which has culminated in SIL calling me a shit stirring bitch and have a feeling this could make a once close relationship totally NC

Examples:
BIL telling me at 6 months pregnant that having DC2 would be the worst thing we ever did as we weren't raising DD properly (co sleeping, DD is generally. Very full on toddler and has been a whirlwind since about 18 months)

Telling DSS mum we don't look after him properly, don't feed him, his rooms a state etc (his room can be a state he's 13 ffs)

Telling DP I'm lazy as when he was round here doing work I was MNetting while the kids napped (of course he exaggerated to make it sound like I ignore kids and sit on phone all day)

Telling DP he'll make DSS gay as he hugs him too much and he coslept occasionally until he was 10 (DSS has SEN and often had bad nightmares)

There's more but this is long as it is. We're we being harsh to have finally had enough of these comments!

Quitelikely Tue 17-Jun-14 22:10:52

How were you shi& stirring? Was there a significant occurrence that made them snap?

This looks like tit for tat to me! Can't yous just iron it out and move forward. Life can be difficult when family relationships go to pot

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 17-Jun-14 22:19:20

Sorry but I'm confused

How has this suddenly arisen? Can you provide some context?

TBH, I wouldn't really want much to do with them - bear being polite and civil - after the gay comment

HecatePropylaea Tue 17-Jun-14 22:22:17

No, you certainly aren't being harsh to refuse to accept those sort of comments. They are awful comments for them to make.

Charlesroi Tue 17-Jun-14 22:27:31

They sound like something has tipped them over the edge, but I can't see how it's your fault Do they have children? Do they want children and maybe having a few problems, see your expanding family and resent it?

I'd probably avoid them if possible

Livvylongpants Tue 17-Jun-14 22:40:08

They have 2 DS's now teenagers. dP finally got fed up today when BIL made a comment about DD touching some stuff he'd left here and promised to move over a month ago.

It was DP that snapped and phoned them

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 17-Jun-14 22:53:21

How very odd for them to go from being very friendly to very, well, nasty confused.

I wonder if either you or your DP might have done or said something offensive without realising it? Is there anything, looking back, that they could have been upset by?

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Tue 17-Jun-14 22:55:35

So you say you got on great, then list loads of examples of how the pair of them are complete twats?

NC sounds just dandy! Fill your boots, I'd say!

Livvylongpants Tue 17-Jun-14 23:00:47

We had a pretty good relationship the first 6 years, just the past year or so they've been like this. DP a theory is... They've always been in a position where they have had a nicer house, more money, better lifestyle etc, the past year we've moved into a bigger house, both got jobs (though I'm on mat leave) and they don't like it.

Nc works well for me, but I know it'll hurt DP as him and his sister have always been really close and is is mostly to do with BIL.

Justfuckitupagain Wed 18-Jun-14 05:07:45

Er, what the hell are you supposed to have done to deserve being called a shit stirring bitch? Sorry if I've missed it but I can't understand how it is that your DP snapped (quite rightly IMHO) and yet you're the one getting the blame?

SanityClause Wed 18-Jun-14 06:09:46

I always get blamed by MIL for any decisions DH and I make that she isn't happy about. I have changed him, apparently. hmm

This is very hard on your DH, as it is his family who are being horrible. You have to take his lead and support him in this.

And be polite but firm with them if they criticise your choices. You won't feel better about the situation by being rude to them. Equally, you don't have to sit back and accept nastiness, either. (Easier said than done, I know.)

SanityClause Wed 18-Jun-14 06:11:50

And frankly, if they are criticising you to DSS's mum, they are the ones doing the shit stirring!

Livvylongpants Wed 18-Jun-14 11:26:25

I'm accused of being a shit stirrer as I told DP what had been said, ( I was very upset about the baby comment) and also because BIL said he didn't say them/ didn't say them in that context.

I'm certainly not rude to them etc, in fact I hate confrontation so have never said anything bar to DP who's more hotheaded than I am and less scared of SIL. I'm such a wimp.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Wed 18-Jun-14 14:26:13

So, they are free to criticise and bad-mouth you as long as you don't share any of this with your DP? I know who the shit-stirrers are and it's not you.

I would gently suggest that DP is free to have contact with his sister if that's what he wants, but to keep BIL at arm's-length. You can go NC with both if you think that's best. After all this nonsense I wouldn't want to breathe the same air as either of them.

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