Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

New man: just sex?

(43 Posts)
Ships99 Tue 17-Jun-14 18:39:19

I've met a new man via OLD. He's attractive to me and we seem to get on well... Texted lots and lots over the last month. Met once in a pub and once at his house where we DTD.
I've been hurt before and I do want the contact and affection from a normal relationship. He texted today with "I don't have time to 'date'. I have little free time so in that time i would rather have 'sexy fun' than sit in a pub or have a meal. Im not closed to a relationship... Just dont feel i can commit anwhere enough time but if i ended up in a relationship i'd be happy"....
I do like him and the sex was good... But should I bin and move on???

AuntieStella Tue 17-Jun-14 18:42:00

If you want ongoing NSA sex and like him, then why not.

If you want a relationship, this is not a starter.

foadmn Tue 17-Jun-14 18:42:11

That depends on whether you want a 'shag only' relationship, doesn't it? If you like him and will be hoping for more, run for the hills as he doesn't intend to provide anything but the penis.

Personally, at the moment, I'd take what was going. But I'm a bit low today. On my better days I'd just say 'Get lost'.

mammadiggingdeep Tue 17-Jun-14 19:00:14

I dont like that text. I think he's obviously within his rights to ask for NSA sex but if I was in the receiving end of that text I'd take it as I was worth a shag but not actually worth investing a bit of time in.

Unless all you're looking for is a totally sex based casual fuck buddy type thing, then I'd get rid.

Jamie1981 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:04:49

The decent thing to do would have been to discuss it with you before the event, not afterward.

MwahMum Tue 17-Jun-14 19:06:06

i would rather have 'sexy fun' than sit in a pub or have a meal.

If a guy said that to me I couldn't see myself speaking to him again, I think that's pretty disrespectful.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 17-Jun-14 19:06:51

Sorry but I would dump anyone idiotic enough to use the phrase 'sexy fun'... hmm He sounds like an arse.

iwantgin Tue 17-Jun-14 19:07:24

Dump him.

You want a relationship. You said so in your first post. This guy doesn't want the same.

It would be easier to cut your losses now and find a man who does want to spend time with you doing things other than shagging.

T

KellyHopter Tue 17-Jun-14 19:10:34

He's basically telling you he'd carry on having sex with you but any non-sexual time spent in your company is a waste.

He's foul for wanting to have sex with someone he won't even go for a drink with and is hoping you're just as soulless/needy to fit in with that.

He is a charmless div.

FrontForward Tue 17-Jun-14 19:15:04

I'd bin and move on. Having a quick one with someone who has no time for me unless they are shagging isn't my idea of being cherished.

Pinklaydee1302 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:19:50

Not worth the head space and it won't get better. Decent men want to take you out....cock heads don't hmm

He's a dick. If he only wanted NSA he should have let you know before you shagged

greedygal Tue 17-Jun-14 19:43:18

He shagged you, wasn't THAT impressed and has now decided that you might do. . . as a FB. Sorry OP but that is the harsh truth.

Bin him.

arsenaltilidie Tue 17-Jun-14 20:00:43

Yeah next time don't sleep with them early IF you want a relationship.
It gives you a bit more time to see their true colours.

As for this man, he does not want a relationship and chances are it has nothing to do with you.

arsenaltilidie Tue 17-Jun-14 20:07:30

Don't listen to Greedy, men don't have shit sex.
He just does not want a relationship, especially if he is telling you this early on.
If he was a dick as some people are making him out to be, then he could have easily strung you along ie. just invite you to his.
However do not be attempted to think you can change him.

brokenhearted55a Tue 17-Jun-14 20:08:40

One of mine from last year is back on the scene. Both single. Dont think he wants more than sex. But we've both changed in a year anything could happen I guess. He said the sex was amazing though. I dont know what to do.

If he's ending it after sex I'd guess he wasnt impressed with it

MardyPants Tue 17-Jun-14 20:14:20

Men like this give me the absolute steaming steam-coming-out-of-ears rage.

Tell him to FFFFFFFFUFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK OOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF from me, if not from you.

Cunt on a fucking stick is what I think.

Lovingfreedom Tue 17-Jun-14 20:17:42

'Sexy fun?' Ew....?!?

KellyHopter Tue 17-Jun-14 20:19:07

Arsenaltilidie - wanting nsa sex is fine, it's the 'I'll fuck you but I'm not interested in spending any time with you' that's reflecting badly on him.

What kind of person wants to fuck someone they don't even like?

Beautifulmonster Tue 17-Jun-14 20:21:48

He had sex with you then told you he doesn't actually want to go out. He could have told you that before! Just the type to meet someone else quickly then get all loved up and post happy pictures of him and new gf on Facebook.

Branleuse Tue 17-Jun-14 20:21:55

id bin him. Youre not in a place to be mucked around. Nothing wrong with nsa sex if that's what you both want, but i think what hes offering would do your head in, and hes a shit for saying that after the deed

mrsbrownsgirls Tue 17-Jun-14 20:27:16

tell him you want an open relationship.
"the door's open. Now fuck off"

Chaseface Tue 17-Jun-14 20:51:19

Dump him.

Wanting a NSA relationship is fine. But you have to be up-front about that from the beginning and not be so blatant about the fact that spending any clothed time with the other person makes you want to pull your eyelashes out.

Also "sexy fun" is a dumpable offence in itself.

greedygal Tue 17-Jun-14 21:18:04

Don't listen to arsenaltilidie - men DO have shit sex (not that I said thats what he had in my original reply). If they are in the mood, men can have sex with a woman they do not like. It is just friction and full balls that need emptying to them. Revolting I know but true.

He does not like you but wants to have uncomplicated free sex with you because you were OK.

Ive said it before . . .bin him.

Pinklaydee1302 Tue 17-Jun-14 21:20:53

Sound advice arsenal tide. Believe what a man tells you when it comes to what they want !

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now