Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Social services threatening child protection plan if husband doesn't move out

(103 Posts)
BelleBoyd Sat 14-Jun-14 05:47:46

It's a long story-posted about this before.
But in summary we have a 4 year old DD and 3 month DS. My husband rang the HV when DS was 3 weeks old after an argument to tell them I wasn't coping ( untrue btw ), which then led to an emergency visit from HV to see me getting ready to go out shopping with DD and DS all peaceful and fine. I told the HV there had been arguing and that DD had probably been able to hear it on occasion. She then referred us to SS.
So anyway there is a lot of background-H has had mental health and addiction issues and has been verbally abusive to me-more so since getting pregnant. And has been calling family, friends of mine and GP etc to say I'm mentally ill..
So I've not been sure of of what's been going on with SS. They said they were doing a family assesment but that was 2 months ago. I did speak to them on the phone a few weeks ago and told them H had moved out for a while due to the arguing.
I had a missed call from them yesterday and then they came round a few hours later as I hadn't returned the call ( they didn't leave a message ).
The SW was surprised to see H here -he only moved out for a week , and told me the children were under a child in need plan and if H moved out they would drop the case otherwise they would put them under a child protection plan.
H after agreeing initially to seperation is now saying he won't be bullied by them to move out.
Should have I received any documentation from the SS? I feel confused by it all.

Tealady1983 Sat 14-Jun-14 05:55:33

Firstly I am so sorry your having to deal with this instead of enjoying your new family. Your husband sounds like as arse! regardless of social services involvement do you really want to be with a man that makes out your crazy! If he won't put his children first an leave, you pack a bag and go. Social will support you in leaving as will woman's aid. Get you and your babies away and start to build a new life as a family of 3

BelleBoyd Sat 14-Jun-14 06:49:28

Thankyou, yes I agree I don't want to be with him but I am really daunted to leave my house-took me years to buy this house and I love it. It's in my name. I don't want to disrupt my DDs life more than I have to...she would be very upset to leave and we'd have to go to a refuge as no one I know can cope with the 3 of us!
I'm hoping he'll see sense and leave. He has seen a place to rent nearby-really cheap room. He has the money to get something better and his family are quite wealthy and could help him out but he says he won't waste money on rent! He's quite hard to reason with.

Needadvice5 Sat 14-Jun-14 06:57:05

If ss are talking about taking it up to the next level then there must be real concerns about the safety and well being of your dc.

you really need to comply because you'll be seen as failing to protect your dc.

He's gonna have to move out, can you get his family on side and maybe they will support you??

OK so - you don't want to be with him, social services are questioning your ability to parent because of his presence in the house, and the only thing that stops this from being resolved is his refusal to leave?

Have you asked social services for advice on how to get him to leave? Have you explained to them you want him to go but he's refusing?

A quick Google shows there are legal resources available to you.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 14-Jun-14 07:14:28

Have you pointed out this is a result of HIM calling the HV? What does a child protection plan consist of?

If the house is in your name and social services have told you (in writing?) that he needs to move out then surely your first move would be to change the locks whilst he is out one day, and hand him his things when he comes home.

HopOnMyChooChoo Sat 14-Jun-14 07:19:46

You need to speak frankly to his parents and tell them why you must kick him out, and how they must support you in this decision for the sake of their grandchildren. They can take him in or help out financially to enable him to give you the space you need. This has to be non-negotiable. He is not in a position to start calling the shots and being a stubborn arse. If you don't stand up to him you will lose your children. Tell his parents and ask them to help you to make him see sense.

You should not have to lose your home over this, but if the most obvious alternative you can think of is to go to a refuge then this 'arguing' must be very serious indeed, and you CANNOT allow him to stay in the house any longer.

Just pull yourself together, do what you have to do, and don't be manipulated by him.

BelleBoyd Sat 14-Jun-14 07:22:38

I want to comply. I will do anything SS want apart from being seperated from my kids. I want him to leave.
SS hasn't put anything in writing. I'll call them on Monday and try and get some clarification like how long I've got to get him to leave etc.
His family don't talk to me except from polte small talk. They refuse to get involved. And if they did they would support his wishes above mine and the children as they have shown before.
I have a family lawyer friend I'm thinking of calling too.

Whoah - I missed that the house was in the OP's name. Right - so he leaves, you pack his bags, you change the locks. These are your children. If SS think they're at risk, they will remove them if they think you're putting your relationship ahead of your children.

VashtaNerada Sat 14-Jun-14 07:28:25

Hang on, have I missed something here? You're not responsible for his behaviour. Is the action for him or for you? SS need to be explicit on this. You cannot take the blame (or be punished) for what another adult does or doesn't do.

dsteinway Sat 14-Jun-14 07:29:20

If the house is in your name, you can kick him out. Pack all his stuff, out it on the doorstep, change the locks. He can go moan to the police, but they won't do anything. You can also get an emergency order for him to move out. A domestic violence group in your area would be able to tell you how.

I agree with others, why would you let him stay. He sounds like a nightmare and he's going around calling you mentally ill? If he hadn't done that, called the HV, you wouldn't be in this situation.

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 14-Jun-14 07:31:50

If everything's on your name surely the police can get him to leave?

dsteinway Sat 14-Jun-14 07:34:15

I don't understand why you think you can't kick him out. You most definitely can if the house is in your name. Change the locks, pack his stuff, etc. he must leave the house at some point, do it while he's gone. You can also get an emergency protection order by calling a domestic abuse charity. They will tell you how. It will restrict him from being near you.

Oh, and if he's ground you down into thinking you can't possibly get away with doing this - yes you can. Rediscover your spine for the sake of your children. And if you really think he'll kick off, tell your local police when you're going to do it and they'll provide you with support.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 14-Jun-14 07:40:23

They should share the assessment with you as a minimum. It should have been completed within 7 weeks of starting it, have you asked them?
Also, they can't just change the plan to a cp plan without a case conference which you both will be invited to as well as health visitors, school etc. there will be reports and discussion and a reviewing officer will decide whether to upgrade the plan or not.
It will be better for you all if you get H out before this point and avoid the cp plan. However if you can't do it without support then try to look on this as back up rather than intrusion.

BelleBoyd Sat 14-Jun-14 07:41:11

I've just spoken to him-tried to make him see how serious the situation is. But he just says nothing will happen and SS need to tell him what's going on etc. I'm so worried about being seperated from my children it's untrue. But at the same time I want to limit the drama like changing locks etc and want him to leave with some order for the sake of our DD. Have I got till Monday to speak to SS or should I call them today?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 14-Jun-14 07:44:08

By the way if they are married and he has lived there a long time then the fact that the house is in her name means nothing - he still has the right to reside there.
You need to end the relationship and be firm about him moving out. If he won't go then try applying for a court order (occupation order?)

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 14-Jun-14 07:45:35

The social worker won't be working today so wait til Monday.
They can't do anything without holding a case conference which they MUST give you notice for.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 14-Jun-14 07:46:49

Have you actually told him that you want him to move out and end the relationship or have you put it all down to social services?

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Sat 14-Jun-14 07:47:36

Please please listen to what the threaten.

My friend lost two of her children because of her refusal to really leave her dh.

She has lost parental rights to them. They now live with his parents and she see sees them EOW with her dh supposedly doing the same. hmm

SS see things in black and white. If the house is in your name phone police, lock doors anything . Protect your kids first - not this dick head.

aprilanne Sat 14-Jun-14 07:50:34

STRESSED sorry to sound harsh but you are in danger of losing your children .i would not even think about it .phone SS straight away they will put it in wrighting .then get to a lawyer .or infact when he is out change locks and phone police .they will help in child protection issues .i wouldn,nt wait for case conference .he would be gone .

campingfilth Sat 14-Jun-14 07:50:50

SS must be extremely concerned for your children and their must be more of a backstory to this. You need to get him out of your house ASAP. It's in your name and therefore all you need to do is throw him and change the locks. You do need to change the locks though as he is clearly unhinged and if you don't he can just walk back in at any time.

Put your children first and get him out. Have a friend/family member take your children for a few hours to do this. From your post OP you don't sound like you actually want him out that much because if I had SS saying that to me and asking me to remove someone form my house the minute I received that they'd be gone.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 14-Jun-14 07:54:46

She can't just change the locks. It's his marital home, he has rights.

campingfilth Sat 14-Jun-14 07:57:51

She's being told to remove her DH by SS so I think the rules change a bit and the house is in her name.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 14-Jun-14 07:59:13

The rules don't change at all. This is tenancy law. Social services can give them expectations then it's up to them to implement them legally. It doesn't mean she can circumvent the law!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now