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dh has such a low opinion of me.

(19 Posts)
canmykidsplaywithyours Sat 07-Jun-14 19:35:02

Me and dh work opposite shifts to each other. I'm out of the House for 12 hours a day as a manager in a very busy retail store. He works lates (5:30-1:30) its a driving job so starts as soon as he, leaves House and is back home for 1:30. Whereas I only get two non consecutive days off per week, because of his rotas he will get several off.

About twice a week he will get in at 1:30 & because, of my shift will have to get up at 7:30 to take kids to School. He picks, them up everyday and had them until he goes to work where my parents take over until I'm home.

We often have days where we don't really see. Each other. My parents will do the cross over childcare between him leaving and Me getting home. Last night I got in at 10:15 pm And had to be out the house at 6 am this morning.

Today I have come home to have my 5 year old tell me dh was angry all day and said ' your Mum just pissess off to work and doesn't bother with the house Work'. Ths is not the first time he has said such things. I stated this job a year ago, before that I was self employed and would work round the kids nursery/School, I would do everything for the dc whilst working 6 days a week.This job wasnt a proper job apparently despite providing a salary. I just sat on my fat arse all day.

I admit I am not good at doing housework everyday but will cram it in on my days off, whereas he wants it doing everyday.

I don't know what I'm asking really. Am I really lazy? Is he right? My tummy feels all cold knowing he's so pissed off, however I'm really not sure what House Work I could have squeezed in between getting in late last night trying to get some sleep (was still awake at 12) and then getting back up at 5am? I believe it could be because I didn't hang washimg from machine out as it was thrown over the kitchen side when I got up this morning, but I didn't know there was any in there. He slept on sofa last night and wouldn't answer phone all day.

fusspot66 Sat 07-Jun-14 19:40:40

So he works 8 hours and you work 12, but YOU are slacking with the housework.
What a nasty pig he is.
I'm upset on your behalf.

Fairylea Sat 07-Jun-14 19:42:49

So why isn't he doing any of this housework if it bothers him so much??

canmykidsplaywithyours Sat 07-Jun-14 19:46:42

Yes he works 8 a shift driving, can spend time in service stations between his jobs. I am contracted for 39 a week but often work between 42-44, I'm on my feet all day and I have a long commute.

Im sorry, im being treated for anxiety, just stated citalopram 10 days ago. I really can't see if I'm being a moany sloth.

canmykidsplaywithyours Sat 07-Jun-14 19:47:39

Fairylea, he does do the housework, he also feeds the kids their tea but is very angry that I am not doing it.

fusspot66 Sat 07-Jun-14 19:48:11

And the sulking and involving the children is awful

canmykidsplaywithyours Sat 07-Jun-14 19:50:41

I can cope with the being angry at me, but to say such spiteful things about me in front of our children breaks my heart.

fusspot66 Sat 07-Jun-14 19:51:35

No wonder you have anxiety.
It's not doing you or the kids any good being around that.

Fairylea Sat 07-Jun-14 19:52:10

Well something has to give if you're both working so much. No one should have to come in and do housework literally in the middle of the night and get up again and out of the door. I think he needs to relax his expectations a little if the kids are fed and stuff is getting done eventually between you both then in this situation that is more than good enough. Otherwise either one of you will have to look for another job or magic up some money for a cleaner (unrealistic perhaps).

Fairylea Sat 07-Jun-14 19:53:00

And no of course he shouldn't be saying things like that about you to your children. That's awful.

fusspot66 Sat 07-Jun-14 19:54:30

What was your self employed job that worked well with home life? 12 hours in retail sounds grim without a supportive partner.

guitarosauras Sat 07-Jun-14 19:57:21

When do you get to see each other?
Is this a relationship??

Think you need to sit and chat. You both work very hard, neither of you should be trying to say who works the hardest etc. How about a cleaner?

mrsmopps Sat 07-Jun-14 20:02:56

his attitude stinks.
could you work out a system for housework so that things get done and jobs get shared?

Iflyaway Sat 07-Jun-14 20:05:38

He chucked the washing out of the machine onto the sideboard?!

Despite you working day and night, he is not willing to pull his weight at home.

Not sustainable as a family where both parents work I, m afraid..

NickiFury Sat 07-Jun-14 20:06:13

You're on anti depressants because your H is an abusive pig. So much so that he is making you frightened of him when you can't/don't toe the line.

Think about that, you have to take medication to be able to live this man.

canmykidsplaywithyours Sat 07-Jun-14 20:08:06

We seem to go round and round in circles where he relaxes for a bit and then it all blows up again.

I can't say specifically what it was as it will out me, but what I will say is that although it enabled me to do everything for dc, it was made clear it didn't bring enough money in. However now that I am bringing in more money he's not happy he has to do more for the kids.

We get maybe 1-2 nights a week together. One of those we will spend together. The other I go to bed after I put kids together whilst he plays on his computer with his friend s over the internet.

I appreciate he works hard and does alot, however I also Work very hard. The competition for who is the most tired or hard working is from him.

NickiFury Sat 07-Jun-14 20:26:15

How lovely that he has a spouse who appreciates him and how hard he works. Wouldn't it be lovely if you knew how THAT felt? But no, because he sees you as little more than some kind of domestic robot who brings in a load of cash too that's very unlikely to happen.

Tell him to STFU and hang out the washing himself if it bothers him so much. Tell him there's going to be a few changes starting with him NOT terrorising his wife and bitching too his kids about housework and if he doesn't like it he knows where the door is, you don't have to mean it (though why you wouldn't I cannot begin to comprehend) but say it anyway and then walk out and sort your head out. You'll no doubt be feeling pretty shaky after standing up to an abusive, bullying arsehole like that.

Quitelikely Sat 07-Jun-14 20:34:54

This might sound drastic but could any of you change jobs? It seems like the work life balance is not working?

And tell him in future if he has a problem with you, you are the best person to discuss it with not the dc

fusspot66 Sat 07-Jun-14 20:39:38

So the goalposts move. He is emotionally abusive with the criticism, the sulks, the anger with the kids which hurts you so much. Your anxiety would improve away from him and his impossible standards. This is quite clear to an outsider looking in.

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