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cheating, porn, recently married... do I stay or do I go?

(34 Posts)
pissedoffwife Sat 07-Jun-14 13:32:18

DH and I have been together for 5 years and have been married for 6 months.

A few months before we were married I discovered that he was chatting with a girl he'd met at a party on facebook - the fool left his fb tab open on our pc whilst chatting to her on his mobile from the toilet (where I thought he was taking a shit). I heard the chat alert sound whilst googling wedding related stuff and there it was, a slightly steamy interaction happening between the two of them. I was fuming and confronted him about it immediately... Turns out it hadn't been going on for about two weeks and the girl knew that he was engaged. We fought about it and I felt betrayed and angry even thought there as no physical contact.

I gave him the option to come clean about anything else he was hiding from me and he said there was nothing else. He lied. In the following few weeks I did some snooping (I didn't believe him) and it came to light that there he had been doing something similar with a colleague... he met her for a drink whilst I was away and invited her back to our place for another when the bar they were at was closing. He told me all this, although he claims nothing else happened between them.

It took me a few months to decide if I could forgive him and look past this behaviour, but I eventually decided to marry him.

Two months after we were married I caught him wanking off to porn on his phone in the bathroom late at night. During the fight that ensued he told me that he was addicted to porn and has been since he was a teen. He said he'd tried to kick the habit by avoiding it but he couldn't and needed help. I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me because now was the time and it emerged that he'd kissed a few other women when he went away for work before we got married. Never sex. He also met a women a couple of times for drinks when he went to another town but this didn't lead to anything else. In my opinion, this is cheating.

I was so angry that he'd let me marry him knowing that there were still so many secrets he'd hidden from me. In the following weeks I was deciding whether I could work through these issues with him and I found a great online programme designed to help people with his type of addiction.

Four months later and I'm still here but I'm not sure if my heart is in it. He is making major progress in dealing with the addiction but our relationship has changed... we bicker constantly about stupid things and I can't trust him. We recently had an argument that escalated to the point where he lost his temper and got physical. He didn't touch me but I was very afraid of him and although he has apologised for his behaviour I can't seem to forget it.

I am the main breadwinner so if I left him I would be financially stable, although I would probably have to return to my home country because of visa issues.

I love him.

What do I do?

NotNewButNameChanged Mon 09-Jun-14 12:45:15

You made a huge mistake marrying him when you knew what you did.

You don't need to make a second mistake in staying with him one day longer.

I never understand why people get treated like this and still say "but I love him" when there are loads of decent single guys who would never treat someone like this in a million years.

LadyNexus Mon 09-Jun-14 12:50:15

You really need to ask?

I'm sorry op this marriage was over before it even started.

The signs were all there.

AnyFucker Mon 09-Jun-14 12:52:53

Go, go go

Don't throw any more of your time, energy and emotion into this sunken ship

You shouldn't have married, but that is done now. Don't compound such a major mistake by hanging on to something that never existed.

AnyFucker Mon 09-Jun-14 12:54:27

Oh, and I agree that he has shagged at least some of these women.

Uptheanty Mon 09-Jun-14 12:58:23

You deserve so much more.

mrsspagbol Mon 09-Jun-14 13:40:11

Please leave. Please.

BeCool Mon 09-Jun-14 13:47:28

Why do you want to stick around for more OP?

Do you really believe he had all these kisses and flirtations etc and never slept with any of them? I don't know how you can believe a word he says.

Cut your losses before you invest any more of you life with this dickhead.

Jan45 Mon 09-Jun-14 13:51:56

OP, he has no moral compass, you clearly do, how long are you going to let him embarrass and humiliate you, believe me, people talk, this will not be new news for some.

You don't need him financially, emotionally he is crippling you, easy solution.

Uptheanty Mon 09-Jun-14 16:13:37

op

You've not returned since you posted, i can only assume that you are unhappy with the replies you've received.

Do you have rl support?

If not family, any friends you can confide in?

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