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Contact with exs

(36 Posts)
Mrskeats Fri 06-Jun-14 21:50:39

My bf of 7 months is rather jealous and does not like me to have contact with any of my previous partners.
He is often mean about my ex husband who I have a mostly reasonable relationship with.
My ex bf of 4 years texts me occasionally and he really dislikes that too.
However last night I saw an email as he was looking at them on his laptop next to me.
Turns out it was from a woman he has a short fling with 6 years ago and he has admitted he has occasionally text her
I am furious as I think this is hypocrisy really.
I want to tell him that I want him to never contact her again.
He even made out it was my fault he contacted her as we had had a row and he went home.
How to proceed?

Superworm Fri 06-Jun-14 21:56:00

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

In all honesty, I'd LTB

He is snarking at you because he knows what it means when HE contacts an ex - which he admits he did when he got a sulk on following a fall out with you.

He is contacting exs with more in mind than friendship and he is making it your fault that he does it. What a charmer - seriously, if this is him 7 months in it ain't gonna get any better.

I'd cut my losses now

Fmlgirl Fri 06-Jun-14 21:56:52

Dump him. Sounds ridiculous already. He is probably a cheat.

ForeskinHyena Fri 06-Jun-14 22:00:24

What Heaven said. LTB.

pauline6703 Fri 06-Jun-14 22:30:52

Move on, find a decent man who trusts you and respects you

arsenaltilidie Fri 06-Jun-14 22:42:08

He is one of those men that think everyone cheats because he cheats.

FabULouse Fri 06-Jun-14 22:48:22

Dump and run. He's a projecting cheat.

Mrskeats Sat 07-Jun-14 09:56:32

I'm really angry as I don't think he will cut contact with her as it will become a battle of wills.
He did the same thing to his last gf who also hated it and used to delete messages and this woman's number out of his phone.
Tbh we have other big problems and this is starting to feel like the last straw for me.

FabULouse Sat 07-Jun-14 09:58:53

Seriously - he's jealous, possessive, controlling, hypocritical, holds you responsible for his actions - he's an abusive knob who will do you a lot of emotional damage at the very least if you continue a relationship with him. He won't take kindly to being dumped though, because you're not actually allowed to have a mind of your own.

Gillian1980 Sat 07-Jun-14 10:21:12

He sounds far too controlling.

I'd be furious if my DH asked me to cut contact with my exes, who I'm on good terms with and who are no threat to him whatsoever.

Likewise I'd never tell him to cut contact with his.

Where is the trust?!

brokenhearted55a Sat 07-Jun-14 10:30:40

At the risk of sounding unpopular, my ex had an ex whom he was on good terms with.

He cheated with her and they are back together and noving in.

Hence I am going to have difficulty in any relationship where they are in touch witn exes.

Cabrinha Sat 07-Jun-14 10:37:24

Tell us again why you're actually with him?

Mrskeats Sat 07-Jun-14 10:51:43

I do love him and he has lots of good qualities really.
However I would not have had any issue with it if he hadn't made such a fuss about people I speak too.
It just feels one rule for him and one for me

getthefeckouttahere Sat 07-Jun-14 10:57:10

really? oh lives just too short, its yr exes now but once you cut them out it will be something else, then something else etc etc.

its not about your exes its about control imo. Gotta question if you want to be in a relationship with this dude!

LadyNexus Sat 07-Jun-14 10:58:33

Dump, dump and dump again!

Mrskeats Sat 07-Jun-14 10:59:31

Mmm well that's what I'm thinking tbh
Everything is like a power struggle

MuttonCadet Sat 07-Jun-14 10:59:58

I'd think if he's got a problem with you contacting exes it's because when HE does it he has an ulterior motive.

7 months isn't long, I'd get out now.

wafflyversatile Sat 07-Jun-14 11:05:17

Does sound rather like he is judging you by his own standards. Relationships shouldn't be about power struggles. Get rid.

Blueuggboots Sat 07-Jun-14 11:09:13

Sounds like as big red flag!
Get rid of him. He sounds like a twat.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sat 07-Jun-14 11:28:33

Do yourself a favour and make it be the last straw.
All this, 7 months in?
He's a controlling, hypocritical twat.

7 months is nothing. Move on, do better.

livingzuid Sat 07-Jun-14 11:31:58

I have zero contact with exes as does dh because we agree that is how we want things. Not one person dictating to another and then sneaking off to do the reverse.

7 months is nothing, particularly if you have other doubts. It's not meant to be this hard work in a relationship. He sounds like a nightmare, sorry op.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 07-Jun-14 11:42:00

My ex used made me throw away photos of past boyfriends. Very jealous about exes.

Fast forward to dd1 being 11 months, I found emails and texts to his ex, him telling her he wasn't in a relationship anymore (er, news to me) and would she like to meet up.

He is anti you keeping in contact because when he does it has ulterior motives.

Ditch.

Mrskeats Sun 08-Jun-14 09:37:08

Right well he's text her in front of me to say he's in a relationship and doesn't think being in touch is appropriate.
I'm surprised he's done that to be honest without much protest really.

I would still leave such a person if he behaves like this seven months in; seven months is no time at all in relationship terms.

You state you "love" this man; do you have any idea at all of what an emotionally healthy relationship actually is all about?. It certainly is not this current model.

Also controlling behaviour is infact abusive behaviour.

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