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DH not talking to me?

(23 Posts)

Am I the only one that is shocked that adults inrelationship do this?

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 06-Jun-14 13:48:18

That's rather childish of him, is it for any particular reason?

VanitasVanitatum Fri 06-Jun-14 13:50:22

Childish yep, but doesn't sound like he's done it before? Clearly has a point to make that he feels strongly about.

Manipulative way to deal with something though.

Sorry, had to nip off.

No, not my DH.

There are 2 threads stating that DH is not taking to me on he and I am shocked that an adult would behave like this.

If my 9 year old said someone wasn't talking to them I would tell them to tell that person not to be so immature but for a spouse to do it is pretty awful.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 06-Jun-14 13:53:38

It sounds a tab abusive (and childish) to me TBH, especially if he's not saying why he's upset/pissed off. It's designed to make you think that you're at fault, but you don't know why because he won't speak to you. You must have all sorts going around in your head sad thanks < for you.

Keepithidden Fri 06-Jun-14 13:53:45

If someone has talked in the past and had their opinion minimised, ignored or invalidated it may not be so surprising they no longer wish to talk.

As always, there has to be some context.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 06-Jun-14 13:56:26

Ah, gotcha.

Ds's father did this to Ds last year. He went no contact for 6 months until Ds apologised... for trying to correct his grammar. He didn't contact ds a great deal prior to this anyway but it destroyed what little relationship they had. It is abusive IMO, like 'you will behave this way or else' but it depends on why it's being done.

wafflyversatile Fri 06-Jun-14 13:56:40

Depends on the context.

wallaby73 Fri 06-Jun-14 14:09:57

I agree - i have NEVER experienced "the silent treatment" off a partner, ever, and find it so so staggering and sad that for a lot of people, this is part of their "normal". There's nothing normal about it......hmm

woolypigs Fri 06-Jun-14 14:13:13

My ex used to do this to me. He would go days without talking to me if we had a fight and I didn't agree with him. It is quite soul destroying.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 06-Jun-14 14:14:58

sad Oh, woolypigs.

Keepithidden Fri 06-Jun-14 14:21:00

Withdrawal, as a coping mechanism isn't unusual and can often seem to be similar to "the silent treatment". It's certainly a technique I've practiced in the past to avoid conflict (Im consciously trying to avoid it these days).

On the otherhand, using it as a method of control in some kind of passive aggressive manner is classic abuse territory I think.

I'm not sure it is always easy to tell the difference between the two tho'...

My ex did this to me.
I moved my stuff out and wasn't putting up with it.
We talked and I told him that as grown ups with good vocabulary there was no need.
It didn't happen again.
It's called 'stone-walling' and it's not very nice at all when done in a controlling manner.

NotNewButNameChanged Fri 06-Jun-14 14:27:50

If someone behaved really offensively to me, I think I might choose not to want to talk to them for a while, so that they realized just how upset I was but also to ensure I didn't say something offensive back and just escalate things further. Sometimes just saying sorry and forgetting it ever happened isn't actually easy.

TheSarcasticFringehead Fri 06-Jun-14 14:30:40

It depends on the context. One of the threads on here involving the partner not talking to the OP is justifiable imo. It completely depends on the context- why talk if the other person doesn't want a reasoned discussion and can't see why they have hurt you? But my abusive ex would do this- he would switch on and off, I would be walking on eggshells, because one day I could tease him gently and it would be fine, but the next I could make his tea too weak and he would ignore me for a few weeks. It's horrible.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 06-Jun-14 14:33:48

Very annoying. Or upsetting depending on the target's state of mind. Worst when there are no clues as to what brought on this loss of speech.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 06-Jun-14 14:34:13

My ex has been doing this to me on and off for the past couple of years. He stopped paying maintenance and he wouldn't reply to any calls or emails. I took him to court (he's not in the UK) and he began to reply for a little while but stopped again when I asked about the arrears that he owed, he won't even reply when I tell him about how his son is. I know he's stonewalling me, this is my 'punishment'. I'm leaving it to the court. I couldn't put up with this if I lived with him though, it would chip away at you.

GinUtero Fri 06-Jun-14 14:38:43

My ex used to give me the silent treatment. It always used to make me feel like I was in the wrong, even when I blatantly wasn't.

If only I'd had Mumsnet back then to tell me not to tolerate his passive aggressive manipulative nonsense!

Joysmum Fri 06-Jun-14 17:25:10

We aren't all the same, we don't deal with things the same way. My DH give each other space when we need it. Then we deal with it and life goes on again.

I guess it depends why it happens. If it's controlling behaviour, not good. If it's to buy time and perspective, I'm all for it.

cantbelievethisishppening Fri 06-Jun-14 17:38:37

I have not spoken to my DH on a couple of occasions. I was so angry and upset with him I just didn't even want to look at him let alone talk.

KikiShack Fri 06-Jun-14 17:47:12

I think there's a world of difference between silent treatment for half an hour to avoid saying something offensive until you calm down, vs refusing to interact for weeks (or even days/hours plural) tbh.
If my P felt I'd done something so bad it deserved ignoring me for a full 24 hours or longer then I'd question why he still wanted to be with me. Equally if he needed that long to calm down then he's not the sort of person I'd want to share my life with.
Completely inexcusable. If you love someone you should always have the decency to tell them why you're annoyed and tell them you need x minutes or hours to yourself before you can talk to them. That is a bare minimum in any relationship IMO.

woolypigs Fri 06-Jun-14 21:28:42

Mine definitely did it for control. I would then after 2 or 3 days start trying to make conversation, he would slowly start talking to me and then everything would be back to normal.

But then we are talking about the man who compared an abortion to a wank and called his mum because I hadn't done the dishes

dripty Fri 06-Jun-14 22:41:43

i agree that if your points of view and feelings are negated all the time then you get to the stage where you feel it best to say nothing.

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