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Long distance relationships

(10 Posts)
beachyhead61 Fri 06-Jun-14 13:35:34

After posting my first thread "Holiday Romance" I've been giving the whole long distance relationship thing a lot of thought.
I don't think I could ever cope with having such a relationship, although nowadays with smartphones internet and social media it must be relatively easy to keep "in touch" with your "partner"
It must be very different when you can only actually meet the person a couple of times a year and have any physical contact.
I'm sure as in my sister -in -laws case these holiday romances are fuelled by sun sex and alcohol, but after being with someone for a couple of weeks it must be extremely hard, to not meet again for maybe months.
I know we can't chose who we fall in love with, (and it some way that answers my questions)
What drives the person into continuing the relationship
Is it just lust.
Do they see it as some sort of challenge (we will be together no matter what)
There must need to be an awful lot of trust on both sides (or no concern if your partner is being honest or faithful)
You might be on social media for an hour or so each day (maybe more) but it leaves many more hours where you might be wondering what they are up to (or would that just be me thinking like that)
Maybe this one is just me "thinking outside the box" but do they have issues with commitment or something (i.e. they are in a relationship of sorts but do not have to spend their live "together"
Finally I wonder what the actual success rate of these "holiday romances" actually is. (even the ones which might seem genuine from the start)

Just my thoughts really
Thanks for reading

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 06-Jun-14 15:30:20

"What drives the person into continuing the relationship"

I think for many it's an acute fear of loneliness and needing a feeling of belonging to someone, however remote or inappropriate they might be Holiday romances and other LTRs might occasionally turn into something more substantial. Death Row romances just baffle the crap out of me! I'm pretty sure that LTR participants can't spend all day wondering what the other is up to. I'm also willing to bet that it's not so much about trust as self-delusion. Your SIL being a case in point. The possibility that he's just in it for a visa or cash must have crossed her rational mind but something has made her dismiss it.

As for the success rate I'd have thought it was low. Over e-mail or Skype someone can be sparkling company and the twice a year visits are going to be a massive emotional rush. Translate that to a hum-drum life of sock-washing and who's turn is it to worm the cat.... and I'm sure a lot of the fantasy dies.

SmashleyHop Fri 06-Jun-14 15:44:35

My DH and I started as a LDR. We dated LD for about 2 years and have been married coming up to 4 years now. Heck I've moved countries to be with him. I don't think there was a day we didn't speak or at least correspond.

I think with how small the world has become through technology these types of relationships are becoming quite common. Not to say it isn't difficult, it has it's challenges. I wasn't afraid of being lonely or felt like I needed to belong. I met someone amazing on holiday, went home and we continued our friendship online and eventually we decided we'd like to see where our friendship could go. It was an expensive courtship I'll give you that!

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 06-Jun-14 16:04:15

Yes, it's inevitable that there will now be a steady stream of people who enjoying long and solid marriages following an LDR grin

holdyourown Fri 06-Jun-14 18:14:51

I wouldn't have thought there's a one size fits all - must depend on the relationship? but yes they would need to have trust and be pretty independent I'd have thought. I'm sure most don't work out in the long term

Sauu9123 Fri 06-Jun-14 18:23:45

You are clearly a journalist reseaching a story

Suzannewithaplan Fri 06-Jun-14 18:29:40

perhaps all the longing and yearning is preferable to the reality of day to day living together, perhaps it's best to have one of each grin

something2say Fri 06-Jun-14 21:32:24

I had one. Ridiculous looking back on it really. I mean, as if?! But as for keeping in touch, we spent hours and hours on cheap phone lines, and we would skype for hours too and have dates that way. I also emailed him a lot, we were always naming back and forth. But it was lonely, physically lonely, and the time diff meant my peaceful sat morning was his drunken Friday night and after a while that annoyed me and I used to hang up. In the end I got bored and broke it off. Can't say I have that many happy memories but he did become a friend for that short time we were involved with each other and he was an alright guy to an extent.

Pinkpartysprinkles Fri 06-Jun-14 21:50:38

I'm in one now, we've been together 5 years now, managed to live together for 6 months in that time but other than that it's been varied differences in distance and time zone due to our careers.

We started out as a bit of a fling and thought we'd see what happened, 5 years later it still works for us, I think it makes a difference that long term we do ultimately want to be together living together full time but we both respect the individual goals we want to achieve independently first.

beachyhead61 Sun 08-Jun-14 09:32:19

It must involve an enormous level of trust, or a very open attitude on both parts, I can't help thinking (in SIL's case) who he might be charming the pants off this week or next week. (maybe that would just be my own insecurities and why I couldn't have a LDR)
Thanks for comments

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