couple of other threads - sorry not sure how to do all this

[nespressofan]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2089490-Divorcing
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2092090-So-fed-up-and-so-damned-well-damned-fed-up

[nespressofan]

I hope you've got that. I'm not sure I posted correctly.
I am now at this impasse.
I don't know I really don't know how to deal with this.
I know that I am being fucked financially.
I just need someone to talk to. This is horrid. I am a decent honest person who doesn't deserve this.
I am sorry that each of my sentences begin with 'I'. I'm not the narcissist. I am being abused financially. I know that.
I am the person who would always say 'we'. I have seens all these 'I's and I am not coping.
I (again) don't know what to do.

[KaFayOLay]

Are you struggling tonight nespresso, is that why you have linked to your threads?

[nespressofan]

Yes. I am feeling strong some times but tonight finding everything difficult. Thanks

[KaFayOLay]

Sorry, x-post with you.

Have you done the financial bit for your solicitor?
Where are you up to with things?

How are your ds's exams going?

[nespressofan]

I also didn't want to post a new thread with no backlog. Sorry so tired and yet so awake and aware.

[nespressofan]

He has to disclose. And he isn't doing it. Paying OW several K per month so clearly stashing/squirrelling money.

[KaFayOLay]

Well that is shit and I can understand your anger/upset.

I'm a little naive in these matters. Surely if you know his income and his general outgoings, it isn't that easy to "hide" money.

Is he trying to get out of all financial resposibilty, or a chunk of it?
Does what you get from him gave a bearing in what the future holds?

[nespressofan]

Yes to all your questions KaFay. I am just so scared of anything legal. I can only open my emails 2x per week cos I'm so frightened of any legal stuff. It is scaring the life out of me. I am not a weak person AT ALL but this is just scaring the shit out of me. My future?

[nespressofan]

I think he wants to be 'fair' in his mind. Keeps emailing me to not get a solicitor. Wants to do financials between us. I have been nc since last October. I won't talk to him. He is giving OW a lot of money. I really mean a lot of money per month. Because the statements come to the house in his name I still open them but solicitor says he won't touch them with a barge pole cos I shouldn't be opening his post. I know that but I have never been told not to open the post so I do as I always did.

[nespressofan]

One of our other posters said I should post everything here, or maybe on legal. I find it very very difficult to post his misdemeanours but I can't talk about them personally til I'm blue in the face. I just want this done and dusted. I see no way out for another year at least. God knows. It is awful.

[nespressofan]

can not can't - Jeez I can't even post properly

[nespressofan]

Son - who is the first of my priorities - has last AS level exam on Tuesday next week. He was put through HELL last year by his dad during his GCSEs. It was the summer from hell. I will never ever ever forget it. Husband moved on and clearly had for some time but gave son hell emotionally. Really bad stuff. I got it too but I'm fairly resilient so just kept going.
I guess I just want advice now to keep going and some hand holding as what H is doing to me right now, emotionally and financially is pants.

[KaFayOLay]

I'm guessing he wouldn't be fair, hence the need for a solicitor.

Surely he knows the statements are still going to you, so you have a good idea what should be left after bills

I have no advice . My dh was married previously and him and his ex amicably sorted everything out without solicitors (no children), so was completely pain free and both were happy.

I can imagine the thought of it dragging on for a year very wearing.
Can you not appeal to his better side about this.....or hasn't he got one when it comes to holding on to his £'s?

[nespressofan]

Oh KaF the very thought of contacting him is dreadful. The very fact that he is paying this 'woman' a lot of money per month is not worthy of contacting him. He is also paying other people money per month. The proof is all there. I have it.
I can't leave this house til son goes to uni in a year's time as it would break his heart as it would mine for son. Not for me. I don't care. I just want to be somewhere happy with my son. My son won't see it that way. He is too young and this is his home.

[KaFayOLay]

I can hand hold.....as you can see from my posts, that is about all I can offer .

I hope your son has come through the last year relatively unscathed and that he gets the AS results he needs to progress.

How to keep going? It would be trite to say stay strong but in your times of despair, try not to let him grind you down.

I hope somebody else who can be more helpful comes along soon.
In the meantime, have a hand to hold at this ungodly hour of the morning.

[nespressofan]

Oh thank you so much. so very much

[KaFayOLay]

I can understand your sons feelings about moving, it is his one constant, you and his home with his mates close too.

I work in a school and teenagers minds seem to work so differently to ours. Very much in the moment and dare I say it, quite self centred, not always seeing the bigger picture.

I must go, I got up at 12:30am to let the senile old dog out and came on here as wide awake and have been here 2 hours!
I hope you catch some sleep and that things seem brighter in the morning.

[nespressofan]

Thanks and maybe see you again. Thank you for an hour of sanity

[oikopolis]

Here's my hand to hold too. I'm so sorry nespresso. you're such a lovely lady and I wish I could help more.

[nespressofan]

Thanks oik