Long term lurker but this is my first post which I shall try to make as brief as possible!
I feel that recently I have had some revelations about my DM as a person due to recent incidences and it has led me to wonder whether she is a narcissist and I'm feeling so confused right now as to whether some of her behaviour in the past and now is acceptable and 'normal'. My DH assured me it isn't. I feel as though I constantly try to justify or downplay her behaviour.
Brief list!:
- split from DF when I was 9. Within weeks moved new BF in (since found out she was having affair with). Never asked/spoken to about this. ended up living with new BF's parents for a while whom I'd never met!
- DM regularly went on holidays abroad leaving me and DSis with friend.
- Never showed any interest in what I was doing at school or out of school. Never sat and read to/with me, rarely cuddled me and never said she loved me.
- Always late for school as DM refused to hurry to get ready (we moved quite far away from school). ended up choosing to walk the 45 min journey to make sure I got there on time!
- DM had my DB when I was 14 and then a yr later moved to another area of country. Left me with my 18 yr old DSis and her BF. Went through my GCSE's without DM around.
- Moved to where DM and step dad was when I was 16. She became very critical and nasty towards him - telling me frequently she hoped he'd get run over by a bus! They split but DM turned stalkerish on him when he met a new woman.
- Once living on her own with my younger DB, DM would make me feel guilty for going out and leaving her on her own.
- Went off to uni. On graduation she never told me she was proud etc.. she just seemed keen to use my achievements to brag to people, especially her DB how well I had done considering I'd come from a 'broken home' unlike his children who hadn't.
Recently:
DM split from my 2nd step dad (!) after 11 yrs. Extremely critical and nasty towards him in the latter yrs of their marriage and refused to go near him physically but when they split, played the victim stating it was all because he had been on dating website and how could he do this to her etc etc As with previous relationship took the stance that none of it was her fault. Was frequently turning up on my or DSis or DB's doorstep crying, wanting spend time with us.
She has quickly met someone else (via dating website that she originally went on to stalk step dad!), moved in with him and now we hardly see her! She didn;t bothered much with my children anyway (seemed to favour DB and his daughter)
This has led to fallings out with her own DP's and DSis and DB's (another long story!). Which, whenever she has run in with one of them, rings me up to tell me, I assume expecting sympathy/my support. This is the only time she'll ring! I dared to text her recently and told her I didn;t want anthing to do with anymore family arguements, needed to focus on my own family etc! DM subsequently told my DB what a cheek I had to send her this type of text and I not heard from her since! She has given both my DB and DSis money recently (following sale of house) and not me. I think she must know that my DSis and DB will tell me they've had some money so wondered whether she is wanting to cause a fall out between the 3 of us? It hasn't!
I'm just so confused! Part of me feels sorry for her (difficult childhood herself - witness her DM being regularly beaten by her DF) and try to reason she's only human but since being mum myself I can't ever imagine treating my kids in this way. recent events in particular as been really hurtful and left me wondering what to do next - what should I do/say if she does suddenly call? I do feel less stressed and down having not been in contact.
What do you make of her behaviour?
So sorry for long post.