DP has screamed in my face twice today I feel broken

[anditgoeson]

The first time was in the public park as I was standing holding our LO's hands. After I'd told him to get away from from our DD as he'd just carried her under the arms crying her eyes out after he shouted at het for not coming when called. She is two. The second time was as I was cooking dinner. I feel like a victim and I hate him for it.
Oh and he also told me he 'hates me sometimes' and to 'f-ing shut up you f-ing dickhead'! And its all my fault apparently because I don't hug him enough. Then he comes to me as I'm doing bedtime to moan about his job and ask me for a loan.
I'm sorry this doesn't read too well I'm all over the place right now. I think I want him to go. I can't take him anymore. For the past two years I've put up with him screaming at our newborns, screaming at me, he's smashed a stool in our kitchen because I told him to calm down, he's picked our DDs cot up and smashed it on the floor (while she was in it), he's miserable and selfish. I actually can't believe I've let it go on this long. We have a few ok months and everything feels like its getting on track and then he has an outburst again. I don't think I can take anymore.

[Fairylea]

You and the dc are at risk of serious injury. You know that already.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Please ring womens aid and make plans to get to a refuge immediately. None of you are safe living with him.

[Fairylea]

refuge.org.uk/

[LEMmingaround]

Read this back to yourself - it seriously doesn't sound like your children are safe around that man - he could have killed your DD FFS. He doesn't sound like he brings much to the party on a good day either. First thing tuesday morning, find a solicitor, you can have half an hour free advice - write things down to ask. Just tell him to leave - but do be careful as he sounds like he is likely to kick off. If this is the case then could you leave? How many children do you have?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm sorry you're in such an abusive relationship and I'm not surprised you feel upset and confused. You're right, it doesn't read well.... it reads like a fairly nasty series of abusive behaviours designed to frighten and intimidate you. I think you realise that it will never 'get on track'. Have you ever reported the violent behaviour to the police? Is he on record as being aggressive?

I'd suggest you start making plans to get him safely out of your life and that's going to involve confiding in some trusted friends/family and also talking to professionals. Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 is a good place to start.

Good luck and I hope you find peace and a better life for yourself and your DC

[anditgoeson]

We have twins. I know, I just get on with it and then I look at it and see how f'd up it is. That isn't even all of it. My DM and DF fought a lot when I was little. Sometimes violent and sometimes I think its normal and to just get on with it. He's never been violent but when he came right up to my face today I admit I was scared. I felt provoked and for a moment started to think about how to protect myself. Despite that I still feel like I'm being OTT. God, I can't think straight.

[Mummybookworm]

and he has been violent - he smashed your dcs cot on the floor whilst they were in it. You need to leave. This is not normal. Or healthy. Or right.

[sooperdooper]

But he has been violent, smashing up your DDs cot while she was in it?? That's very violent!! Please make plans to leave, before he hurts one of you seriously, you can do it, you're not being OTT you don't have to put up with this from him :(

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

OP he already is violent. Violence is not just hitting someone.... it's destroying things, banging cots, shouting in your face, anger. That's all violence and it's designed to keep you intimidated. I'm sorry you had violent parents but please talk to someone. It's emphatically not normal behaviour you're describing.

[Featherbag]

He smashed a cot with a baby in it? Why the fuck are you still there?! Get out!

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

He's never been violent but he's done this: "For the past two years I've put up with him screaming at our newborns, screaming at me, he's smashed a stool in our kitchen because I told him to calm down, he's picked our DDs cot up and smashed it on the floor (while she was in it)"

Angel, if that's not violence I don't know what is. And now he's frightened you by screaming in your face. Twice today.

I can't think of a single reason why you shouldn't end this right now. Do it before he hurts you, or worse, the children. Please.

[KnockMeDown]

what Feather said

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Oh God, please call Women's Aid. You may be de-sensitised to some of this behaviour but it is very, very dangerous for you and your DCs.

Please seek help, this is not normal.

I wish you strength - you can do this x

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

He's screamed AT YOUR NEWBORNS. He's not right in the head. He's a danger to you and your children. If you can't end this to protect yourself please do it for your babies

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I'm so worried for you all

[NigellasDealer]

please make plans to leave

[anditgoeson]

I know. I wish I'd have left him then. I hated my DF for the way he treated my DM. I had an xDP who screamed in my face on a night out and I ended it there and then. I don't understand why I haven't done it this time. I don't really have anywhere to go. But tbh although we only rent our house its all in my name so I want him to go. He has apologised and he apologised straight away but tbh I don't care. I think if he really loved me he wouldn't do that in the first place. Now he's saying its because he's stressed about his job and money. Its all just excuses and I don't care either way.

[NigellasDealer]

OK so he has to leave and you could change the locks etc but that might get nasty and your babies will be upset.
Please contact womens aid

[Fairylea]

If your dc are still tiny and the house is in your name and you only rent then believe me you are in a much better position to leave than those who have older children established in schools and that are tied into mortgages. (Been there done that and still left so even that can be done).

[crispyporkbelly]

he's picked our DDs cot up and smashed it on the floor (while she was in it)

There's NO excuse for staying, LEAVE for your children's sake NOW

[crispyporkbelly]

Seriously, who cares that he screamed at you, I feel more for your abused children, get them the fuck out of there

[bumbumsmummy]

Please call women's aid refuge or do you want one of us to call the police

Are you safe now ?

Please call for help this is a very dangerous situation

[HecatePropylaea]

You say he smashed the cot to the floor and in brackets while she was in it.

No. Say it for what it actually was. He smashed your BABY onto the floor, in her cot.

Please, for the sake of your children as well as yourself, get out. Before he hurts them, or you.

if you are afraid to leave without help, get help to leave but please leave.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

OP, how are you now? Is the situation calm?

Do you know what you're going to do to protect you and your little ones?

[knowledgeispower]

Please understand that you are NOT being OTT!! You sound very ground down and this is why you are not thinking straight.

You need to get away from thus dangerous man. You need to get your children away from thus dangerous man. He will keep grinding you down. Think about your children. Get out and give them a future free from witnessing this abhorrent behaviour.

First step: ring women's aid.

Take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time.

You can do this!

[BlackeyedSusan]

you should have left when he smashed the cot into the floor, you probably should have left well before that, but as you say one (including me) gets used to it and it is normal and you can not see what it is really like at the time. I should have left long before I did. seeing posts on mn about someone elses dv and thinking that is not that bad and then reading other peoples responses to it was eye opening.

yes it is that bad and yes you should leave. think about planning to leave safely. be careful about your behaviour. hide your history. collect what you need and plan. if you are in immediate danger call 999 and leave immediately, everything can be replicated or collected later.

most of all ((hugs)) it can be a terrible shock when these things happen. itcan also be horrible to realise that you have to leave.