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What would you think?

(20 Posts)
TonyThePony Tue 13-May-14 16:27:23

Of a 26 year old single man who hadn't had a real, (grownup?) relationship?

He has a good career with some unsociable shift patterns but the reason for him being single is not because of being too 'career focused'.

He has had two relationships of about a year each but hasn't had a relationship for over three years so those year long relationships were when he was relatively young.

His most recent 'relationship' was very casual but lasted two years. He didn't date anybody else in that time but not because of commitment to the other person, the opportunity just never arose.

He's never lived with a partner, nor overly had to think long term.

Would you assume he is in some way hugely flawed to have got to 26 without having a 'real' relationship.

Would you also be concerned that he would not be good in a relationship because of lack of practice almost?

Thumbwitch Tue 13-May-14 16:28:46

Are we talking about you here, Tony?

26 isn't that old, tbh.

I'd be more concerned if you still lived at home with your Mum than your lack of long term relationships, tbh.

Thumbwitch Tue 13-May-14 16:29:11

Whoops - too many tbhs in there! blush

TonyThePony Tue 13-May-14 16:33:15

Yes, we are blush, wanted honest opinions hence the mystery! grin

I certainly don't live at home with my mum. I'm just worried that if I do eventually meet somebody, I won't be equipped with the experience of long term relationships, iyswim?

TheSlagOfSnacks Tue 13-May-14 16:35:26

No, 26 is still very young. I wouldn't think anything of it.

littlegreenlight1 Tue 13-May-14 16:37:18

Wouldnt think anything of it at all. You sound lovely.

My exbf was 34, living at home (though had been to uni, travelling and then back caring for elderly parents) and I didnt think anything of it.
He was a twat, of course he shouldnt have lived at home.

You dont, so youre fine!!

Thumbwitch Tue 13-May-14 16:40:24

Meh, seriously don't worry about it at 26. If you're out living on your own, or in shared accommodation but doing your fair share of cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry etc. then you'll be a lot better off than having had a string of longterm relationships!

I shouldn't really comment personally but I will - my DH hadn't had any longterm relationships, or in fact many short term ones before we got together when he was 27 - didn't matter, he soon got the hang of it grin. He also seemed fairly capable of looking after himself, seeing as how he was 10,500 miles away from home when we met!

Shame it all went a bit tits up when we moved to Australia and back into Mummy's spherer but never mind.

PoundingTheStreets Tue 13-May-14 16:44:13

Having only had two non-cohabiting relationships of about a year long each is pretty normal for a guy in his mid-20s. I really wouldn't worry about it.

If you want to prepare yourself better try reading up more on interpersonal relationships, how to 'argue' respectfully and with win-win solutions in mind, etc, but please don't worry about it.

If you are the sort of person who is blessed with some self awareness, personal responsibility and an ability to really listen to what you're being told while also remaining assertive about your own boundaries, you'll be fine when you're ready to be in a relationship, honestly you will. And those skills are all skills which apply to all relationships whether they are with family, colleagues or girlfriends. If you have harmonious relationships with these people, chances are you won't have any problems.

CrispyFern Tue 13-May-14 16:46:15

26 is so young! I would worry about a 46 year old man who hadn't lived with a partner, not a 26 year old!

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 13-May-14 16:51:51

Take a tip. Be less concerned with what someone else would think of you and focus more on what you think of them. Go into a relationship with the attitude... 'what are they thinking of me?' ... and you will be tempted to modify yourself or your story in order to win favour. That can make you a target for someone who just wants to string you along or take advantage.

Be yourself and be proud of yourself rather than trying to be something you think others want.

I'd maybe worry if you were in your 40's but I'd quite like a man with no baggage!

Woman don't want a man that's put it about.

TonyThePony Tue 13-May-14 16:56:20

Thanks everybody, I feel much more cheery now!

Oh, also, I'm actually female. I forgot my name was Tony when I posted, I posted about a man to try to not give away it was about me.

(just so as not to further deceive!)

JohnFarleysRuskin Tue 13-May-14 16:58:29

Not flawed at all.

You'll be fine when you meet the right person. (I sound like my mum)

Same goes for a female!

FolkGirl Tue 13-May-14 17:49:50

Tony When I started seeing my husband, he was a 25 year old virgin who'd never had a girlfriend of any description.

I know this is true, because we'd been friends for 10 years by that point.

None of that was an issue. What was an issue was the fact he'd never lived alone and had no idea about living independently. His understanding of adult life was very much as a 12 year old might imagine it to be.

ladyblablah Tue 13-May-14 17:54:58

Unless you are knocking one out to hardcore porn on an hourly basis as a replacement for a proper wuman then it's of no concern.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 13-May-14 19:17:41

Tony I have had to have a smile at your total inability to dissemble grin

26 is nothing - not a problem at all

When you meet the right person at the right time it'll all fall into place

TonyThePony Tue 13-May-14 19:48:41

BitOut, it's embarrassing how easily I crumbled grin

Thanks thought everybody, the 'casual' thing ended very recently so think I'm feeling a bit despondent and terrified of being alone forevermore

BitOutOfPractice Tue 13-May-14 19:51:45

WE didn't even apply the electrodes to you Tony and you spilled your guts! grin

You won't be alone. Promise

Salazar Tue 13-May-14 19:53:14

I'm a similar age and I think you are fine. As long as you are independent, earning and living as an adult I would date you.

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