I just read about a study where they said reading romance novels can have a similer effect in women as porn addiction in men. That the emotional rush you get from reading about a forbidden love for example alters your brain chemistry and can have an efffect on your personal relationships.
This interests me because I am a bit effected by this. I used to read romance novels when I was younger as well as romantic films and tv shows. Now I tend to make up my own romantic fantasies where I play the heroine and I can cast any man, real or imagined, famous actor or guy down the street. Its fun, a form of escape I can imagine it all, I listen to the right music and create my own soundtrack for my love story, do reseach on the themes and issues my story revolves around. I don't write it all down just day dream about it.
it can be useful if for example I can't sleep or I'm stressed but I can see its dangerous too I get a bit hooked on the rush my fantasies give meand so keep thinking about them over and over to get that feeling. Its like on some level my mind or body can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. I start to miss the person I am dreaming about as if it were real.
Its stupid because I have a lovely long term partner who adores me and who I love very much but sometimes its like I feel I am more with the fantasy lover than the real person.
I have my theories as to why this is, in the stories I tell myself they usually focus on the build up and early stage of the romance (typical of romance novels) where I get that rush although imaginary of feeling wanted and desired. I have issues with my self esteem and crave the validation of being wanted and desired by a man.
I don't think my partner knows about this but he sometimes finds me distant. Sometimes I feel very distressed that I cannot be with the fantasy, who I am physically aching for and it cuts me off from my partner which is unfair to him. The odd time a man I know gets cast in one of my fantasies it is worse because there is the potential for something to happen and a couple of times it nearly has.
I know I need to not do this, I need to deal with my self esteem issues in a healthy way and I probably am frustrated creatively, if I actually out the time and effort into something real I might have achieved something by now!
This behaviour for me came out of reading a lot of romantic novels and seeing romance films when I was a teenager. On one level I understand that real love is not about some chocolate box ideal of romance but it still gives me a killer kick I am addicted to. Does anyone else relate to this?
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Relationships
Do romance novels and films damage your relationships?
18 replies
snowfright · 12/05/2014 13:12
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