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Think new guy is lying....

(38 Posts)
heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 22:12:42

I've had 3 dates with a guy i met through online dating. We were in touch a few months ago and he suggested meeting, but then contact stopped until a couple of weeks ago. He said that he'd had problems accessing the site. I'd assumed he must have met someone else and it hadn;t worked which was why he was back in touch. However he insisted that his contact stoped due to the site issue. However based on some things he's said and a couple of things I've found out, i seems he was seeing someone else. He mentioned he'd seen one other person from the site, said he'd only met her an "handful" of times, then he dropped into a conversation that some of his friends weren't keen on her so guess they must have seen eachother for a while. I've also seen a pic of her on his facebook with her daughter. Sounds like he was seeing her for a while. If he's been honest I wouldn't have been in the slightest bit bothered, it's the lie that's bothering me. Such a shame s he seemed really nice other than that. Any thoughts?

Twinklestein Sun 11-May-14 22:15:26

A liar is a liar. It's such a thick thing to do, to nuke any chance of a relationship, but at least you found out before you'd invested anything.

Throw him back into the pond and wait for someone better to come along.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sun 11-May-14 22:17:13

Yup - liar liar liar.

Just ditch IMMEDIATELY. Don't get invested. Not worth the risk.

Silly man...

violetpsyche Sun 11-May-14 22:17:28

Sorry if He can't be honest about this then he seems very dubious. If he had told you he wanted to see someone else and then came back later and siad he had made a mistake then he might be in a position to ask you back out but as is, its time for you to ignore him!

Scornedwoman67 Sun 11-May-14 22:19:40

To be honest if he is lying at the outset of your relationship, he is the sort that will do it habitually. Tell him you know he's lying and that you can't go out with a liar.

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 22:22:47

I'm sure you're all right. I feel such a fool - i really liked him and fancied him (i don't usually feel much for any of the many guys i've met online!) and feel so annyed with myself as i shared alot of info with him on our last date and we slept together too. I wonder if it's worth just confronting him about it to see his reaction?..

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 22:23:07

I'm sure you're all right. I feel such a fool - i really liked him and fancied him (i don't usually feel much for any of the many guys i've met online!) and feel so annyed with myself as i shared alot of info with him on our last date and we slept together too. I wonder if it's worth just confronting him about it to see his reaction?..

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 22:32:47

The other thing is (which made me like him even more) is that he hasn't been on the site since seeing me. This is so hard sad

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 22:32:52

The other thing is (which made me like him even more) is that he hasn't been on the site since seeing me. This is so hard sad

brokenhearted55a Sun 11-May-14 22:33:58

Maybe he thought you wouldn't see him again if you knew the truth.

I would struggle to tell someone I was seeing someone else.

my ex met someone on a dating site a couple of months before me and didnt like her. Then he went out with me for nearly a year and then went back out with her. She must have known it was someone else.....

Depends on whether or not you care. He didnt forget you I guess. Must have made an impression on him.

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 22:36:35

I did care until i realised he must be lying. I asked him a few questions about when/how many times he'd seem this woman, and the more i asked the more evasive he got and he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore..

brokenhearted55a Sun 11-May-14 22:37:01

How many dates did you have and when did you start sleeping together?

Did he just vanish or actually break up with you?

What did he say when he came back to you. How did he contact you in the first instance.

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 22:42:07

Sorry Broken hearted I'm confused. He hasnt broken up with me. We chatted online a few months ago, only a few messages, then he suggested meeting but then disappeared. He got back in touch with me about 3 weeks ago. We've had 3 dates

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 22:57:27

Anyone else got any thoughts on this?

brokenhearted55a Sun 11-May-14 22:57:54

Well I don't see anything wrong with that.

its blatantly obvious he met someone else and vanished.

He owed you no explanation at all back then as he hadn't even met you. He wasnt your bf then. Now youve met him the past is the past.

brokenhearted55a Sun 11-May-14 22:59:51

I asked him a few questions about when/how many times he'd seem this woman, and the more i asked the more evasive he got and he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore..

I wouldn't like to be quizzed about my past by a new partner. Nothing to hide just none of their business after 3 dates.

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 23:01:26

I'm not actually bothered that he met someone else. What's bothering me is that fact he lied about it. I even said to him that i know how online dating works and had just made the acssumption he'd met someone else. If he lies about this, it worries me what other lies he'll tell

Bitofkipper Sun 11-May-14 23:01:28

What he did online before he met you doesn't count. Just be a bit watchful.

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 23:03:15

I agree that what he did online before we met doesn't matter. I've seen lots of people and was quite open with him about it. I just don't see the need to lie..

brokenhearted55a Sun 11-May-14 23:03:45

Fair enough.

I guess you have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not.

You have to decide how much you like him and if you want to keep seeing him.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sun 11-May-14 23:09:13

I've seen lots of people and was quite open with him about it. I just don't see the need to lie..

Exactly. There's no need, especially if you set the scene by being completely upfront yourself - he can't have thought that you'd flounce at the idea he'd been seeing someone else.

No. I'm afraid that the only reason to lie is because he's a guy who lies. You see lying as something big, something really not good. He doesn't. It was easier to lie to you than to explain something complicated/embarrassing/made him sound bad.

That's a big red flag. Don't go there.

heyho1919 Sun 11-May-14 23:12:12

Thanks Bruno. Yes lying is a big deal to me - it's one of the main reasons that i left my xh.
it worries me that this guy knows where i live and that i shared a lot of personal info with him - it all felt so right with him until i realised he must be lying. I'm worried about how to tell him i don;t want to see him again.

brokenhearted55a Mon 12-May-14 00:07:50

Just tell him. Straight up. Its unlikely he'll harm you.

Viviennemary Mon 12-May-14 00:12:45

I don't think I'd worry too much about this lie. He must want to see you again if he has made contact. I'd just take it one step at a time and wouldn't make a huge deal about accusing him of being a liar and demanding an explanation. After all you had only three dates with him. If you don't want to see him then don't.

heyho1919 Mon 12-May-14 00:27:28

Thanks for all these responses. I've been lying awake worrying about it

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