Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Accused of flirting with a football manager?

(54 Posts)
violetpsyche Sun 11-May-14 21:51:51

On friday evening I went to my cousins hen night. It was in a pretty well known night club which is not my usual sort of place. It was one where the night started early with a meal and a cabaret (dreadful) and free entry to the club for those who want to stay on. I had not planned to stay that late but another younger cousin on mine wanted to stay for a while and I was giving her a life home so I stayed. At about 10.30pm we went downstairs to the main club and it was dead except for a group of men who turned out to be some players from a local football club. I am 35 and my younger cousin is 26 and very pretty so she very quickly attracted attention. She was talking to one of the players and I got talking to the teams manager (he is about 40ish) who was with him. I happened to know how he was and that he was married with children. I was wearing my wedding ring so we chatted and that was it, we did really get on he bought me a couple of soft drinks and he was a lovely guy. We mainly spoke about our families and it turns out one of my close friends is married to one of his old school friends and I had a nice time. I don't think the club was really either of our usual sort of place and I think we were a welcome distraction for each other.

Anyway the club filled up and more of my family had come down from the function area. The cousin who I had come down with was off talking to someone else and it was just me with the manager. I didn't think anything of it until I noticed that my one of my cousins wife was giving me dirty looks and gesturing at me. She had had way too much to drink so I ignored her. When it got to about 12.30 was ready for my bed and said goodbye to the man I had been chatting to. He said it had been lovely to meet me and he kissed me on the cheek. That was it.

I then went over to my family to get the cousin I was taking home and got an earful of abuse from my cousins wife who had been staring at me, she was drunk and was accusing me of getting with this man and said she had seen us swap numbers. The only time he had his phone out was when he showed me pictures of his kids! I tried to explain but she kept saying how she hated cheats more than anything and eventually I just said there was no point talking to her until she was sober and walked away with the cousin I was talking home.

Obviously its difficult for me to say how it looked from accross the room but while I thought he was a lovely and attractive man I wasn't swooning over him and he wasn't pawing at me we just talked. I have equal male and female friends so it is normal for me (as I am sure it is for many others) to talk to the opposite sex with no ulterior motive.

Anyway over the weekend it has caused a bit of a scandel in my family and I'm very embarressed by it all. I'm annoyed at my cousins wife for stiring things up. I told my husband about it and he just laughed but I feel like some are taking me for a scarlett woman!

I am sure if he hadn't been a recognisable person it wouldn't have been such an issue but its been blown out of proportion. I am sure it will all be forgotten about but I am still pretty angry at how it has been taken by certain people. Honestly its my 1st time at a club in about 10 years and this happens!

ForalltheSaints Sun 11-May-14 22:12:50

I am curious to know which club. Only as my aunt knew a player when she was 18 whom others thought was her boyfriend, and he ended up as the manager of a league title winning team (I won't spill the beans as the man concerned is deceased).

violetpsyche Sun 11-May-14 22:15:25

Its a scottish club but I won't say what team or who it is. There really is nothing to tell anyway other than how it has all been taken.

ChelsyHandy Sun 11-May-14 22:17:25

Your cousin's wife's jealous. I'd be tempted to bring it up at family gatherings along the lines of "Dear cousin's wife, I can't help remembering the time you got really worked up when I was out with X at X club and got chatting to that lovely family man X manager. You got all over-excited about it, your behaviour was so funny, he was such a lovely man, telling me all about his family. Have you managed to get out much yourself?"

I have a friend who is very like your cousins wife. It's very frustrating when are out together in a group cos if you so much as look at another man there's something there. I remember on my own hen night her sil who was only a few months married herself disappeared in the nightclub we were in, went to the loo got lost coming back, she was quite drunk. Friend had her painted as chatting up every man in the place! I don't know why everything has to be suspicious all the time, whatever happened to being friendly and just having a good night.

ForalltheSaints Sun 11-May-14 22:17:27

If it's whom I think it is, the problem will go away as he is moving to another club in the close season.

violetpsyche Sun 11-May-14 22:21:37

Well I have no plans to ever see him again anyway, it was a chance meeting and I don't have his number or his address. I doubt I would ever see him again even if he wasn't moving.

Hopefully if he does move then my cousin's wife will forget about it!

Redcoats Sun 11-May-14 22:22:48

The problem isn't the football manager it's the loony cousin

Just laugh it off next time it's mentioned.

violetpsyche Sun 11-May-14 22:27:20

Well I am hoping that she will cool down and realise what an idiot she has been. She is a bit rough and gets over involved in others peoples lives, she can be lovely and would do anything for her family but she has marched into pubs in her pjs before because her husband came home and told her a married friend of theirs was in the pubs chatting up a woman, so she went down to save the marriage!

Personally I think she is interfering and overly dramatic.

BetteDavis01 Sun 11-May-14 22:32:52

She is a trouble maker. You haven't done anything wrong, so I imagine it must be so infuriating to be accused of something. It's very unfair on you.

I have come across people like this before and they are just out to cause grief for other people. In the future, try and avoid her if you can. She sounds unpleasant and jealous of you.

wheretoyougonow Sun 11-May-14 22:37:41

I would be making very clear how drunk she was and act all concerned (passive aggressive) 'does she normally act that out of character when drinking?'!

violetpsyche Sun 11-May-14 22:49:57

She's not a bad person, but she is over reactive and emotional. I am not sure how to handle it. A dignified silence perhaps? I know she has been talking to other family members not at the hen night as I had two concerned calls from an aunt and my mother, good grief! Its been very embarressing.

I guess the main thing is that my husband is finding it amusing, in fact he was only disappointed I didn't get any football gossip. I think we only mentioned football once in our conversation!

thepianoteacher Sun 11-May-14 23:02:41

Is it possible that there was something between you and this man and that you are in denial? You spend 2 hours talking to each other, well beyond the time your young pretty relative spent with the other guy. He bought you drinks, he kissed you on the cheek. Clubs are noisey so you most likely had to lean in to each other to converse, if your honest you were getting pretty cosy with this man. There is no way he was spending 2 hours talking to you if he wasn't considerably attracted to you and vice versa.

Your intentions may have been innocent, you weren't drinking (what if you had been) but the evidence suggests that there was a mutual attraction there and this other woman picked up on that.

I would not be surprised if you find yourself running into this man again sometime soon.

labetenoir Sun 11-May-14 23:43:37

its difficult to say but I kind of agree with the saying no smoke without fire. You need to be brutally honest with yourself about this one.

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 11-May-14 23:47:23

thepianoteacher are you the cousin? That's just... Words fail me. So talking to a member of the opposite sex for a few hours with whom you have acquaintances in common about family and such is going lead to an affair.

If she had been drinking nothing more would have happened then. Or do you think she would have stripped off and ridden him like a Blackpool donkey right there in the bar?

Should the OP lock herself at home and avert her eyes should the postman think meeting his gaze means he's in?
What utter rubbish. It's a none issue to the most important people involved, the OP and her DH its just the cousin who's stirring the pot.

Set the record straight and tell the over involved cousin she should look after her own relationship instead of bothering yours.

snowfright Mon 12-May-14 13:23:43

I think I would feel anxious if I knew my husband had been talking to a younger woman in a nightclub all night. The implication is that he is attracted to her. In my experiance very few me spend time on women they don't find sexually attractive. The fact that he is well known, successful, has money is going to make it an issue of jealousy amongst women.

Jan45 Mon 12-May-14 14:46:57

Sorry but I wouldn't be sitting with a man for two others letting him buy me drinks if I was in a relationship, exactly for the reason that I could end up looking like you, yes it was innocent but to others it won't look that way, why were you not sitting with the rest of the family?

Jan45 Mon 12-May-14 14:47:42

not others, hours.

violetpsyche Mon 12-May-14 15:06:34

I was talking to him because myself and younger cousin went down to the club earlier than everyone else due to awful stripper guy being on upstairs. She got chatted up by a footballer and so I made conversation with the guy he was with the manager. I recognised him from when he used to play for another local team so I knew who he was.

He was really nice to talk to and by the time I looked up my younger cousin had drifted off and that was when I saw my cousins wife making a fuss. If she hadn't done that I would have went over to them but I just thought sod it! I had a much nicer time talking to him than if I had been sitting with the drunker, less classy elements from my extended family!

Jan45 Mon 12-May-14 15:11:29

Fair enough OP but people will make of that what they will.

Oh god you've done nothing

Thinly veiled mysogny to say that women can't chat about their lives to a stranger of the opposite sex for a couple of hours.

You don't belong to anyone but yourself, and if you're right with yourself and your relationship you've done nothing wrong.

violetpsyche Mon 12-May-14 15:19:26

Maybe you are right, certain elements in my family are quite rough and not very cosmopolitain in their views so me talking to a man is equal to infidelity. Meanwhile they are upstairs staring and gaggling at a 23 year old lad take his clothes off while their partners are at home watching the kids.

However if I have a conversation with an attractive, successful man I am a slut.

Jan45 Mon 12-May-14 15:21:06

If you put alcohol in the mix people tend to exaggerate everything!

Twinklestein Mon 12-May-14 15:40:42

She just sounds like a drunk chav, I would ignore it personally.

Thenapoleonofcrime Mon 12-May-14 15:50:18

I was kind of with you with the innocent chat until you said about the kiss on the cheek. I can't quite imagine a situation in which you are chatting like old mates, nothing in it but it's a little odd to lean in in a nightclub and kiss you goodbye unless you want to get close to the person.

Unless I don't get out much!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now