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Bit of a silly one but a mum at school seems to have a crush on DH...

(99 Posts)
MrsWolowitz Sun 11-May-14 12:20:38

I trust DH fully and he's not the sort of man to pick up on someone flirting with him at all. He is very friendly and chatty and gets on well with everyone.

He mentioned to me a couple if weeks ago that one of the mums at school, let's call her X is really chatty. I thought it was odd as she hardly speaks a word to me and isn't very friendly to anyone.

Since then she has started making a beeline for him and will go to the coffee mornings if he's going (he's on the PTA so runs it once a week if his shifts allow). She doesn't usually go. She's started making comments to him about how she's single and they share a hobby and she's been dropping large hints about them doing it together. DH has ignored the hints��.

It's not like DH to notice things like this but I didn't think much of it but one of the other mums that I'm friends with mentioned it to me and said that she'd picked up on X flirting with DH.

At first DH and I had a chuckle and I didn't think much if it, other than it's almost flattering that DH is attractive but actually I'm getting a bit annoyed. X sees me most days and won't speak to me unless I speak to her but is openly flirting with DH. It's a bit disrespectful to flirt with a married man no?

I'm full if cold and feel rubbish so maybe I'm being silly but I'm feeling a bit annoyed with her. Would you?

MrsWolowitz Sun 11-May-14 12:22:07

*Doing it together = doing the hobby, not sex!

Smilesandpiles Sun 11-May-14 12:30:16

Ignore it.

Sometimes (or mostly at our school) the parents are worse then the kids when it comes to playground gossip.

You trust your DH so just leave it at that.

Hope your cold goes soon.

katykat5 Sun 11-May-14 12:31:10

It is disrespectful to flirt with a married man but if your DH is not responding and doesn't even notice half the time, I wouldn't worry. You seem to have become concerned after another mum mentioned it to you. Is this a woman you can trust or can she be a bit of a stirrer?

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName Sun 11-May-14 12:37:13

Maybe she is and maybe she's not. Maybe she is very shy and just feels she gets on with him because of the shared interest.

Ivehearditallnow Sun 11-May-14 12:37:39

Ugh - she sounds desperate! And like she's making a fool of herself if other people have noticed it.

If I were you I'd pity her and be flattered. She's a fine example to the PTA hmm

QueenBean Sun 11-May-14 12:39:50

Ignore. If you did say something to her, she would obviously decline, say she's just being friendly and then you'd look like a jealous wife. Don't do it!!

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sun 11-May-14 12:40:20

And then make a point of going to school with your dh one day and being all over each other. Just to hammer the point home. grin

Bloody hell, maybe she's just trying to make a friend

I hate the way people gossip about 'flirting' when people are just talking - unless she's rubbing her crotch up against him I'd assume she was hoping to make a friend

It's such an insult to women that they can't be friendly without being painted as 'maneaters'

DeadCert Sun 11-May-14 12:46:51

Without sounding like I'm bragging but this has happened several times with my DH.

I adopt "super friendly, but uber affectionate loving wife" pose around the women (and on one occasion man). Not a lot you can do about it, really doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about with your DH.

MrsWolowitz Sun 11-May-14 12:47:04

Bloody hell, maybe she's just trying to make a friend

Well seeing as she's aloof to the point of rude when women talk to her I don't think that's the case.

I won't say anything but it's annoyed me a bit. The mum that mentioned it is a friend of mine and not usually a gossip. I trust her bit to be saying thigs for the sake of being bitchy.

Smilesandpiles Sun 11-May-14 12:54:15

Aloof to the point of rude.

That's not really surprising though is it?

She's spoken and chatted to 1 bloke and rumours are flying about that she's trying to flirt with your husband. Now, you are on here having already made up your mind that she's on the pull.

If this is the reaction she gets, it's no bloody wonder she doesn't bother with the rest of the school yard. She's more than likely seen/heard all this before.

Ivehearditallnow Sun 11-May-14 13:50:50


It's basic manners to be nice to both people in a couple - if she likes op's DH but not OP that doesn't mean she should be nice to him but not OP.

Would he really be friends with someone who is rude to his wife? No.

Stop playing devils advocate - if this woman is tryng to make friends she's not going a very good way about it.

Ubik1 Sun 11-May-14 13:53:17

Just ignore it.

If it is a crush, it will pass.

Ubik1 Sun 11-May-14 13:54:51

Oh god don't start doing PDAs in playground. That really is fucking sad.

VeryStressedMum Sun 11-May-14 13:57:28

Ignore her, if someone didn't bother to speak to me unless I spoke to them first I would very soon not be bothering to speak to them.

GemmaPomPom Sun 11-May-14 14:00:10

The hobby… is it something unusual? Like, is it possible that she has never met anyone else who shares this hobby before?

MrsWolowitz Sun 11-May-14 15:43:56

The hobby… is it something unusual?

No. It's swimming.

She's spoken and chatted to 1 bloke and rumours are flying about that she's trying to flirt with your husband.

Well, we've all known each other since our DC started school so including preschool that's 3 years and this is the first time I've seen/heard any gossip. They're a nice bunch.

I think there's some devils advocacy going on. Surely not bothering to talk to anyone else but making a beeline for one man in particular is unusual. Especially seeing as it's been picked up on by other people?

I won't do anything. I'm just feeling a bit hmm

Shockers Sun 11-May-14 16:03:11

There was a woman like this at DS's school who seemed really over the top with DH. I was really annoyed about it.

She's now my closest friend. A lot of the women at school don't get her because she's very sporty and seen as a bit of a 'superwoman/mum'... they think she's trying to appear that way to impress their menfolk (not surmising here, I've heard it from a lot of the school mums). In reality she is a blimmin superwoman, but one with feelings who has realised that men don't judge her like women do. Her over the top-ness was relief that someone was being friendly. She's one of the loveliest people I know who would go out of her way to help anyone.

I'm glad DH made friends with her, she and I camped with the kids for most of last summer, sans blokes and had a wonderful time.

Yours could be different OP, but you'll only find out by offering friendship. She might be really grateful (you could get your DH to introduce her to his friends too wink.

Caucasus Sun 11-May-14 16:08:19

Why don't you try being really, really friendly with her? If it's innocent (as some people here think) she'll be grateful to make a friend, and if it's not innocent, she sure as hell should feel guilty for flirting with the husband of someone being so nice to her, and may stop.

kinsorange Sun 11-May-14 16:08:34

I personally would do something about it.
Others have noticed and are no doubt talking about it.

If it was my husband I would say to him to say something to the woman, along the lines of "you know I am married and have no intention of not staying with my wife dont you?" a little sternly to her. And walking away.

Then I would see what happens.

The woman needs to be put out of her emotional and social misery if nothing else.

careeristbitchnigel Sun 11-May-14 16:14:04

The OPs tried to be friendly and got the cold shoulder

I've been in a similar position to you, OP. Unfortunately DH accepted the friendship and before long she was trying to engineer all sorts with him. He never reciprocated but i had to lay down the law because i could see exaclty where she wanted to go

unlucky83 Sun 11-May-14 16:22:14

Maybe she thinks you and DH are 'solid' so it is safe to chat to him and treat him like friend (you, DH, others) would think there could be any other motive because he is obviously 'taken' and she just usually gets on better with men than women...
I do lots of DIY etc - most other mums don't - so sometimes it is great to talk to someone (a dad) that is interested, can swap advice and this thread has made me hmm about especially someone's DH who if he is around I do tend to approach and talk to him (he's really good at joinery!!!) I would hate his DW to think I was 'after him' - I don't see or think of him like that at all...confused

(But then this POV is coming from someone who told another mum I thought her DH was looking good when I had seen him a day or so before blush as soon as I said it did seem wrong and I did kind of back track and explain...the last few times I'd seen him he was looking stressed/unwell and he seemed noticeably and visibly healthy and happier...and I'm not very observant.blush)

WildBill Sun 11-May-14 16:26:17

It isn't illegal to chat to a married man, if she's not talking to you maybe she's aware of your hostility towards her. Sorry but talking to someone isn't flirting in my book!

Shockers Sun 11-May-14 16:28:30

OP didn't say she'd tried to be friendly (unless I've missed a later post), she said flirty lady didn't speak to her unless OP spoke first. OP hasn't mentioned friendly chit chat as far as I'm aware.

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