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Being DRY

(993 Posts)
Bigglesfliesundone Sun 11-May-14 09:39:22

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

smile

Come and have a coffee!

MaryAnnes Tue 07-Oct-14 02:07:16

Fascinating reading.

I used to be a heavy drinker. Could not stop at one or two. Turned to ten to twenty and nights out became a blur and often complete memory loss.

I've managed a year now not binging and just the occasional cider.

Amazing how much better you look / feel / sleep and also the amount of puppy fat you lose. Fortunately still in my 30s so hopefully given up the party lifestyle just in time before alcohol took over my life.

It become very controlling and as much as we think it's fun it's a very bad depressant and used to put me in a very bad place the day after a binge.

Best of luck to us all - an AF life is positive and healthy and hell saves a fortune with drinks now £5 a time when out or in clubs a double rum and coke £17 - £20 ! Per drink. Yes per drink.

Don't miss that feeling card cards finding receipts after receipt in the pockets!

Snowie2 Sat 02-Aug-14 19:41:06

Hi can I join I gave up alcohol for a year went back for a few months & now fed up with the Saturday morning wine fatigue ! I found being off alcohol easy but the constant questions & conversation s & pressure from everyone very difficult. I didn't have a massive problem just very busy life & wanted some more time to do positive things eg exercise etc. I definitely achieved that but was still very tired all the time looking back though I looked much better. As soon as I went back on the odd wine I gave up exercise & put on loads of weight :/. Would love to go off it again (starting today) but with Xmas looming in the distance I'll have to have the same conversations over and over. "I'm not an alcoholic I just gave it up no I won't have just one etc" I felt so much more normal when I went back on it & terrified ppl think I have major problem. Last night had too much wine & really suffering today ! Also quite short tempered so that's it in off it again fed up !

CornChips Sun 20-Jul-14 07:48:55

Yeah! New thread!

Fattymcbatty Sat 19-Jul-14 23:06:29

Lucy, 300 days, wow amazing, keep up the good work!

Well done allhail. Some really interesting points there and thanks for the new link.

allhailqueenmab Sat 19-Jul-14 22:09:55

Hi! we need a new thread soon. Or do we already have one?

Hot day in the park today - friend's birthday picnic - not drinking, which I don't take credit for as I had the car, but still, noticing things differently:

- how everyone else has the odd drink and then seems to forget about it
- how thirsty I was for watery drinks, and how shocking my headache would have been later if I had been drinking booze all through instead (which I would have)
- how delicious cold watery drinks are in this weather
- how soon you stop thinking about drinking, and how little it matters
- how you can open up just as well in the right context. This is the most amazing thing to me. My friend is a sort of genius at collecting interesting people, and I met lots of interesting new people, which is exactly the sort of context in which I thought I "needed" to drink, but actually to find again and again that I can have better conversations - more open, more relaxed, more sincere - is really interesting. (And there are other times which are socially bloody awful and you want to drink or get the hell out, but that is not the fault of not drinking.)

I can't find another thread so I started it so we can link to it before this one fills up. If there is another one and I am just being thick, I'll report and get it deleted

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2137624-DRY-5

Lucy2610 Sat 19-Jul-14 14:44:04

Hello all! smile
Passed 300 days yesterday. Never thought I'd be typing that!! For all those at the beginning of the journey or lurking and reading this please give it a go as it just might be the best thing you ever do - it was for me anyway ;)
Found a new drink in Saino's perfect for this hot weather - Fruitbroo Juicy Iced Tea Elderflower & Lime. You add a few teaspoons of the concentrate to a glass with some ice and water and voila - one nice refreshing iced tea.
Perfect accompaniment for ice cream grin

Haggismcbaggis Sat 19-Jul-14 10:07:11

That's very impressive FMcB! I haven't hosted anything at home yet.

I went to my book group for the first time since going AF. It was good fun although I feel I will be the first to leave things for the rest of my life. But it was nearly midnight FGS.

Hope everyone had a good Friday.

Fattymcbatty Fri 18-Jul-14 23:29:35

Lol, thanks Haggis!

I empathise re squabbling DCs. Went to m&s after school and my eldest two were squabbling so much that a shop assistant actually came and asked me if everything was ok! Erm, yep, just a normal day in parenting paradise grin.

Ps I had a lovely evening hosting a BBQ for friends tonight, happily pouring wine and beers for our guests and not feeling one bit tempted to have some myself. Quite proud of myself!

Haggismcbaggis Fri 18-Jul-14 19:07:19

Good luck FMcB. Decided I'm not calling you THAT.

Feeling sad. My eldest DD is just back an hour having been away 10 days at her grandmas. Out playing football for 5 mins with my DS and it descends into almighty screaming fit. Why can these children not play together for a few minutes. It's unbearable. Now both in their rooms screaming / crying. Sigh.

Fattymcbatty Fri 18-Jul-14 14:05:44

Well done Tortoise!!

Happy Friday everyone, got my first social event tonight - red bull and diet coke for me. Feeling strong grin.

CornChips Fri 18-Jul-14 04:59:34

That is GREAT Tortoise!!!!!!!

Great news. smile

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Fri 18-Jul-14 02:10:53

I don't think you'll find anyone who has quit alcohol after developing a drinking problem, who didn't try to moderate first. The idea of being without alcohol entirely is so fucking terrifying that most of us will try anything at ALL to avoid it.

But then you give up, and it's like - wow, I should've just done this years ago. This rocks.

In other (mememe) news: YOU GUYS! I did a brave thing and pitched an idea for an article to substance.com AND THEY SAID YES. THEY WILL RUN IT AND THEY WILL PAY ME ACTUAL MONEY FOR IT. THIS IS AN ALL-CAPS EVENT IN MY LIFE!

stayingdry Thu 17-Jul-14 20:26:56

I believe like its been said already, an alcoholic brain is wired differently. we just cannot stay at one drink, end of.
MERLIN, wow 20 years, hats off to yougrin grin I am 11 months sober very soon, celebrate my AA birthday in September, and like you AA saved my life, my family life. It has given me my sobriety and serenity, and the courage and knowhow to keep it one precious day at a timesmile
And I'm an atheist toowink

merlincat Thu 17-Jul-14 17:04:33

Aww, you guys! Moderation would never have worked for me, I'm absolutely confident that I would be dead by now if I'd tried it. It's not for everyone, but AA saved my life (I'm an atheist btw). Good luck to you all, you can get there.

Fontella Thu 17-Jul-14 15:40:00

I could never moderate either. No such thing as 'a glass or two of wine' in my life. The only time was during pregnancy and in the months after I had my kids and was breast feeding (and beyond) and the desire to drink just wasn't there. It was as if my body knew it had more important things to take care of, and any desire to drink disappeared.

I never went straight back to excessive drinking either. Two, three, four years on from there ... when the kids were still little, I was actually at a place where I was putting part bottles of wine back in the fridge with the cork in. Where a part-drunk bottle of wine would actually sit in the fridge for several days untouched! Where I could just pour a small glass and have with my dinner!

But sadly it didn't last. It was my maternal, biological body doing the self-moderating without any conscious effort from me. Once the kids got a bit older, started school etc. there were very few part drunk bottles of wine going back in the fridge, but lots of very empty empties going in the recycling bin to the point it was actually quite embarrassing how many there were. I was back to being unable to moderate and drinking to excess. Once that bottle of wine got opened .. it got drunk. And I don't just mean 'one' either. That went on for years and years.

So for me, there really was only one option and that was to stop. Now I can say hand on heart, I don't miss it, I rarely think about it. Life without booze is not the empty barren place I thought it would be. It's the same world as it always was, but now I'm fully alert to enjoy it, not to mention, fitter, richer, healthier and happier.

And Merlin! As others have said - 20 years wow! Fantastic. I wish I'd done it 20 years ago!

Haggismcbaggis Thu 17-Jul-14 15:24:51

Hi Beachy. Sadly there are very few of us who realise we have a problem with alcohol, who haven't tried (and failed) to moderate in the past. In essence, it's almost the definition of having that problem.
As Corn Chips says sometimes abstinence is less of a head-wreck than moderation. Never is scary (yes!) but it is an absolute and harder for the brain to worm it's ways into making exceptions. That's what happened when I moderated. My brain kept making exceptions to the "only out of the house", "only at weekends" etc rule. It was exhausting! But it took time for me to be able to even consider abstinence - but suddenly I was ready.

Merlin! 20 years. Amazing - well done to you. What a total inspiration.

beachywaves Thu 17-Jul-14 12:46:26

Thankyou for the replies. I totally agree with Cornchips about how it dominates your thoughts when you try and moderate it - its not very relaxing. I have had several periods in the last few years when I have stopped drinking completely and found once I got over the first weekend it was relatively easy. Like you Biggles, I would love to be a normal drinker, but realistically, I know I'm never going to be. Thanks again.

merlincat Thu 17-Jul-14 09:24:29

Good on you Biggles! It gets easier, it really does.

Bigglesfliesundone Thu 17-Jul-14 09:22:08

Wow Merlin thank you! I am up to almost nine months now and really excited about getting to a year!

Bigglesfliesundone Thu 17-Jul-14 09:21:21

I tried moderating for years. It's just not going to happen sad I would start off thinking, right just on holidays, just on holidays and weekends, just on holidays, weekends and Thursday (as Friday is my day off), just on holidays, weekends, Thursdays and Mondays (after a stressful day at work), just on holidays, weekends, Thursdays, Mondays and Ooo, birthdays and anniversaries of course; getting my drift? grin. Bit like the old lady who swallowed a spider.

I would love to be able to be a 'normal' drinker sad

merlincat Thu 17-Jul-14 08:42:31

Hi all, this Tuesday was my twentieth anniversary of giving up booze. I recognise your stories so acutely and remember the feelings you describe. I just wanted to say that your goals are achievable; if I can do it then you certainly can! My very best wishes to you all.

CornChips Thu 17-Jul-14 08:37:26

The other thing about moderating for me is that it makes me think about alcohol all the time. Where and when I will drink. How much I will drink, or not drink. if I have kept to the plan this week, or this day. I dont like alcohol taking up that amount of space in my brain.

CornChips Thu 17-Jul-14 08:33:49

Does not work for me either as I am also all or nothing. My DH also can moderate very easily. His brain is not wired the way mine is! Similarly, he was a social smoker and social cocaine user for 20 odd years ago and then just gave up without even thinking about it.

I do believe in the idea of an addictive brain.

Fattymcbatty Thu 17-Jul-14 08:25:50

Morning all,

Beachy, I think it depends on the individual. It wouldn't work for me as I'm an all or nothing person. My DH, on the other hand, will be able to cut down with no problem.

Lucy2610 Thu 17-Jul-14 08:23:19

beachywaves Tried it for 5 years as I didn't want to have to give up completely. Tried absolutely everything to no avail. Giving up was the best thing I ever did and it's been 10 months now and feel great. Wish I'd done it sooner! smile

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