Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Being DRY

(993 Posts)
Bigglesfliesundone Sun 11-May-14 09:39:22

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

smile

Come and have a coffee!

guggenheim Fri 11-Jul-14 19:40:11

mab you were very kind to me when I tripped and fell on my arse earlier this year. It's ok to slip now and again. In my case I think it will be again and again but as long as I am mostly sober that is a vast improvement on 'pissed every night'.

Best wishes- it will all be ok and then it will get better smile

Lucy2610 Fri 11-Jul-14 19:54:50

Evening sober peeps smile
Haggis I'm in touch with Rachel Black and she is another clinician. I think sometimes we can be because of our jobs a bit, well, clinical! Plus I worry about getting too lairy because of being a professional.
Mab if I had a pound for every time I stopped and started in the last 5 years I'd have paid for a lovely spa day out so go easy on yourself. I wrote a post about what you are describing - mistaking self-sabotage for self-soothing so completely get it
Merce I've been thinking about you this week - how did things go re DS?
Pearl As for nookie Tortoise wrote a great post about it and I wrote one too called sober intimacy. Having said above about not getting too lairy I was quite direct in that post!! ;)
Off for fish and chips <yum>

SundayMorningComingDown Fri 11-Jul-14 21:12:52

Hi everyone both old and new. Well, not old, but you know what I mean!
Thank You CornChips for your positivity-it's inspiring.
Mab-don't beat yourself up. I am still on again-off again, but one thing is certain; even when I slip, I still have a more sober mindset. Gone are the days when I could normalise what I do. I know that even when I slip, it won't be forever, because I am working towards freedom, and so are you. That's really important, that the denial is gone, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Interesting stuff regarding alcoholic family members. My dad was an alcoholic, and it, ultimately, is what killed him. I remember a brief time, about 3 years before he died, when he went on the wagon, and he came to see me. I hadn't seen him for maybe a year and I couldn't believe the change in him. He looked so healthy and happy, he was present and positive. It was fun hanging out with him. I am so sad that he couldn't hang on, and didn't get any real support, because he has missed most of his beautiful grandson's life. And mine I guess.
It definitely helps me on my sober path, having seen how his life panned out.
I still think about him often. He was one of life's autodidacts. My uncle told me how, at 3, he started reading my grandpa's Daily Mirror and the whole family was stunned. They were a very working class family with no books in the house, and he was like some kind of changeling! He taught me all I know about art and history, and was incredibly clever. He threw it away for booze, and I don't want to be like him. I am determined to not follow him down that road.
On the subject of sober friends, I recently became friendly with someone who has been sober for 15 years. She is ace! Really funny, goes out all the time, has lots of friends. At one time I might have not invited her round, as it would have meant no booze up. Now she is my role model.( She doesn't know this!)
Forward, ever forward.
xx

SundayMorningComingDown Fri 11-Jul-14 21:18:43

OMG, and Tortoise! Thank You as well for, well, all of the writing you do. <Not worthy, not worthy etc>
x

twolittleboysonetiredmum Fri 11-Jul-14 21:20:25

Sundaymorning, your post has totally the reaffirmed why I'm doing this so thank you. And also to know there are sober and fun people out there! I've been thinking about if I'll become mega boring for not drinking today. First Friday without wine in a long time, and it was ok. I haven't shared my sober plans with Dh.so he was a bit miffed I wouldn't have a drink with him (he only has one or two anyway). It seems,strange not to tell.him but I don't feel like I can
somehow, that I need to try on my own for a bit. Is that weird?

CornChips Fri 11-Jul-14 21:29:22

I have not told my DH either yet. Not officially anyway. he has started to twig though. (after 3 months.) And has stopped drinking also- although tbh he's never been much of a drinker.

I'm the same too, haven't quite got to feeling able to open up to dh so you are not on your own twolittle.

I have struggled tonight, I think it's the Friday night mindset for me! I have come up to bed now and pleased I have made it through ( I was even considering one of dh's ciders)

So that's day 4 under my belt, we are camping this weekend; this is going to be especially hard as I always love a glass or 5/6 round a camp fire of an evening. Have a great weekend all.

Imfeckinpetigo Sat 12-Jul-14 08:53:45

Morning everyone, I'm not much of a poster but I have been catching up on this thread daily. I find it gives me strength and I can identify with so much. I've also read your blog Lucy, it's wonderful and the others you recommended. I haven't bought any actual books yet, I think I should but I'm kind of scared too, probably as that to me will be admitting fully I am an alcoholic rather than a problem drinker. I know I'm an alcoholic really, but a bit of me keeps hoping I'm not. Stupid.

I'I'm not missing booze at the moment, but I have such a bad association with it after my last session that everytime I think of a glass of wine I get a flashback to 'that night'.

I'm starting cbt next week, it sounds on paper like it will help but I'm still terrified. Taking on something new when I feel a bit unstable sometimes is a scary thought for me but I am so determined to stay AF that I'm willing to try. I also have to do.some.'homework' for my counselling. A lot of questions really which I want to answer honestly and think properly of my goals but me being me I keep putting off doing it. Again the fear of being truthful.

Anyway sorry for long post. Thank you to you all, when I feel sad or confused it's great to come here.

Lucy2610 Sat 12-Jul-14 10:45:19

Imfeck I'm finding CBT really helpful though it does stir stuff up so be prepared to feel some wobbles. Thanks for the kind words about blog smile
Quick wave as off to village fete!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Sat 12-Jul-14 11:53:38

Sex: like everything else, it's about getting into a new habit. It felt odd as first, but it's fine now because sober is normal. The one thing I do find is, I have trouble turning the rest of my thoughts off. I think I have a bit of ADD going on, although who knows, but certainly I used to use alcohol very deliberately to make myself 'stupider' / more focused on one thing. Like TV; I can't watch TV any more, I used to only be able to if I was really drunk, because it doesn't hold my attention enough.

Obviously one would like to say that sex is more compelling than TV, but...

Bigglesfliesundone Sat 12-Jul-14 18:43:20

Well, everyone, I am feeling really really - I don't even know what the word is... just got back from a party with some friends from about 25 years ago (different lot!) we all used to go to one couples house every July for a summer garden party and get slaughtered etc. There was a bit of reminiscing about how I would get pissed, start a fight or cry and have to be carried home - all very light hearted, and everyone was very impressed with me etc. BUT I felt such an outsider as they're still doing it. There was so much booze there. and several people were stumbling and dozing by 5 pm. My best friend from the time had actually passed out by 3.30, after slobbering all over me and telling me how much she loves me and all the rambly stuff! I just felt miserable to be honest, miserable and not part of it any more.

Where do I belong now? I can't go to events anymore as I don't fit in. You know I just feel so so sad. sad

Haggismcbaggis Sat 12-Jul-14 19:31:28

Biggles. I totally understand. I went to a 40th birthday party last night and was so bored. I was clock watching until I could acceptably leave. In fairness no one was even that drunk either. It must have been way harder at your thing. I have a house party tonight that I really really don't want to go to. I want to go to bed instead.

I did remind myself that aside from the disastrous/embarrassing nights out with alcohol, there were also some times at a boozy party where I never quite got into the swing, was bored etc. but like you I am wondering what my social life will be b

Bigglesfliesundone Sat 12-Jul-14 19:43:22

It's not like I'm brand new to it, it's nearly 9 months now - and I've been to other do's. I guess it was the congregation of people at this particular one always used to = booze, fags and a few drugs..

I just hope they weren't offended that i slipped off. I had dd2 with me so I will just say she got bored (which she did - of people going 'ooh isn't she beautiful' in slurry voices grin )

The other issue was my sanctimonious boring mememememe ex boyfiend (14 years sober with AA and don't we bloody know it!) was there. I didn't want to start talking to him about being sober as he really does know it all grin

Must find something else to do. Everywhere is bloody booze angry

Bigglesfliesundone Sat 12-Jul-14 19:53:25

Spookiest thing just happened. I wandered through to the conservatory where loads of books and toys and things are kept and a book literally fell off the shelf. It was 'Daily Reflections' which is an AA book I bought when I went though my brief AA stage. I picked it up and opened it and the first sentence I saw said this:

'I have more than enough to handle today without dragging along yesterdays baggage too..'

A bit freaky!!

guggenheim Sat 12-Jul-14 21:02:35

Lol! that's funny biggles

I had an odd evening where my mood just suddenly changed and I very much wanted to drink. I knew I wasn't going to,so I stomped around cleaning and cooking.It passed after a couple of hours.Strange and annoying.

I saw a huge and fab looking hen night on one of the open park areas near me. The women were having a lovely time but the bottles of sparking wine were piling up around them- that was at 1.30ish today. They probably went home or onto something else,I'd have kept going. Then walking home I saw two homeless men crashed out in the street.People were stepping over one man but he was still clutching his can even in his sleep. Very sad but a typical sight. Why do we normalise drinking so much in our culture? Madness! There are many places in the world who do not spend evenings drinking or need it the way we do here.

I can sympathise with the posts about parties. It's fine if there are other sober people and it has got easier as times gone on. I do more day time socialising or going to event type things then I used to.

Haggismcbaggis Sun 13-Jul-14 01:04:55

Guggenheim - glad you didn't drink. Biggles - do you think you were getting a message? A good message to have.

Only lasted 2 hrs at the party. Said no to drink and to drugs. Briefly toyed with the idea of the latter as pathetic as that sounds. But the thought passed quickly. Glad to be home and off to my warm bed.

Bigglesfliesundone Sun 13-Jul-14 08:36:50

woke up feeling good as usual! Thinking of sore heads a few miles down the road!

Hideous weather sad we are supposed to be collecting a trampoline from a friend of dd today - they are emigrating and giving it to us - but don't think we fancy it in this weather.... waiting to see if it stops [smile.

I hope everyone is OK.

CornChips Sun 13-Jul-14 08:37:59

Hi everyone. Hope everyone is good this morning. That is a funny sign Biggles. smile

The wedding went well, but I am was really tired and never got into the swing of it either. Oddly enough- it was a completely dry wedding. Neither bride nor groom drink, so it was only softs on offer. Oh my the grumbling from other guests... alot of very unhappy people. Hopefully the B&G were oblivious. They certainly looked deliriously happy. The wedding was lovely, very relaxed, a BBQ in the garden. Home quite early which was nice too.

Hope you all have a lovely day.

Bigglesfliesundone Sun 13-Jul-14 09:36:18

This is the the thing about alcohol permeating everywhere corn. We're all so used to it that if it isn't there we are shocked! I can't imagine anyone yesterday even entertaining the thought that there may be No Drink!

I sometimes feel very selfish as I just wish it could disappear from the world. I honestly don't see any good in alcohol anymore. Even people who just have 'one or two' why? why have any? Ridiculous really coming from someone who drank the ocean in 25 years grin

CornChips Sun 13-Jul-14 10:13:19

It's true. People were pretty annoyed, and some people left early. One woman said if they were not going to even offer something for the toast then she would rather go home and feed her guinea pigs - and left shortly afterwards. It was quite interesting to observe really. Alcohol does permeate- and I have a suspicion that problem drinking is a very great deal more common that I ever suspected. I thought it was just me who could not handle it. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it but be relaxed about it. Maybe not.

Lucy2610 Sun 13-Jul-14 10:46:05

Morning all
Haggis I'd have done the same at the party - as in consider something else rather than booze
Biggles the rain doesn't stop my two getting on the trampoline and they've already been out on it this morning! Lots of clothes to dry though <groan>
CornChips That's brilliant - a dry wedding!! In my drinking days I'd have fumed too but now I think good for them. How rude though about no booze toast and going home to feed the guinea pigs! We are obnoxiously rude about alcohol aren't we as a nation? The stats on problem drinking are 1 in 4 but seeing as so many of us aren't truthful with our health care professionals (me included) I reckon it's as high as 1 in 3.

Haggismcbaggis Sun 13-Jul-14 11:03:48

Morning Lucy. I meant to respond to your message about Rachek Black a few days back. yes, I guessed she is from a medical background from her writing, shift work etc. the point is not all so er writing has to be the same. I love your medical slant - find it really informative because at the moment, knowledge is power.

Re trampolines - I can see bouncing on one when it's wet is ok - but dismantling a wet one and putting it in your car might be horrendous! I'm with you on the Corn Chips.

We had the most horrendous rain storm here last night. Woke me up. I'm not sleeping well at all these days which is hacking me off. I seem to fall asleep then wake up after 20mins then twice more during the night. I've tried limiting liquids after a certain point. But I do have a terrible addiction to screens and look at them last thing. Plus all the extra sugar I'm eating at the moment.

Fascinated by the idea of a dry wedding but like others I would have been fuming at the thought. It's so odd, I like my friends and find plenty to chat about when we meet for coffee. Why are we SO ingrained in there having to be alcohol past a certain time of the day?

Anyway, here's to a happy sober Sunday. So excited about Tortiose's developments regarding her writing!

Haggismcbaggis Sun 13-Jul-14 11:12:37

Sorry trampolines was meant for Biggles. I hate the ipad for posting on MN you can't see any of the thread as you write.

Bigglesfliesundone Sun 13-Jul-14 12:53:06

Amazingly, trampoline collected and up! we did it between showers grin very proud of myself - imagine doing that with a hangover.

Rude people at the wedding [ I would have been miffed probably but wouldn't have been so discourteous.

Relaxing now and gazing at the trampoline (saddo).

Lucy2610 Sun 13-Jul-14 13:04:33

Biggles My kids LOVE their trampoline, so you're not the only saddo and well done you! Horrendous storms here yesterday too.
Haggis we advise our young people to stop use of screens 1 hr before bedtime to let the brain switch off. I'm not so great at following my own advice either wink

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now