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How to separate when you can't afford to....

(5 Posts)
tulipswouldbenice Sat 10-May-14 10:55:28

Hi, I am (yet again - see previous threads!!), psyching myself up to telling my dh I want us to separate. We've been stuck in the same cycle of misery for years. I tell him I've had enough, he cries, promises to change, I feel sorry for him, desperately don't want to break up the family, give in, things fine for a while, then back to same old disconnected misery. I can't keep doing it to myself. Again this week he has been an awful misery, made me feel like it's me at fault for just expecting a little chat or him to look up from the ipad for five minutes and acknowledge me.

My problem is this though, I have been hanging on till we can find a cheaper house (currently in rental as our purchase fell through - and deep down I knew I didn't want to commit to a mortgage with him again, things too uncertain). I have sat with the calculator and every which way I do it, even with child benefit and some tax credits (I don't qualify for a lot) and taking the cheapest 3 bed in the area (not that any are coming up, and we are looking at a wide area), I basically cannot afford it here on my own, I need a cheaper house . Even then, after everything I think I'll only have £100 left per month for non essentials.

I'm at the top of my earnings bracket. I just don't know what to do. I have to stay strong and listen to my inner voice. I know really my marriage isn't right and won't change. I also know that I have disconnected myself, any attempts I make are on behalf of the kids, that's not how I want to live. He sucks the life out of me.

Please help me see a way forward!! They say money doesn't buy you happiness but it bloody helps a lot....

Joylin Sat 10-May-14 11:52:05

Could you find somewhere smaller, move into an apartment or relocate to a cheaper area?

Brittapieandchips Sat 10-May-14 12:01:46

Sounds like you might have to move to a cheaper area, sorry.

Are you factoring in the amount of financial support you will get from him? If the children are his he is legally obliged to pay towards their upkeep, however much he might stamp his feet and threaten not to.

YOu might also be able to get housing benefit even though you are working.

tulipswouldbenice Sat 10-May-14 12:15:03

We're actively looking for something smaller and cheaper. We only took this house as a short term measure to keep our house sale. Moved a while back to a nicer area, much better schools and whilst I'm more than happy to make many compromises, I'm not prepared for my children to move schools again, they've settled well. I need to stay in the vicinity for Childcare. I've used the online calculators, I qualify for a bit of working tax credit but not housing benefit and yes I've factored in what he could give. A winning lotto ticket is what I need! I've finally recognised that he could now try with all his might but it wouldn't be good enough. I've switched off. I love him dearly but I get nothing from being with him and haven't for a long time. Time to respect myself and expect more. Am trying to sound brave and bold, repeating it like a mantra! I have to find a way to make it work.

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