Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

friend's ds made a pass at me.

(64 Posts)
Peechykeen Sat 10-May-14 10:29:12

Hi, I have lurked here for a while but never posted and I would love to hear the opinions of some of the wise MNers.

Background: I am a single mum of 2 Dcs aged 5 and 2. I'm 35. My friend who I have known since school is also a single mum, she's 36 and has one ds aged 19.

Last night my dcs were at their dad's so I went over to my friend's for a few drinks. Her ds was out with his friends at one of the pubs down the road from her house. About 9pm we decided to get a takeaway, there is a Chinese about a 10 minute walk away from my friend's so she offered to walk down and get one.

While she was out, her ds came back from the pub, he was a bit drunk but not completely plastered. We got chatting, he is doing a college course and I asked how he was getting on etc. He then started asking me about my love life (!) which I found a bit strange, he asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no. He laughed and then said he was surprised as all his friends would love to date a "fit milf". I just laughed a bit, felt quite uncomfortable though. He was sat on the sofa opposite and then moved over to my sofa and tried to kiss me! I pushed him off and said I was not interested but he was quite persistent, luckily my friend then came back and he went upstairs to his room. The whole thing made me feel very uncomfortable and I left quite soon after. He has never done anything of this sort before and never given any inclination that he fancied me. I am not at all interested in him and don't know if I want to be alone with him now.

What should I do? Should I tell my friend? Or just brush it off as a drunk mistake?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 10-May-14 10:42:40

I would tell your friend. He behaved inappropriately and she should have a word with him.

JustAQuickQuestionPlease Sat 10-May-14 10:46:07

I agree - I would tell your friend. What I particularly dislike is the fact he seems to think you'd just be up for it. Who the hell does he think he is?

RandomFriend Sat 10-May-14 10:49:06

I pushed him off and said I was not interested but he was quite persistent

This would be worrying in any situation. Someone needs to talk to him. I don't know how best it should be done.

Peechykeen Sat 10-May-14 11:03:25

Thank you, yes I am a bit worried about how my friend will react as I don't know how I would feel if someone told me this about my ds. I know teenage boys can be stupid and he probably just wanted to tell his friends he bagged a "milf" hmm but I do feel his behaviour was not appropriate.

eddielizzard Sat 10-May-14 11:06:42

i would tell your friend. but be prepared for your friend to go off you. difficult one.

SanityClause Sat 10-May-14 11:13:57

Actually, he is 19.

If you take it up with anyone, take it up with him.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 10-May-14 11:42:04

Unfortunately for him you are one "fit MILF" that he didn't successfully woo with his sweet-talking ways.

I wouldn't dignify his behaviour by acknowledging it one way or the other. He's beneath your notice, the cheeky, opportunist little sod. But I'd ensure I wasn't left alone in a room with him again either.

toyoungtodie Sat 10-May-14 12:50:15

Hi, if you tell your friend she will have to make a decision as what to do, one way or another. However she will love her son more than you so be warned as he may deny it. I would just put it down to him being young and drunk and don't mention it. It will only cause pain to his Mum and it may ruin a friendship that you value.
Congratulations on being thought so attractive though. Well done!

Why would you tell another adult's mum? Speak to him, tell him his behaviour was inappropriate and you're not interested, or else avoid him. But don't speak to his mum

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 10-May-14 13:17:00

"Congratulations on being thought so attractive though. Well done!"

Sod that. Being thought attractive by a 19 year-old wearing beer-goggles is nothing to be congratulated for. Some of them would fuck a hole in the wall if no-one was looking!

Lweji Sat 10-May-14 13:25:35

I'd be telling him that if he came close to me again it would warrant a chat with the police. And that I hoped he behaved more respectfully with women in future.
It worries me that he was quite persistent and wouldn't take a no. What would happen if his mother hadn't returned?

Peechykeen Sat 10-May-14 13:46:11

I think I should probably speak to him first. I have no idea how I would do it though, I think it would be a bit strange if I asked my friend for her son's mobile number!

I would like to think that he feels very embarrassed by his actions but I did think what would have happened if my friend hadn't come back when she did. As I said before he has never made any inclination towards me before and I have known him since he was a baby!

Itsfab Sat 10-May-14 20:17:52

Forget he is your friends son. He made a pass and wouldn't take no for an answer immediately. He needs telling.

DeadCert Sat 10-May-14 20:27:41

No, you don't speak to his mummy! He's 19 for Christ sake!

You tell him when you have the chance that his behaviour was totally inappropriate, you value his mums friendship and not to ever treat anyone so disrespectfully again.

IWillIfHeWill Sat 10-May-14 22:29:49

sounds like any lad, having had a few, trying it on. you told him, firmly, and he left.

what more really needs to be said?

Lweji Sat 10-May-14 22:41:20

That's not what came across from the OP or updates

And 19 year old boys should know better than not taking a no for an answer. No means no.

Hogwash Sun 11-May-14 00:04:42

Seriously Iwill - you'd be happy if your son tried it on with your friend?

DeadCert Sun 11-May-14 07:09:10

I wouldn't be happy no, but I'm not sure it's really the correct thing to tell his Mum off for an adults behaviour? Would you do the same if he was 30?

IWillIfHeWill Sun 11-May-14 07:23:01

Hogwash, he's an adult. Admittedly, he's a young, inexperienced and crass adult. But he's over 18 and the lady is 35 which is in no way old. She's single, and not bragging about her love-life, so she might be gagging for it. That's what the young lad's mind would say. Tbh, they think the same way when they're older.

Yes, I think its ok to try it on with your mum's friend. But if you really want to be successful, you need to pick on someone else, preferably someone who didn't know you when you were underage.

Lweji Sun 11-May-14 07:28:18

Oh, god, where to start?

Lweji Sun 11-May-14 07:33:15

Try it on is not the same as being quite persistent and leaving the OP uncomfortable.
Would it be ok to try to force a kiss or more on a younger woman?

Drink brings out the real people with no inhibitions.

VashtaNerada Sun 11-May-14 07:46:09

I think a quiet word with his mum would be right. He may be an adult but his mum's your friend, not him. I don't think you should have any more contact with him at all tbh.

toyoungtodie Sun 11-May-14 07:52:31

To bitterandonlyslightlytwisted , I am making a judgement here , but I think you use swear words a lot in your reply, which I think is unnecessary and your advice is aggressive . In the scale of things , it is a small minor thing that has happened. As a Mother, MIL,SIL daughter and DIL I have lived through a lot and experienced a lot of all kinds of relationships. She can approach the boy and tell him off but if she speaks to the Mother then her friendship with her will end , or at the very least go cold for a while. No Mother likes her children criticised even if they know that the child is in the wrong.

500smiles Sun 11-May-14 08:04:50

How awful for you OP in so many ways.

I think telling his mother puts our friendship at risk. Do you think he got the message? You say your friend came back, but if she hadn't do you think he would have persisted?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now