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online dating - how long to meet up?

(83 Posts)
Sassy777 Thu 08-May-14 13:52:06

Met a really nice guy online dating a couple of days ago. Been emailing and now texting loads (even texted me when he woke up this morning) but neither of us have suggested meeting up yet! My friends keep telling me to wait for him to ask as he might think I'm too forward if I do it... I just want to meet him and see if the chemistry is there in real life like it is online...

wallypops Thu 08-May-14 13:57:52

Don't wait. It's easy to build it up and get disappointed. Lots of misleading advertising OD.

Jan45 Thu 08-May-14 14:24:56

My friend says this is normal and she's never met up with loads of men cos they don't ask! These are the ones who are playing the field and just like to keep you in touch but have no intentions of mtg up.

I wouldn't be asking anyone out but if you are ok with this go ahead, least you will know one way or the other but I'd say he's not interested or he'd have asked you by now.

Writerwannabe83 Thu 08-May-14 14:33:48

Don't wait too long otherwise you run the risk of just turning into text message pen pals!

I met my DH online. We got chatting on the website on a Sunday and met up the following Thursday smile

Just suggest meeting up - after all, isn't that the point of the website. He is obviously keen on you. However, if he puts it off then I'd just mov on to the next guy smile

Writerwannabe83 Thu 08-May-14 14:35:13

And it was me who first mentioned that we should meet smile

Life is too short for games.

Just ask him and then at least you'll know where you stand.

Sassy777 Thu 08-May-14 14:39:04

I really don't think he's playing the field. He's asking loads of questions about me and we seem to have loads in common. Chatting almost constantly til past midnight so I'm pretty tired today! He's asked where I'd like to go on a first date and I told him I liked what he put on his profile... but he still hasn't asked!

Playingthelonggame Thu 08-May-14 14:42:10

He could be your soul mate on text an an absolute arsehole face to face.

Arrange a date. This a dating website not pen pals u.k.

If you don't like him you can move on to the next with out investing weeks of text romance .

Playingthelonggame Thu 08-May-14 14:42:45

Tbh I think he is just fishing.

JeanSeberg Thu 08-May-14 14:44:00

Suggest meeting up. From experience he'll either shit himself and disappear forever or be up for the idea.

Keep the first meet-up short and simple (quick coffee) and then decide if you want to go on a proper date after that.

And cut the texting right down in the meantime.

Sassy777 Thu 08-May-14 14:56:40

Why do you think he is just fishing playingthelonggame?

BitOutOfPractice Thu 08-May-14 14:59:18

Meet sooner rather than later

And just ask him. I think the very fact you're on a dating site kind of means it's a bit pointless being coy!

Playingthelonggame Thu 08-May-14 15:11:13

I did online dating years back and a few just liked to chat, spoke about meeting up but never actually asked but would text day/night seem really interested but never made the advancement to meet up. Like they just wanted to have a phone buddy. Some men just go on to see if they can get the interest of woman.

I also met a bloke who was really interested in a meet up and seemed really nice. When I met he was a fuckng weirdo, apparently all ready eaten even though we met up in a restaurant and seemed pissed of I ordered food. I was starving he was actually very creepy which didn't show on text.

I met some one else who pushed for a date quickly and I really liked him had lots of dates, moved pretty fast and then I found out he had three kids and a DP and then he accused me of being a stalker as I found this out.

There are a million dick heads on these sites but there a few good ones so you need to cut the wheat from the chaff quickly x

Playingthelonggame Thu 08-May-14 15:14:21

Honestly try and keep it almost business like. You don't actually know these people. You will get a better vibe face to face. Why invest emotional energy and I bet your already starting to like him and look forward to his text when they are compete strangers.

Push for a date. Only ask once. If he farts about, he is not serious.

JeanSeberg Thu 08-May-14 15:33:20

I just want to meet him and see if the chemistry is there in real life

This is key! You need to meet in the real world asap. Exchange a couple of messages on the site to see if you've a few things in common/similar outlook on life. Then suggest swapping numbers (and watch a lot of them run for the hills at this point...), followed by a quick phone call or a few more messages and then meet up.

Depending on what else you have going on, aim for a week from first message to first meet.

Sassy777 Thu 08-May-14 15:50:07

After quite a few messages on the website he asked for my number last night... just counted and we both sent 30+ each in 3 hours last night! That seems keen to me but this is my first ever online dating experience... I will ask him to meet up later on tonight when he's finished work.

Sassy777 Thu 08-May-14 15:52:14

Thank you all for your advice! Xx

Jan45 Thu 08-May-14 15:52:54

Sassy, not trying to rain on your parade but my friend was bombarded with messages, when she pushed for a meet up, they backed off.

Go for it! Let us know the outcome, I hope it's the one you want.

herald Thu 08-May-14 16:33:07

I have done a bit of online dating this year and in my opinion you should meet for maybe just a coffee to see if there is a spark or chemistry , I have always got to know them a bit on text, never spoke on the phone before the first date , then met up to see what you think.

I met two ladies that where really nice but not my type, one offered me sex on the first night ..no thanks!

I have know been seeing someone for about 8 weeks , again online dating met after a week and seems to be going well although it is only early days..

akaWisey Thu 08-May-14 18:05:53

Suggest a meet. Sorts the wheat from the chaff really quickly.

aegeansky Thu 08-May-14 21:18:20

I'm a guy. I don't understand why he hasn't asked to meet you if you are getting on so well online? I haven't dated online, but if I did, I wouldn't invest my time chatting past midnight unless I wanted something to happen...

Not at all saying all guys like this as I've heard some bizarre stories about online dating - all from women, about men being completely juvenile or worse. But you have nothing to lose. He may indeed be chatting up several women at a time/ game player. If you like him, ask. If he backs off, move on, right?

Good luck! :-)

Tinks42 Thu 08-May-14 21:38:56

All this night and day texting gets on my nerves to be honest. What for? Im not that available! I go for the speak and arrange a date within a week maximum or I tell them to get lost.

Sassy777 Thu 08-May-14 22:30:40

Well, more texts and asking questions tonight. He had to go to bed early because of work. I was just working up to asking him too! Am def going to ask him tomorrow.

PlantsAndFlowers Fri 09-May-14 00:50:31

I would think it a bit odd that that many messages had been exchanged without any mention of a date.

Done the internet dating thing and from experience would advise anyone to meet a prospective date ASAP. Forget all this texting malarkey, that's nice when you're dating someone, but you can't gauge chemistry any other way but in person. It also means you don't waste huge amounts of time (as well as building up a sort of relationship in your head) with someone who is only after a text/pen pal. Just ask him to meet with you as soon as possible. If he's genuine he'll do it, if he's not he'll either back off or will use stalling tactics to keep the texting going as long as possible until you finally twig he's a time waster and ignore him.

Out of interest, why do you think you should leave it to him to ask you?

VelmaD Fri 09-May-14 07:57:00

Within a week or so. Date suggested within four or five days tbh. Anything else and they weren't really interested.

Met boyfriend online on the Saturday night (late, so Sunday when he replied) Sunday night wed swapped numbers, met on the Thursday evening, clicked as much in person as on phone.

He was after a few years of dating though :-D

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