My father is a very angry, controlling man. He used to sulk a lot when I was a child, and would always tell my mum to tell me when I'd upset him. Him and my mum are both extremely oversensitive, so I'd often get told off or punished because I said "thank you" in the wrong tone or something.
I am in my thirties now but feel extremely angry as my dad totally over-used smacking. He used to smack me around the head, hard, or punch me on the arm, or slap my face.
What is even worse is that he continued "smacking" me until I left home at the age of 20, whenever he felt that I had done something wrong. My younger sister would get shouted at, but not smacked as much as I was. Apparently whilst I lived in his house then he had the right to smack me.
One of the final straws before I moved out was a morning when my dad woke up and thought a table in the hallway had been moved, and he came storming into my room in the early hours, removed my duvet and slapped me really hard on the thigh.
It's assault really isn't it? I still feel so angry about it.
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Did anyone else's parents over-use 'smacking'?
chickaboodledoodle · 07/05/2014 23:35
I got very similar treatment from my stepfather for a few years when he was very depressed. That's no excuse, but it's why, combined with the fact his own dad was similar toward him and his brother. Everything was my fault, and I'd even get tricked into being in trouble as an excuse to hit me if he had a bad day. Once he asked me what I'd done to something I hadn't touched, so I apologised to save a fight and he then screamed I was a liar and nothing was wrong with it and hit me around the head for lying
I blame my mother more so. She would drop me in shit to save her own skin, like letting me have days off school to keep her company and then pretending I lied I was ill so if get punished. She never stuck up for me so that he would treat her better and continue taking things out on me. My sister was always a golden child, still is, and she's grown into an entitled little madam. I love her but I'm glad I don't live with her anymore.
Our relationship is better now I'm not in his house, once I got big enough to hit back and smart enough to tell him how stupid he was he left me alone and finally sought help, realising his rages weren't right, but only after he hit my sister and was so terribly sorry. Never apologised to me though
You're brave for going NC. I regret putting it to one side and dealing with it because I still feel hard done by and want my apologies and answers but can't drag it all up again now. I just keep my distance when I can, but stay civil. He's a totally different man to what he was when I was growing up, but I still don't want him near my baby unsupervised when it's born. He and my mum are moving abroad soon anyway so they won't ever have it overnight regardless.
Sounds just like mine but he still insists there was nothing wrong with it - and yet he wonders why my brother and I have no love or respect for him .
NC sounds like a great idea to me - I would love to but that would mean NC with my mother too and that's not what I want.
OP I had similar. My dad stopped smacking me when he moved out 8 weeks before my 18th birthday, but only because it meant he wasn't physically there to do it anymore.
I was terrified of him.
I was flung across the living room/up the stairs by my hair; I was hit with his hands or whatever else was nearby; I would roll myself up in my duvet and hide from him; or shut myself in the wardrobe. I used to hear my mother tell people that I bruised easily and was very clumsy and accident prone.
Since he left home, my mother has both said that she was always scared on PE days that someone would notice the bruises when I got changed and ask me where I got them from, and also denied that it ever happened.
In the last conversation I ever had with her before going NC, she said, "I don't know if you remember what your dad used to do to you" Like I was going to forget!
And then when I accused her of not being bothered by it she said, "of course I was bothered by it. That's why I used to leave the room when it happened so that I didn't have to see it"
Oh, well that's ok then...
He died 18 months ago. I felt nothing at the funeral. I feel nothing now.
One parent dead, NC with the other and I'm better off and happier than I've ever been. 
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