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How to handle the behaviour of these friends?

(48 Posts)
veryrandomboringnamechange Sun 04-May-14 18:26:00

I have two friends that I introduced to each other. One is someone that I have been friends with for years (Friend A), and the other is my neighbour (Friend B). Our DCs are all in the same year at school, and when they all started school 4 years ago I introduced these two friends to each other.

They got on well, and for about a year we all met up regularly; for coffee, or with the children, or for nights out, which was nice. Suddenly I noticed that both were being a little bit offhand with me. They would do things such as meet up and not invite me, or would be walking on the school run ahead of me, both turn round and look at me but carry on walking rather than wait, or would both just be very off and sheepish when they saw me, as if they didn't want to talk to me.

I tried and tried to make an effort, but after a few months it was obvious that they didn't really want to be friends with me any longer, so I backed off.

They stayed best of buddies for quite a while, then I noticed that friend B seemed to have ditched friend A and that friend B had some new "mum friends" from the school that she was spending a lot of time with. Friend A then started contacting me again, and we started to meet up and do things together again. I mentioned how I felt about what had happened before but she was a bit dismissive of it and made out that nothing had happened, almost as if I'd imagined it. Which I really know that I didn't. Friend B also started being friendly towards me again, although I didn't really get close to her again, but I stupidly considered her a friend again.

However, now A and B have suddenly become close friends again. I think they had a night out a few weeks ago. And now both are snubbing me again. They keep doing things such as pretending that they haven't seen me at the school, and (I know this one sounds very childish), ignoring me on Facebook. Friend A also won't make any arrangements with me again. It's just like it was when they started ignoring me before.

I am guessing that this is going to happen again and again each time I get friendly with friend A again. Friend B is a bit of a "divider and conqueror" and has to be in with everybody.

What do I do?

Banoffeepiefan Sun 04-May-14 18:29:24

Disengage. One is spineless and the other a bitch.

Pagwatch Sun 04-May-14 18:29:45

I know this is going to sound trite but honestly, just dump them.
Life's too short.
The fact that friend a pretended they hadn't cut you out would be the clincher for me.
They both sound bloody childish and hard work.

RandomMess Sun 04-May-14 18:29:46

Urgh, stay well clear of both of them and concentrate on building other friendships.

HeyBungalowBill Sun 04-May-14 18:30:13

Would you dare to try confront them again? If so I'd do that then probably call it a day, leave them to it.

What an awful way to treat someone! angry

Cocolepew Sun 04-May-14 18:31:18

Kill them.

Cocolepew Sun 04-May-14 18:31:30

Or ditch them.

veryrandomboringnamechange Sun 04-May-14 18:31:45

I'm not sure whether or not I can truly be bothered to confront them again, much as I would like to. I think they would probably just deny that anything has gone on and try to make me feel like I'd imagined it all. I feel like they both gaslighted me a bit.

PlumpPartridge Sun 04-May-14 18:33:28

You gave Friend A a chance and she's now shown that you were definitely not imagining it the first time round. Don't waste any more time on her or B.

If/when Friend A wants to know why you're not interested in her any more, deny anything has happened and tell her she's imagining it. It's that's not a possible response, just be extremely vague and change the subject. Give her no target to aim for.

I do feel for you by the way - their behaviour sucks.

eddielizzard Sun 04-May-14 18:33:40

for your own sanity you should write them both off. smile and wave, smile and wave. but don't meet up. they are not friends. you are just a passing convenience.

veryrandomboringnamechange Sun 04-May-14 18:36:36

When they are both in that "mode" it's as if they have both decided that they should avoid me at all costs. I saw friend A on Friday when we were picking up our younger children from school, and she was like a rabbit caught in the headlights and clearly did not want to speak to me.

I should add too that when they are both being like this they invite other mums from the school out with them, and seem to have plenty of time for other people, it is like they are trying to make me into the persona non grata.

expatinscotland Sun 04-May-14 18:39:23

Two cunts. Delete them from your life entirely. Delete them on FB. They text or ring, you don't answer.

Hassled Sun 04-May-14 18:39:59

This would drive me CRAZY. You're going to have to rise above it and smile, wave and ignore but bloody hell, it must be hard. What a pair of bitches.

veryrandomboringnamechange Sun 04-May-14 18:41:10

To be fair, I think it is friend B who is the problem. She is very much someone who focusses on someone's flaws and goes on and on and on about it to friends, to try to get people to fall out with someone. But then she is very two faced to their face too.

I think you are all right, that I need to delete them from my life and move on. Reading everything back to myself, they really are not nice women.

Cocolepew Sun 04-May-14 18:43:25

Friend A is just as much at fault. Don't mininise her atrocious behaviour.

OnlyLovers Sun 04-May-14 18:43:30

They're a pair of twats. Find some decent friends.

expatinscotland Sun 04-May-14 18:44:43

They are each as bad as the other. Block them for FB and ignore them entirely. Either of them try to speak to you again, be civil and be unavailable.

neiljames77 Sun 04-May-14 18:45:43

Yes. A pair of rude, ignorant users.

Pagwatch Sun 04-May-14 18:46:06

They are as bad as each other.
Friend A isn't any better - she is just less obvious.

Dirtybadger Sun 04-May-14 18:50:26

Roadkill under the sheets.
You're well rid.

dollius Sun 04-May-14 18:50:50

You've been Wendied by friend B.

Ditch the pair of them.

EverythingCounts Sun 04-May-14 18:55:32

The very best you could say of A is that she is weak and easily led. But even so, she can't possibly be a friend to behave like this to you. Agree with the others. Look straight through them if your paths cross at school, as if they're invisible. Start making an effort to build closer friendships with others instead. They may well then try to draw you back in so they can put you in your place yet again. Don't let them this time.

They're bith twats, equally at fault for making you feel like shit.

Don't make A out to be less culpable.

Drop both and move on, they're poisonous.

CominThroughTheWry Sun 04-May-14 19:21:07

Dump pair of them.

Both shitty friends. You deserve better. Look serene and hold your head up high at the school gates.

RedRoom Sun 04-May-14 19:25:03

Horrible people. I can't imagine seeing a friend in the street and then walking ahead without acknowledging them. It's deliberate and it's rude. Ditch them both and find nicer friends!

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