I can't be arsed to name change.
Long story short, been with my partner for almost 2 years. We don't live together but are saving up. I've had lots of health issues this year (MH related, a cervical erosion cauterization & biopsy that lead to the diagnoses of precancerous cells which will be treated in a few weeks and an unexplained bowel issue that is being investigated and I've already had a laparoscopy for). To DP's credit although it's not been easy at times he's been very supportive.
This time last year there was a hockey festival (it's on the same time every year and lasts from fri to sunday and involves a few games of hockey and getting very very pissed every night...so fun 
). He let me down last year by getting so drunk he can't remember coming home (I was waiting for him at his) and was very upset he'd lost it. I'm of the opinion that it's disrespectful to get that drunk in a relationship as you're putting yourself at risk. I wouldn't do it to him etc. He agreed and we moved on.
Well it's festival time again and all was well until I got a call at 4:30 asking if he could come to mine as his 'mates' ditched him. He didn't sound pissed though. But no, he stinks and is dead to the world, stinking the house out...
His phone went off and I guessed it was his friends making sure he was ok (he told me he just walked off ) so I went to reply, pressed the wrong button bloody touch screen and up popped a download picture of a naked woman (suicide girls photo, sort of soft porn).
And he's one of those 'Oh I'd never watch porn, I don't fancy skinny girls I'm a size 14 since DS and we have sex loads so I don't need to do anything in between'
It's not a massive issue as I then looked at his history (not very mature I know) and found nothing similar in the last month but I now feel like shit and like waking him up and telling him to fuck off.
I also have a stinking cold so probably being OTT.
I've just got so much on my plate health wise, and DS wise and life wise 
I also left it so when he opens his phone it'll be on that picture...I should probably close it but I'm too angry to care atm tbh
It's just early and I just want to cry but can't because DS is awake.
I felt shit enough before all this.
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I know it's partly because I'm ill & everything is worse when you're ill but...I am raging.
TheOrchardKeeper · 03/05/2014 06:25
He's 27 so has surely had enough practice to know when he's 'too pissed'. I know when I am ffs and I'm 23
(I was actually looking forward to a nice early night with the whole bed to myself but was updated with what a shit night he was having every few hours and then that.
I'd deal with it better if I wasn't knackered, sure
I was just ranting into the aether more than anything else).
Bit confused as in your first post you said he did ask?
I think a day time chat about expectations shen going out/ getting drunk is needed- ie, you don't want to see him if he does it until he is sober and a separate conversation about porn,
I had to have a similar one with dh- really out of character was surprised, but really upset! Ended up ok in end.
Maybe wait until you aren't ill if that helps 
I pressed the wrong bloody button. I'd have gladly not seen it, innocence is bliss and all that. His friends had been ringing on/off for half an hour trying to see if he was ok. I texted them back on his phone but the top bar (it's a galaxy) is next to the bit that shows up messages etc.
I haven't 'snooped' in the whole 2 years. Never felt the need to actually
As I said, I'm not bothered about him going out. I'm bothered about him getting so pissed he's almost incoherant (he lives by a canal, so it's very dumb) and just rocking up in that state when I have a small DS.
Luckily it's finally a sunny day! I'll dose up on Lemsip and take DS to the park in a bit. Everythign is better when you're outdoors, even if you are a snotty mess 
Just a bit dissapointed that he couldn't just use his brain a bit and leave me out of it. I knew he'd get 'messy' this weekend. They all do. But I don't fancy picking up the pieces.
That cpiture was just the random cherry on the cake IYSWIM rather than a massive issue.
Just felt like a double slap at the time.
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Thank you. I know lots of people aren't fussed about porn but I am. Had a nasty experience a few years back (basically rape, just not the stranger in the alley kind, more the current partner kind) and he was obssessed with porn, as was DS's father, who also thought less of women than most. I think it's no coincidence that people who watch a lot of it seem to also have warped views of sex/women/relationships. DP isn't like that but it's still made me lose some respect for him.
It was in his downloads so it was him.
He has sacrificed a bit more over time for me and DS as my life is very different and DS will always come first, as I've always told him.
The plan was that he would stay at his, so it didn't effect me/DS. But here we are
I feel better now the sun's come up. More 'oh just grow up' than gutted/tearful now though...
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