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I am an awful person

(54 Posts)
JokersGiggle Fri 02-May-14 09:21:38

I'm going through my 5th MC. Had scan yesterday that dp couldn't make as work couldn't spare him ( Story of our relationship! I advise people to never get involved with someone in the emergency services)
So found out that i'm loosing twins and that i'm further along by 2 Weeks than I thought.
Went down to his work (often do to drop off cake or something) he was out on a call and I ended up crying on a poor new guy who had never seen Mr before. Bless him he was sweet - carried me into the crew room, kicked the other guys out, gave me tissues, tea and a biscuit and told me to take my time and he'd be just outside the door if I needed him.
I went home afteran hour but realised it might get back to dp so called and told him in a voicemail rather than wait for him to get home.
He texted later to say he needed time to get his head around things, he'd go for a walk after work, be home late, I should go to bed, we'd chat in the morning. So I spent the day alone, scared and in pain.
I heard him come in smelling of beer at 3am. Let him sleep til 8 then thought I'd make coffee to get him up with. But there is loads of zombie nation stuff on the table. Googled it and it seems he spent last night running around London being chased by people dressed as zombies with a group of people from work. Needless to say I was upset, so asked him about it and he said "just because you can't hold a pregnancy doesn't mean I can't have fun once in a while"
And I snapped.
And I slapped him sad not hard but still a slap. that's the first time i've done anything like that. Never even sworn at him before sad I feel devastated at my own behaviour.
I grabbed the dog (cos carry a 5st dog while your MCing and only weigh 7st 7 yourself is a really smart thing to do.) And i'm now sitting with my horse and dog in a stable in my pjs.
I know I shouldn't have snapped but what he did was mean and what he said broke my heart.
He's called me and left a message saying he doesn't think that at all, it just slipped out, he's sorry, can I forgive him, and made a joke about the 1ft height difference and being amazed I could even reach to slap him.
can't believe I slapped him.
What do I do? Other people will be here soon and will think I've lost the plot if they see me like this sad

RiverTam Fri 02-May-14 15:20:25

oh, poo. I'm so sorry. For what it's worth the treatment that was successful with DD hasn't been since unfortunately (2 more like you), but I just can't go through anymore so we have accepted (kind of!) that she is our one-and-only 100% pppfb!

Fingers crossed for your latest test results.

(thanks paris)

squizita Fri 02-May-14 15:39:28

I second what rivertam said. thanks 22 weeks after several losses, all down to that team.

I would agree with PP about counselling too. My DH also reacted weirdly to my losses (e.g. angrily and insistently refusing to believe I had a partial molar when I had been diagnosed at one point), like he wanted me to be mistaken - there wasn't a problem, I just had very 3 month long cycles.
Although he never did anything like OPs DH, there were some things we needed to work through.

Don't give up hope. thanks

squizita Fri 02-May-14 15:39:53

...currently 22 weeks, as in ongoing and still pregnant, btw. smile

JokersGiggle Fri 02-May-14 17:20:11

Congrat squiz

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