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Anyone not speak to family?

(43 Posts)
Celestria Tue 22-Apr-14 13:14:13

Has anyone cut off their entire immediate family?

Yes. Are you thinking of doing the same and if so why?

NoImSpartacus Tue 22-Apr-14 15:24:15

No my entire family, but my parents, yes. I haven't spoken to either since last June and before then only sporadically for the last 10 years or so. They are a poor excuse for parents and even though I would love nothing more to have a relationship with them, they aren't interested. It's sad, but it actually doesn't affect my life that much at all. They also don't talk to my sister, or her children (8 and 14!), unbelievable really, I just cannot work out how two people can be so heartless, but there you go, it is what it is and you can't change people. Good luck.

NoImSpartacus Tue 22-Apr-14 15:24:45

Not my entire family

captainmummy Tue 22-Apr-14 15:41:14

Don't speak to my father, (22 years) or my sister(about 5 years). Would talk to brother if he could be bothered to get in contact with anyone.

Mum very sad about it, keeps saying 'but it's your sister/dad' to which i say, 'well, tell her/him that.' THey don't act like a sister or father. And therefore I won't treat them as such.

Their loss.

darlingred Tue 22-Apr-14 15:46:21

I don't speak to my Mum (13 years) or her Mum (my gran 7years). That also includes my Mum's two brothers and the rest of her immediate family(aunts and cousins). I don't speak to them because all I hear is "but that's your mum". My response "And!"

laura2323 Tue 22-Apr-14 15:50:27

I don't speak to immediate family, mainly because they took my mothers side when I left home at 16. Years of mental and emotional abuse and I was "attention seeking". I moved about 200 miles away from "home".
I speak to cousins and my paternal family as they saw what she was like. I would speak to u bio father if I knew where he was. Still speak to my step dad even though he and my mother split up when I was 15 (I'm now 24).

captainmummy Wed 23-Apr-14 09:13:04

why do you ask, OP?

Granville72 Wed 23-Apr-14 09:24:12

Not my entire family, but my mother, father and sister.

We are not a close family in any sense of the word and I do not miss them one bit.

Celestria Wed 23-Apr-14 13:42:51

I am considering cutting off my family.

OurMiracle1106 Wed 23-Apr-14 13:55:03

The only blood family I have living is my sister. And yes I have cut her off entirely. I didn't even speak to her at our mums funeral. And that was the last time I saw her. She doesn't have my mobile number and is blocked from my facebook. I have very good reasons for doing so however

NotInYourNature Wed 23-Apr-14 14:48:54

Pretty much my entire family.
I cut off from my brother 8 years ago then my mother 5/6 years ago
The rest followed suit in cutting me off shortly after due to horrendous lies about me which broke my heart but i deal with it.

There are only 3 members of my family that i cry over not having contact with and its my aunt and grandparents the rest it doesn't affect my life at all. my life was hard and pretty cruddy with them in it and badness seemed to follow where they were and now i'm truly happy and am glad i made the decision to cut them off.

MillyMollyMandy78 Wed 23-Apr-14 18:55:25

Just my parents

borisgudanov Wed 23-Apr-14 18:57:35

My father was a nasty cruel abusive bastard and my mother let him do WTF he pleased. Nowadays they've mellowed and are now merely a couple of colossal prats. I have as little to do with them as possible.

Smilesandpiles Wed 23-Apr-14 19:02:41

Yes, all of them.

I had enough of the back stabbing, the lies, the drama, the guilt trips, being used and a whole host of other reasons.

It's me and the kids. That's it.

captainmummy Wed 23-Apr-14 19:03:36

miracle - I dread my mum dying.(she's 85!) That'll mean I have to talk to my bitch sister about the estate, and that could go on for months, if not years.

TheArmadillo Wed 23-Apr-14 19:28:27

Yep.

Parents, sibling, aunts, uncles and cousins.

The only biological relations i have any contact with are my children.

It is the best thing for me and my children (and dh). It is the safest thing.

Parents are abusive, sibling has turned out just like them. The wider family would tell me "but they're your parents" and also abuse runs in families. Some of them were as bad if not worse than my parents. They can mostly be split into bullies and victims. Or I didn't really know them so there was no relationship to have.

I don't regret it at all. Doesn't mean that I don't think it's all a sad situation, but you get what you're given and you can't change other people. This is what I have to do to survive the family I was given.

financialwizard Wed 23-Apr-14 19:30:10

Uncle & his family and I sporadically talk to my immediate family now. My mother is a narc and my father enables her.

cloggal Wed 23-Apr-14 19:32:44

Very wise Armadillo. My DH has. Have you read the Stately homes threads, OP? Some helpful advice there.

OurMiracle1106 Wed 23-Apr-14 20:00:13

captain my sister's partner was left to deal with all the funeral in mums will so neither of us needed to speak. She refused to tell me when it was, lied and said it had already been, and didn't tell me for four days my mum had died despite messaging me three days after telling me mum didn't have long left.

I won't ever forgive her as I was going through a lot within my own life at the time as well

NotInYourNature Wed 23-Apr-14 21:36:04

I think when you cut your family off you become sad at times because you would like a mum to go to like other people but not in fact the mother you have or confide in a fictional sibling.
That's how i feel sometimes esp at times like now (expecting dc2)
But never in a million years would it be my mother that i would want.
a fictional mother and siblings iyswim

Celestria Wed 23-Apr-14 22:00:36

Thanks for the replies. I don't want to go into details but I am certain it's the right choice. I'm in counselling at the moment and working very hard at creating a happier life. It's good to hear im not alone. It would be so easy to go back to trying to please them and be accepted by them, but I don't want that sort of life anymore.

Preciousbane Wed 23-Apr-14 22:13:18

My sister cut all of us out for about 8 years, she is in touch with myself and one other sister now. She did it to protect herself from our Mother and I never judged her for it.

Fontella Thu 24-Apr-14 00:39:28

I've got five siblings, mother and stepfather still living (although apart now as mum has alzheimer's and he ran for the hills when it got bad) and loads of nieces and nephews, cousins and so on about the place. We are a big family and I don't have anything to do with the majority of them.

I'm close to one sister who is my mum's full-time carer, mum herself (although she doesn't know who I am) and there's one niece who turns up periodically - usually when she's had yet another row with her pig of a boyfriend and wants someone to sympathise, although she's barking up the wrong tree with me as I have no sympathy whatsoever. They are both as bad as each other and should have packed it in years ago, but for reasons that are beyond my comprehension she stays with him. So when she sees I'm not going to sit consoling and pitying her she soon disappears, and I don't see her for months until the next big bust up.

As far as the rest of them are concerned I don't see any of them from one year to the next and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. There's been no falling out as such, but I just can't be arsed with it all. You get all the gossip and problems and moaning and groaning, and one talks about the other, gossiping behind each other's backs, and then going off and gossiping about me and my kids to each other, telling them all my business, and everyone's got an opinion about everything and it does my head in.

Then after one particularly stressful family event, it occurred to me that while I might be related by blood, in all other ways I have absolutely nothing in common with these people. Even they weren't relatives, none of them would be friends, or the kind of people I would seek out or want to spend time with.

That might sound a bit harsh but when I realised that and started to withdraw and keep myself to myself, not going to family events etc, not meeting up for Christmas etc. and just not having any contact at all really ... my life changed for the better and is now so much more peaceful, less stressful and just on a more even keel. I'm a single parent, I've got my own (older teens) kids to think about - they still demand a lot of time and attention and with that and working to pay all the bills and keep a roof over our heads I just don't have time for all the family strife.

They all think I'm a stuck up cow .. but I honestly couldn't care less.

Families aren't the be all and end all. They can be a pain in the arse to be frank, and sometimes we are better off without.

MistressDeeCee Thu 24-Apr-14 00:47:35

Me. At the moment I dont speak to any of my parents. Also my sister. I do speak to my brothers though, we are close.

My parents and sister are awful people. I dont blame my sister so much, but I do blame my parents for constantly playing us all off against each other for years, and then each of them blaming the other for their silly games. Lately theyve gone too far and I just decided Im 50 years old - no more of this. I cant even type the things theyve done, its too stressful.

I dont believe in the blood is thicker than water saying at all. OP if you do cut off your family there are times you will feel really bad about it - I still do. But you will be better off, and happier, in the long run. Just remember you have an absolute right to your own happiness. People suit themselves, dont they? So, you suit you.

I have my lovely OH & DDs, also my DBs are a godsend..thru thick & thin, we are there for each other. Thats enough for me right now.

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