Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How to defriend H on Facebook without causing a scene

(53 Posts)
PPaka Tue 22-Apr-14 08:00:27

H is such a prick
He's posting things on Facebook, designed to annoy me
I would just block/defriend him, but what I really want to do is tell my friends to delete him, without making a song and dance about it

Any suggestions?

sooperdooper Tue 22-Apr-14 08:24:15

If you block him he doesn't get any kind of notification, nobody does, but neither of you will be able to see or search for each other on fb, just do it

lottiegarbanzo Tue 22-Apr-14 08:33:29

Your friends can think for themselves. They won't notice his nonsense the way you do but if they do, can choose to delete.

RuthlessBaggage Tue 22-Apr-14 08:44:11

Um...

Screenshot everything, but don't respond. It might help during the divorce.

mammadiggingdeep Tue 22-Apr-14 09:04:00

Deactivate yourself. It's surprisingly refreshing...you gain at least an hour a day <she says on MN instead of doing a million other things>

PollyIndia Tue 22-Apr-14 09:38:18

Just block him - minimum fuss. He won't appear in your search or news feed and you won't appear on his. No-one will know. Easy.

Olddear Tue 22-Apr-14 09:55:44

I came off Facebook. Best thing ever! Who cares who 'likes' your posts? Why have a status at all? People get tied up in knots over posts on fb, comments, photos etc. I was on it one day, and after reading a whole lot of drivel, I thought 'olddear, you're not 12, why are you on here?' I deactivated my account right there!

my own personal opinion

CurtWild Tue 22-Apr-14 10:03:36

I deactivated after I separated from stbxh. The feeling of liberation was fab. To not be tied in knots by what someone is posting or isn't posting and worrying if people I don't really know don't pop a 'like' on my stuff. I don't need that kind of insecurity in my life.
Of course stbxh doesn't believe I deactivated, he still thinks I just blocked him, because it's all about him. And because he lives on fb.
Each to their own. If you enjoy fb, OP, just block him and carry on as normal.

BeCool Tue 22-Apr-14 10:12:48

I don't have any Relationship 'status' on FB . It's not compulsory.
So you don't have to change to "Separated" - just remove that status completely.

And then block him and ignore.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 22-Apr-14 10:21:28

Block him, hide your relationship status.

PPaka Tue 22-Apr-14 11:03:16

I don't actually post anything at all on FB, but I like to keep up to date with everyone else

I'll just block him
Does anyone know if he tags me in a post if my friends will see it, if I block him

CurtWild Tue 22-Apr-14 11:36:38

You can opt out of being tagged in posts but if he's blocked he won't be able to see anything anyway (as far as I know!)

CurtWild Tue 22-Apr-14 11:37:24

If he's blocked he won't be able to tag you, that I do know.

ThePriory Tue 22-Apr-14 12:23:01

Can't you just ignore what you see on facebook or don't go on it so often?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Tue 22-Apr-14 14:33:10

I blocked my STBXH (and he kicked off about it as he was using it to keep tabs on what I was doing apparently). It's taken me ages to convince mutual friends that are still on his friends list to stop contacting me with all the vile comments he posts on there, as I simply don't want to know. So now it's all better.

andyfromotley Tue 22-Apr-14 14:58:28

the real problem here is not about you and your x but about your desire to control whether or not your friends remain friends with him. Thats a bit weird and controlling.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Tue 22-Apr-14 15:00:05

Yeah, see, I don't expect my friends to choose one or the other. I DO however expect them not to tell me every blasted stupid thing he posts - because that, after all, is the reason I blocked him. hmm

Quinteszilla Tue 22-Apr-14 15:03:10

Funny how you have more concern for his mum than he has. Disassociate yourself from him by putting "separated". Then block him.

sooperdooper Tue 22-Apr-14 15:03:56

If you block him ( not just unfriend) then he can't even find you if he searches on fb, and definitely can't tag you or message you

PPaka Tue 22-Apr-14 20:47:32

Andyfromotley- me controlling, that's really funny
I'm trying to separate from the most controlling and abusive man. If only you knew
I don't really care that my friends are still his friends, I just find him cringeworthy and embarrassing on FB. They can probably see that too.

Eekaman Tue 22-Apr-14 22:32:56

Actually, you should leave things as they are.

* You don't need to worry about his antics, so rise above him and just ignore them. Don't let it get you down.

* Should any of your 'friends' respond to or appreciate his stuff, well you've learnt the cheap, quick and simple way that they are not your friends after all.

Hissy Tue 22-Apr-14 22:41:14

Eekaman I think that's good advice, but ppaka can't get herself there yet.

Ppaka you can block him, you can remove relationship status and no-one will bat an eyelid.

Removing the relationship status doesn't set of FB klaxons smile block him and bollocks to him.

If your friends are too stupid to do the same, then more fool them.

Are you getting support with the fallout from his abusive behaviour?

RollerCola Tue 22-Apr-14 22:50:45

I had the same issue after I separated from my exh.

Firstly I just removed my relationship status completely. It used to say 'married to MrRollercola' on mine and 'married to Rollercola' on his. When I removed my status it just changed his to 'married' and mine said nothing. I can't remember if it showed in my newsfeed but if it did I deleted it so as not to draw attention from others. Took exh a while to twig I'd done it as he stayed married for a while longer!

I kept him as a friend for a while but as soon as he started posting anything I didn't like (and he did, offensive stuff) I de-friended him. He started texting me asking me why so I told him.

I thought that was the end of it but I later discovered he'd actually blocked me. It's quite refreshing actually, knowing his stupid posts aren't going to pop up on my feed. I now can't see him at all and he can't see me.

I sometimes think he's commented on mutual friends' posts as they reply and the conversations are all one sided! But I don't see him at all. I've also blocked his OW so she can't go noseying at me and he can't see me through her page.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Tue 22-Apr-14 23:09:50

Yes, I blocked my STBXH. He was doing the "like" thing at every post I did, and if he didn't see me on for awhile, he'd text me and say "i haven't seen you on fb today, what's up?" and I just reached a point where I felt I was being spied on. So I blocked him. He was quite angry about it, sending nasty texts when he realised, but too bad.

BlissfullyIgnorant Tue 22-Apr-14 23:20:32

Just change your status. He should tell his mother you've dumped him anyway, or send her an actual handwritten letter briefly telling her and say sorry if you must. If he's being snarky, Facebook is going to be the least of your worries.

andyfromotley Wed 23-Apr-14 12:29:42

No sorry Ppaka i don't really buy that. You say in your original post 'but what i really want to do is tell my friends to delete him'

Why? Were they his friends too? Do you need to bolster your self esteem by having them 'choose' you? You have been told the very simple solution to what you say is your problem, unfriend him. But you seem mightily concerned about what your friends do.

i'm really not having a go, just pointing out that the issue may not be quite what you think it is.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now