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Anyone else offended by partner wanking?!

(33 Posts)
SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:03:23

I'm pregnant- 12 weeks and ever since I found out I have gone off sex!! My partner has admitted to pleasuring himself when I'm not around. I know it's silly but I feel really hurt- not about the wanking but about him watching gorgeous skinny porn women that are not fat and pregnant with perfect bodies shagging!! I asked what he used to get him off and he won't say!.. Said I'm embarrassing him. It's put me off doing it even more.

CuntyBunny Mon 21-Apr-14 22:04:27

Maybe he's cracking one off without porn?

usualsuspectt Mon 21-Apr-14 22:05:41

Does he use porn, then?

Tiredstilltired Mon 21-Apr-14 22:09:42

That would hurt me too. Wanking is one thing, but tossing to young naked girls would make me feel crap.
No wonder so many women have such low self esteem.

FarToGo Mon 21-Apr-14 22:11:36

So because you've gone off sex he has to too?
Any evidence of him using porn?
Why does it bother you? (Pregnancy hormones aside of course)

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:12:02

Yea I expect it is to porn knowing him.. We had a healthy sex life but I just can't stand the thought of it to be honest.. Don't know what to do
I can see this causing real issues

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:12:54

Fartogo- I've gone off it completely it makes me cringe just thinking about it

Boudica1990 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:15:11

My DP uses pictures of me blush so I'm not offended.

I know how you feel I'm 24 weeks I had no sex drive till about 2/3 weeks ago. I found talking it out with him helped me, he understood more why I really didn't feel up to any fun time, and we discussed boundaries of what "materials" he used and to my shock he just said "I use pictures of you" not gonna lie felt quite taken back.

Samu2 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:15:55

For me wanking would not be an issue. The porn would and we both know it is a deal breaker.

I am sorry you are going through this, you will get a lot of posts saying you are being unreasonable etc but to not want porn in your marriage is totally acceptable, however that is something I made clear from the start to make sure we were both on the same page.

Have you told him how it is making you feel? what was his reaction?

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:17:44

I was curious and said what where you looking at or thinking about and he got all defensive and asked me to stop embarrassing him.. I feel really upset I could cry sad it's made me never want it again how will I compare to porn stars!! I know what it would be I've found lesbian porn on our iPad history before

FarToGo Mon 21-Apr-14 22:18:42

It might come back, it might not....
Personally I was on heat up until 24/25 weeks. Gave up completely by 32 weeks.... Then it took 3 maybe 4 months AFTER to have sex again!
Try and remain intimate though, and let the poor guy knock one out now and then.

Boudica1990 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:21:49

Aww SJC don't be upset,

Talk more, honestly. Does he know how you feel about porn, does he know it upsets you?

And please don't think your DP is going to expect you to be a porn star in the bed, most men know it's a fantasy not a reality.

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:23:15

Not bothered about him wanking he's entitled to- I just feels bit betrayed he's looking at other women and fantasising about them I feel like a minger latley!

Bowlersarm Mon 21-Apr-14 22:23:21

You cringe when you think about having sex with him, yet you are embarrassing him by asking him what he's thinking about when he's wanking, and it's to who's getting upset?? He can't win, can he?

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:24:29

It's not sex with him it's just sex in general I can't bear the thought of it! We where 3,4 times a week before!!

Boudica1990 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:29:13

SJC the whole feeling unattractive thing when pregnant is quite common, we've suddenly lost all control over our own bodies, I cried for about 2hours once because I couldn't get my jeans on at about 13weeks. DP just stood there like this shock poor man didnt know what to do. Pregnancy can be a tough mental battle for them too, they can sometimes feel like they can't do anything right, they can't take away your pregnancy aches and pains and they feel like they've always said the wrong thing sometimes.

I think you need to talk to him.and not question him, and take it from there maybe.

Boudica1990 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:32:01

Or of I don't think you could talk to him maybe write him a letter when your calm, explaining your worries and how you feel about porn, and that you feel you won't live up to a fantasy. Trust him he's your DP, he will appreaciated it more than you know if your just honest. Xx

zippey Mon 21-Apr-14 22:32:08

I think I would advise him to stop being so honest with you. Ignorance is bliss and some things are best kept private or white lies told. Eg Of course he doesn't wank, or if he does, he doesn't think or look at other women.

That way he continues to be sexually active without cheating, and you don't have your confidence torn apart.

Otherwise its a lose lose situation for both of you.

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:55:37

I just went and got in the bath and hysterically cried he came running in and I blubbed all of this out along with me saying I think he's going to sleep with someone else (all the cheat stories on here got to me) he was really reassuring. I still feel utterly disgusting though

Boudica1990 Mon 21-Apr-14 23:05:21

SJC I'm glad you got it all out, and DP sounds supportive and understanding. He knows where he stands now and how you feel which is more important.

Dont feel disgusting, your growing a little person in there and the hormones and emotions are a bit of a rollercoaster. Take time, you will feel like you again it won't last forever. Xx

Fairylea Mon 21-Apr-14 23:09:14

It's fine to not feel sexy during pregnancy. It affects people in different ways. It's sad that you feel so "disgusting" though. To me that's quite worrying - do you generally have low self esteem or is this strongly related to pregnancy? Your body may be changing but pregnancy in itself is the most feminine thing any woman can go through if that makes sense. You're beautiful. I'm sure your partner would agree.

Regardless of whether you feel sexual or not try to be kinder to yourself.

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 23:17:21

I suffered with anxiety and depression and have been on
Medication and have had hours of CBT therapy to make me better-
Pregnancy has suddenly brought all this horrible negative feeling back sad

Fairylea Mon 21-Apr-14 23:18:53

There are anti depressants you can take during pregnancy. Go and see your gp. I suffered with awful ante natal depression and the medication did really help. When ds was born I felt amazingly better. I think all the hormones messed me up.

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 23:21:55

I came off meds 3 months ago and was discharged from therapy!! Feels like all my hard work has gone to waste!! I really can't take meds again they made me feel numb sad do you think it's pregnancy related then?

SJC2014 Mon 21-Apr-14 23:22:48

Thanks for your advice ladies ��

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