Am I being selfish?

[Halfawife]

I'm not happy in my relationship (married 5 years, 2DDs 2 & 4). I just don't see myself growing old with my husband and so much of what he does annoys me. I don't find him attractive both physically (he has gained a lot of weight) or as a person because sometimes I find him unkind, lazy and selfish. I think I'm going through a mid-life crisis.

We have a great life "on paper", 2 good jobs, nice house, great children but I don't call him my soul mate and I enjoy my time more without him.
My friends don't particularly like him so we have been slightly alienated from them. I think he is a good friend but I'm not romantically attracted to him.

I am in counselling to sort my feelings and we have chatted about my unhappiness but he is heartbroken that the life we have built together may be at risk. He loves our girls dearly and claims to love me and doesn't want our "perfect" life torn apart and thinks I am being short sighted, overly picky (he says other husbands are worse than him!) and selfish to think of tearing up the family. A divorce would be messy because he would be so angry with me.

But I think, "is this it?" For the rest of my life? Really?

I know it would be hard to be separated/divorced but I think I would be happier on my own with my girls (although I would hope not forever!) but I worry that my DP would go into such a depression because of me shattering our life plans.

On one hand I'm feeling very selfish but on the other I think this is the one time to finally put me first.

Has anyone has the same thoughts or experiences?

[Benchmark]

I personally don't think you are being selfish, everyone has a right to be happy. Can't offer more advice but thought id bump for you!

[antimatter]

what was good about him at first? what attracted you to marry your husband?

has that changed since you've had kids?

[SolidGoldBrass]

If he's unkind, lazy and selfish then you are justified in ending the marriage. Why spend your life with someone who can't treat you with kindness and consideration? He may feel that your life as a family is 'perfect' and this may mean that it is for him ie he gets his meals cooked, his washing done, his children raised and his sexual needs met. But what's in this situation for you?