Online dating and trust

[Canihaveaslice]

Hi,

I'm new to online dating and have been chatting to someone who seems lovely. All was going well until today when I had a thought that in theory I know nothing about this person, other than what they've told me. He's given me no reason to doubt anything he's told me, in fact he's given me a lot of specific details, so why am I worrying that he could be making it up? Am I over thinking it.

[VelmaD]

Google him. Look him up on fb. (dont add him, just look him up) and look through a few people who look like relatives / good mates. You'll soon get an idea if he's lying - and if he's an honest guy he won't mind you telling him you're doing it!

[Canihaveaslice]

I dont know his surname and feel odd asking for it

[Dirtybadger]

Have you met yet?

Meet in a public place and let friends/family know where you are and when to roughly expect you back.

I'm sure what more he could do to make you trust him? How much have you been speaking? To be fair I wouldn't give many very specific details. I would prefer to meet someone and accept that they might feel that way also. You can weed people out a lot better in person.

[Dirtybadger]

I should have said I wasn't sure what more he could do. Don't get too invested in him. Keep chatting to other guys. That way if he does turn out to be a bit of a bullshitter you won't be so disappointed.

[cozietoesie]

If you feel odd about only asking for his surname, I would question whether things really were 'going well'. I think you may be over thinking it just a bit but I wouldn't be happy about - for example - meeting someone whose full name I didn't know.

Also, look at it from another angle. He may not know how to introduce the topic of his full name if you're already talking about everything under the sun. Sometimes it's almost as if the moment has passed and it would be embarrassing to bring up something so basic.

Just ask him. (Does he know your full name, by the way?)

[PoundingTheStreets]

You're not overthinking. In fact you're displaying a healthy dose of skepticism. Any of us could pretend to be something we are not from the comfort of anonymity, which is what OD offers even when pictures are involved.

Part of getting to know each other and to establish if you have enough in common and enough chemistry to try a relationship together is to start probing beyond the surface to get to the real substance underneath. That involves such things as finding out full names, meeting friends and family to see if the image your date has presented you with marries up with the way in which his/her friends and family behave, etc. You can also tell a lot on dates from the way in which your date speaks to and about others or what's happened in his/her day.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. That's the whole point of dating. Feeling you can't might mean you're either not ready for it or might indicate that your date is making you feel uncomfortable about asking which is in itself a red flag.

Good luck. Hope it works out well with your date.