Please help me stay away from him.

[BatgirlForever]

In a nutshell, been sleeping with the same man for 18 months now. Was supposed to be no strings attached but I developed feelings. He didn't. He told me he never wants to be with anyone ever! Too selfish etc.
I thought, fine, I can handle this! But no. This man has zero respect for me! I turn into a different person when I'm around him. Speak when spoken to type. This is not me!
The only time he will speak to me or be nice is in the bedroom.

Enough! I'm so done. I'm better than this.
But why why WHY does it hurt! Why do I want him to turn around and say, actually, I do love you!
Huff. I will stay strong!!

[BatgirlForever]

Oh.. Did I mention I work with him!

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Oh heck sometimes it's just hard saying goodbye even when you know it's the right thing. You have to go NC straight away. And that means NO contact. Not checking FB (block him!), no late night texts, no answering texts. Nothing.

It's really hard (I know!) but it's the only way. Like ripping a plaster off fast. It hurts at first but it's better than the slow agaonising pain of a slow release.

Good luck. You can do this!

[NigellasDealer]

oh batgirl be strong and just do it. You are being treated like a prostitute.

[BatgirlForever]

So if he texts I completely ignore? Not even a "fuck off"? :-)

I will do this! He's made me someone I don't like.
Someone that will accept him being horrible to me and still let him back into my bed. I am so much better and stronger than this!!

I need to get mad!

[BatgirlForever]

Yes! I am!! Thank you.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Yep. No response. Nothing at all. In fact if you have an iPhone, block his number.

My wanker ex once told me that "The best answer is no answer" and he was right. Firstly because if you answer then he has what he wants - attention. Secondly it gives him the opportunity to draw you back in. And thirdly, as a nice bonus, nothing you can think of to say will drive him half as insane as your silence.

NO CONTACT AT ALL

[BatgirlForever]

I think that is genuinely the best advice I have ever been given!

I can also blocked! And that's what I've just done!
I'm feeling liberated!!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

There's a few things you have to do simultaneously. One is to completely ignore communications. Other things would include

• changing your routine so that you don't end up in the same places. Or in your case, changing job.
• filling your days and weeks with constructive, absorbing, sociable activities. It's the quiet, lonely times when you'll be most tempted to get in touch.
• working on your self-esteem and confidence. It's low or you wouldn't tolerate this crap. Set yourself new challenges and goals and reward yourself when you hit them. When you say 'I'm better than this' you actually have to believe it.

[BatgirlForever]

I can't change my job, that's not an option. I think because we've never ever crossed over into work that helps though. As in, there is never any flirting or conversations about us. It's all very professional so I'm used to that atmosphere.

I have started counselling to work on my self esteem and attachment issues. I am feeling very positive about it. Because I do want to believe it when I say I deserve better.

[Jan45]

Because we all want to believe every guy we meet is just so nice and perfect or at least respectful but, as in your case, you've come across a right bastard. You've got the right idea, just don't waver or you will be back at square one, good luck, of course you deserve better.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You may not be able to change job but any contact, however professionally handled, will keep him top of mind and that's precisely where you don't want him to be. You have to be able to consign him to the past and put physical as well as emotional distance between you. I don't know what your work is but is there any adjustment that could be made so that you don't cross paths any more?

[BatgirlForever]

I think I found it hard to believe that he wasn't that interested in me, so I sort of made it my mission to make him change his mind! Silly silly silly!

With regards to work, I have just got myself a really good job, leaving now is not an option. We're a small team in a small office, he's unavoidable. But there's something satisfying about him looking at me all wounded when I "act" like I don't give a shit! :-)

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

So when you say 'please help me stay away from him' & you're going to be in close proximity on a daily basis how exactly is that going to work?

[Jan45]

OP the only thing that is wounded is his ego.

[RenfieldsOtherHalf]

Understand completely how you feel. No Contact is the right way to go though. Had a month of NC with my ex assclown so far, despite many, many messages from him, and each day feels like a little "fuck you" at him. Be strong! x

[BatgirlForever]

Ok, so emotionally stay away from him. I'm aware that's a bit contradictory. Unfortunately I'm the queen of making life difficult for myself!

Thank you all. Every time I feel the urge I'll send a text to myself! Or rant on here :-)

[Poffedoff]

I'm trying to stay nc with an ex and know how difficult it is..I found it easier when he was nc too but he has decided to get back in touch again and it's incredibly hard not to respond.
Renfields, what kind if messages is your ex sending as a matter of interest?
Batgirl sometimes we need them to do something really shitty before we can stop romanticising things...it sounds like your guy has passed that point, hard as is it is you need to stick to your guns and not respond to him...

[heyday]

When you back right off.... Which what you are now going to do..... He may well be a bit miffed and try suddenly being nice to you as he may see you as a challenge. He has always treated you like crap but you continued to sleep with him so he won't understand why things have suddenly changed. He was honest from the start and said he didn't want commitment and although you thought you could handle this, you can't. You are feeling rejected, that's to be expected. He has damaged your self esteem but ....... he is now history, you will do your counselling, you will have no more communication with him other than work related and you know what? In a very short while you are gonna feel a whole lot better about yourself and your life. You can do it.

[gering]

You have esteem issues. Why would you let someone use you.... Unless you enjoy it!!

[BatgirlForever]

Thank you all for your replies. Trust me when I say they are keeping me strong!
He's been blocked from my phone so even if he does try and contact me, I won't receive them.
I am feeling positive about this and everytime I feel a bit down I just remember all the shit he put me through.

Obviously letting him treat me that way for so long is a reflection on what I think I deserve, which is why I've taken the steps to change the way I think about myself and the way I see relationships.

Onwards and upwards as they say. This is a new beginning for me and I'll never ever let anyone use me or treat me that way again! At least I have some mistakes and signs to learn from!

[Jan45]

Well done!

[hellsbellsmelons]

Keep strong!
I hope you blocked facebook and email as well.