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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is it normal to find your partner really irritating?

40 replies

Thislife · 15/04/2014 19:08

I have been seeing someone for nearly a year. I don't really know what has happened or why but I have gradually got to the stage where he is getting on my nerves to the extent that I am relieved when we have a night off from each other and I can slob around the house in peace.

If he calls, I find myself rolling my eyes thinking, what does he want now? He asks so many questions, probably just showing interest, but I find it overbearing. Then he says something which makes it sound like he is checking up on me or telling me the right way of doing something and I am so irritated I am sure it must show in my voice. Why can't he just leave me in peace?

He doesn't live anywhere near me but sometimes knocks the door without warning at completely random times. He was offended when I said I didn't like it.

Does this show that we are not right for each other or is it normal or is it me?

By the way I came out of a long relationship 2 years ago and think maybe I do just need time and space to myself.

OP posts:

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Ruralninja · 15/04/2014 19:11

seems to me you answered your own question! If you were dizzy in love, I think you wouldn't find him so intrusive! What do you get out of the relationship?

EllaFitzgerald · 15/04/2014 20:51

How often do you see each other? Do you think you've just overdosed on him?

dreamingbohemian · 15/04/2014 20:59

No, it's not normal in a happy/healthy relationship

Sounds like things have run their course. Doesn't have to be anyone's fault, and you don't need any big reason to break up if you'd rather be alone.

Actually "I'd rather be alone right now" is a plenty good reason to break up.

Why prolong it? Once you get to this point IME it doesn't go back to anything better

Stinkypinky73 · 15/04/2014 21:09

You sound like you feel suffocated, in which case I would say he isn't right for you. I had a relationship once where it was just too much...the texts, phone calls, visits when all I wanted was to be left alone!!!! He was suffocating me and it got to the stage I resented his presence and began to really dislike him. He was actually a nice person...but we were just TOO different and wanted different things from a relationship. I have to say I breathed a deep sigh of relief when I broke it off. I had to change my contact details to get him to stop contacting me.

kalidanger · 15/04/2014 21:12

So much interest is lovely if you love it, and suffocating and annoying if you don't. All normal.

So, your relationship has come to a natural end instead of being detonated by infidelity or abuse. This is fantastic news :)

Anniegetyourgun · 15/04/2014 21:17

I must say you sound a lot more "normal" than the ones who occasionally post stuff like "he's at work and he hasn't texted me for three hours! And it's our one month anniversary! He must be losing interest in me, or do you think he's having an affair?"

BateKush · 15/04/2014 21:24

No, definitely not normal after a year when you don't even live together to find him so irritating. I find my ex-husband that irritating too.

LizzieMint · 15/04/2014 21:27

No, not normal I would say. I mean, normal in a long term relationship to occasionally find them very irritating! But not in your circumstances - relieved to have a night off? Sounds like the relationship has most definitely run its course. And there's nothing wrong with that.

LineRunner · 15/04/2014 21:36

I found my OH of nearly a year irritating today and came home from his house early. But that was because of his crap jokes on top of a pretty shit day.

What you are describing OP sounds bloody overwhelming. The unannounced visits alone would freak me out.

soontobeslendergirl · 15/04/2014 21:41

I thought you were going to say you'd been married or living together for year and years.

If this is the way you feel 1 year into a relationship, then it is probably time to call it a day.

I have to say my OH irritates me a lot from time to time but I am sure I do the same to him. We've been together 20 years though.......and I sometimes feel like calling it a day too, but I do love him - i just love him better when he isn't there! :o

Mrswellyboot · 15/04/2014 21:43

You're in the wrong relationship. A the one year stage you might find some little things quirky or mildly irritating but you'd still look forward to them calling

Thislife · 15/04/2014 21:46

Thanks everyone for your replies. I was thinking today, maybe I should give it a bit longer, he's a good guy, etc. But I feel better to hear you can see the relationship has simply run its course. All I have to do now is tell him!

OP posts:

Jan45 · 16/04/2014 10:31

Yes tell him, you should probably have told him sooner, when you are rolling your eyes and relieved when you don't have to see the person, that clearly tells you it's not for you, do it now.

Thislife · 16/04/2014 11:17

Plucking up the courage to tell him.

OP posts:

LineRunner · 16/04/2014 11:22

Good luck. Are you phoning him?

Thislife · 16/04/2014 11:25

He has just texted from work. Feel bad to do it by text but supposed to be seeing him this evening.

OP posts:

BateKush · 16/04/2014 11:27

No, don't do it by text! Tell him when you see him.
Maybe mention in a text that you'd like to talk this evening so he is prepared.

dreamingbohemian · 16/04/2014 11:28

Yes, I think I agree with Bate. Dating a year is long enough to do it in person.

Unless you think he might kick off or be really unpleasant, in which case by phone is okay.

VelmaD · 16/04/2014 11:30

God no, dont do it by text. But yes, indicate "we need to talk" for tonight so he's a little forewarned. And make sure he has no plans to stay at yours.

ChandlerBingsThirdNipple · 16/04/2014 11:46

Don't break up with him via text, but do warn him that you want to talk before dumping this on him out of the blue.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/04/2014 12:03

Oh god no, not text. That's really not fair!

He probably knows that it's coming tbh

MargotLovedTom · 16/04/2014 12:09

I think everyone knows what "We need to talk" means .
Do you have any stuff at each other's houses?

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PoundingTheStreets · 16/04/2014 13:28

No it's not normal and it's your subconscious mind's way of telling you that this relationship is practically bedecked in red flags and you should end it now.

lavenderhoney · 16/04/2014 21:18

It's always best to do the talk in a public place. And get a taxi home. Make the driver wait til you are indoors.

Don't do it in your house! Apart from anything, it brings bad vibes into your home.

Thislife · 16/04/2014 21:27

Oh. Well I've got bad vibes in my home then.

He has done a good job of trying to persuade me to give things another go and I feel bad.

OP posts:

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