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He punched me in the face.

(539 Posts)
NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 03:35:40

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sat 12-Apr-14 04:16:15

Thank you for phoning them xx You are doing the right thing.

headinhands Sat 12-Apr-14 04:17:49

Everything you're thinking is a normal response op. Don't feel ashamed, you haven't done anything wrong. You're in shock. Women's Aid are a good idea. Having a person to talk to on the phone right now who knows the very best thing to do is a good idea.

angelohsodelight Sat 12-Apr-14 04:18:35

Take a photo of your face in case if helps as evidence further down the road.

Is he even sorry/aware of what he's done?

TheBuggerlugs Sat 12-Apr-14 04:21:43

OP this is a really awful situation to be in and I've been in a slightly similar one years ago.

First of all, thinking about long term plans related to access/ child care etc Can wait. Right now the priority is you.

If he's asleep, and he's probably passed out go make yourself a cup of tea. Then decide what you want to do for the next few hours until it's morning. You don't have to make decisions now, just do as you feel you should to get to the morning.

Tomorrow please take a photo of your face and if you feel up to it, call the police. I'm not defending your husband but assault may not be disclosed to his employer, it depends what he does for a living.

Can you go stay with any family or friends to give yourself some head and thinking space?

In terms of long term plans seeing a solicitor or the CAB would be a good place to start just to find out your rights and what's involved. Also if you have a women's centre near you they are wonderful for offering support.

No one will make you do anything you don't want to but there is a whole heap of support out there to help you process and deal with this when you are ready.

thanks

NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 04:23:35

I haven't phoned. I'm sorry, you are all giving great advice which I would give someone else. I am worried about waking him, baby DC cried out in sleep and I froze hoping it wouldn't disturb him. I can't believe he would hurt DCs but I didn't think he would do this to me.

Lots of the info on the WA site is about leaving and where to go and refuges. Am I being really naive to think I can get him to leave? What if he refuses?

TheBuggerlugs Sat 12-Apr-14 04:24:02

Also if you do go stay with friends etc please take all valuable paperwork (ID, bank details, wage slips) with you as you may need them. Please also get some money out or transfer some to a sole account in your name.

As I say there is no rush right now unless you feel in danger.

CrewElla Sat 12-Apr-14 04:27:10

OP that is why most of the advice is to call the police, they will make him leave.

I am so sorry he has done this to you and I hope you get the support and help you need.

TheBuggerlugs Sat 12-Apr-14 04:27:26

Re him leaving, you are not being naive at all and there is lots of support to help you remain and get him out through injunctions, occupation orders etc. Some solicitors offer free 30 mins appts so seeing one on Monday might be an idea. You can call the Police in the morning and they will arrest him and can bail him to stay away. If they do that he will need to have access to a bag with clothes, ID etc in. I would take the dcs out tomorrow and call them. They will handle it sensitively and call you when he's gone. Stress that you do not want him at the house. Bail conditions don't last forever but they will buy you time to get an injunction or whatever you need.

NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 04:27:34

Thank you Buggerlugs that helps. I am getting calmer. DC crying out didn't even make him stir so yes I think he's passed out. I'm not sure what to do in the morning - thinking to get DCs dressed and go to my friend's place. But that would mean all this is real, someone in RL knows and there is no going back or hiding it. I know that's good but it terrifies me.

headinhands Sat 12-Apr-14 04:28:56

The police will remove him. They will ask you if you want him to come back to yours I believe.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sat 12-Apr-14 04:30:47

He did this, he made sure there was no going back. I think you should go to your friends as soon as you can.
((hugs))

NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 04:30:48

We couldn't stay with my friend, she has a one bed flat. It would just be to decide what is next.

His job is one where he would be in breach of contract if he didn't tell his employers about any charge or conviction.

NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 04:31:52

I know, you're all right. He made this situation. I am getting very angry with him now.

TheBuggerlugs Sat 12-Apr-14 04:32:24

Everything always feels a million times worse at 4am when you're tired. Going to a friend's is a brilliant idea. Tell the DC Its an adventure and let your friend ply you with chicken soup until you're head is calmer.

No one expects you to make long term life changing decisions all at once, get through the next few hours and worry about tomorrow, when it comes.

If you are scared of waking him, I really think you should phone the police. You are not going to be able to think straight or protect yourself or DCs if you are shattered and in shock.
This may not affect his job but if it does then you can cross that bridge later. Tbh, if his drinking gets out of control he could lose the job anyway.
Phoning the police will give you and DCs more protection.
You really don't want them having overnight stays with him in the future if this is what he is capable of.
You are in shock and possibly even concussed. In the same position, i would probably be thinking the same way as you but you have to put you and DCs first, not him. He is to blame. He has done this. Let the professionals help you.
Don't worry what other people think - tell them the truth. It will then be harder for you to go back to him, once this is out in the open. Any decent people will be appalled at HIS behaviour, not yours.
Take care and good luck.

NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 04:38:04

Thank you Buggerlugs you are right. I am worried about telling my friend, I have hidden the extent of H's problem for so long. Though I would expect she will have guessed at least some of it. And because once I tell someone, there's no going back. The cut is still bleeding, I wonder if it will need stitches.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sat 12-Apr-14 04:39:23

Good advice. Go to your friends, he can be removed by the time you come back. You and DC can stay in a hotel till Monday if you decide to contact a solicitor and get a restraining order.

And he has the option to be honest with his employers about his actions, he doesn't have to lie.

januarycat Sat 12-Apr-14 04:44:06

I think you should get to gp or hospital. Have you some oce for injury, bag of frozen peas? Are you in pain?

TheBuggerlugs Sat 12-Apr-14 04:44:21

Friends have a nasty habit of knowing more than we let on and I suspect that once you start telling her, you will feel an enormous sense of relief.

As for the cut, bathe it and have it looked at tomorrow. Priorities for the morning are bags packed for you and the DC just in case, eat something (very important) and go to friends. Hopefully you can do all that before he wakes up. Once at friends explain everything and call police together. They won't blue light to the house or anything as you won't be in danger but they'll deal with it quite swiftly. You will have to give a statement but they can come see you to take that and they will give you lots of support and advice about what to do next.

Its easy to say but try to get some sleep if you feel able to.

januarycat Sat 12-Apr-14 04:45:16

Please text your friend to tell her what is happening.

NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 04:48:23

OK that's my plan. I will see if I can get a couple of hours sleep until DCs wake up, then go to my friend's place and start a new reality. Thank you for all the advice. Please support me over the next few days when I need my hand held or my back bone stiffened?

It just occurred to me that however difficult it gets, I won't be living in fear of the next time. That has to be better.

TheBuggerlugs Sat 12-Apr-14 04:49:33

Of course we will OP. Please let us know how you get on thanks

NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 04:51:30

Cut bathed and I think has stopped bleeding. Deepish though and Iam going to have black eyes I think. The selfie will be a sight but may help my resolve. January I did think of texting my friend but it's so early. Though I would want her to in my place.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sat 12-Apr-14 04:54:28

Well done need. Text her. Take care of yourself and your DC thanks

NeedAdvice2014 Sat 12-Apr-14 04:56:51

Oh God I've done it, I've texted my friend. It's real now, I can't pretend I fell over or something.

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