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I think it's over

(30 Posts)
GoldieBear Sat 05-Apr-14 05:29:03

Dp has left, he turned up angry again. Angry at me because I didn't answer my phone, must have not had signal upstairs and so it never rang. This is the third time he's done this. Got very drunk and said very hurtful things. We don't live together but have spoke lots about it. He has a ds (who he's left with his mum) my DCs are upstairs in bed.
He was banging on the door at 4:20am accusing me of cheating.
I haven't and would never cheat on him.
I'm scared this will get worse if i don't finish it now. He's never hit me and I don't think he would but I know this isn't right.
When he hasn't gone out on a drinking bender he's so different. Idolises me, brilliant with the children, we talk lots of having a baby together.
I don't know what to do. He's said many times he doesn't trust me and I thought I could show him eventually that he could.
We've been together a year. All our friends and family like each other.
When he's sobered up before he's apologised, said it wouldn't happen again. I think it's different this time though. I love him so much and just hope he changes.

But do people change?

sarahquilt Sat 05-Apr-14 10:06:57

People don't change. Listen to what your gut is telling you. You'd want your head read to have a baby with him.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sat 05-Apr-14 10:11:39

Protect your children. He turned up at their house drunk and ranting in the middle if the night. He could have woken them up and they would have been scared, upset, confused, traumatised. That is enough! Protect your children from him.
And to answer your question - abusive alcoholics rarely change. He might be able to kick the alcohol with a LOT of work (from him, not you) but he won't stop being abusive, and you CANNOT help him change. Forget that idea, not happening. You can't sacrifice your kids at the alter of his selfishness and addiction.

GoldieBear Sat 05-Apr-14 13:11:07

Just spoke to my DB, not sure if I feel better or not.
Not heard anything for P
Why is it so hard?
Logically I know it's not a relationship.

How do I ever move on and stop finding myself with arseholes?

I know if I wrote down everything you'd all be in shouty capitals at me.

Thank you everyone

Please pick the welfare of your children before a 'relationship' with this man. End it now. Do not damage their future, they are innocent. They have no choice about the situation but YOU DO.

Sorry if that's harsh. I have been a child in a domestic violence house, he wasn't even my dad! Step dad.

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