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WWYD open condom wrapper

(124 Posts)
EverySoddingNameIsTaken Fri 04-Apr-14 12:33:24

Name changed for this.

Bought DP a new wallet for Xmas. His old
One has been on the fireplace since then. I was looking in it today for a receipt for a printer we bought which is now faulty. Inbetween hundreds of receipts I come across an open condom wrapper, no condom to be found. hmm
DP has been unfaithful before. When we were younger. I forgave him and recently, I believe(d) he had grown up and realised the value of his family.

I obviously want to confront him but DP is very good at excuses, turning around or considering this wallet hasn't been used for four months I'm
Wondering if he'll just opt for 'haven't used that wallet in ages, I sincerely have no idea, god knows, but I swear to you I haven't done anything."

I can see this playing out. I can see me being made to be overreacting. Our relationship isn't great at the moment, I am pregnant and very tired our sex life has somewhat suffered due to this, he has made passing comments on lack
Of affection etc recently and I am very touchy if I am honest.

I am concerned for what answer I will get, I want the truth but would I get that? And If he opts out of telling the truth then what do I do? End my family? Go it all alone with no facts !?

FFS why did the fucking printer break

Dirtybadger Sun 06-Apr-14 01:55:58

The no comment interview was suspicious. It's noncommittal. Even more suspicious if he miraculously thinks of a reason now. Convenient. Did he look like he was really trying to figure it out (if it was a genuine weird one you'd be racking your brains)- or did he seem satisfied with his "nah nothing to do with me" stuff?

Tbh I might be fobbed off with that in the right circumstances but I'm not sure these are those. I felt very uncomfortable when I read the end bit about telling you he loved you and hugging. But obviously you know if that felt sincere or a "stfu silly"/"guilty" thing.

silverlight Sun 06-Apr-14 00:14:43

OP, it's perfectly possible that your do used a condom to wank into; I used to because it felt good. Ignore all posters claiming that men don't do this; they do. I suggest the most likely reason for the wrapper being in his wallet is simply that it got caught up in receipts collected from his car, it almost passes belief that he would have just forgotten about it after having been with another woman.

Missesbumble Sat 05-Apr-14 12:47:17

Same response as LEtranger' s home here too :-(

LEtranger Sat 05-Apr-14 12:39:37

I ran this past DH for a male perspective, told him about the empty condom wrapper in the wallet, his response "doesn't look good". Then told him this guy had cheated before, his response "ah, well it's a no-brainer then". Just one man's opinion, but he thinks a cheating explanation is inevitable in the circumstances.

SocialNeedier Sat 05-Apr-14 11:13:01

OP did you have a thread about the condoms you found in his car? That sounds vaguely familiar. I remember reading it at the time and thinking it was a load of bolleaux.

Missesbumble Sat 05-Apr-14 11:00:04

I thought the same as Wisey about the car. Believe me there is no logic or reasoning to an affair or sordid liaison. He could have easily ripped open the packet, removed the condom leaving the packet in his wallet and forgetting to dispose of it later. There are so many reasons the empty condom wrapper could be in there.

Given your history though I would also be very suspicious it doesn't sound good. :-(

akaWisey Sat 05-Apr-14 08:06:19

Difficult one OP. My first thought wasn't that he stuffed the wrapper in his wallet because he couldn't dispose of it in your house. It was because he'd had sex in the car sad.

I don't know what to advise, I'm sorry. It's your life, your marriage and your decision as to what you do next.

OP, you're the one who is dealing with this. You're the one who has to make the decisions. The advice on this thread is just that - advice. Don't feel you have to do what you're 'expected' to do, or that the support will dry up if you do the 'wrong thing'.

BreakingDad77 Sat 05-Apr-14 07:37:19

Maybe time for a full sweep of phones, emails (email folders) text, internet history?

To me affection doesn't necessarily mean sex, dw has been in pain post childbirth, I'll just knock one out, but the hugs etc are still there.

SnotandBothered Fri 04-Apr-14 23:35:58

@ whyami

I hope you are right. I really do. OP seems to think that these are the kinds of friends her DP has, so maybe you are right.

I still don't see that it would be a very 'rewarding' prank though. Even assuming that kind of humour/mentality. Not much pay off really. And if it was the likeliest explanation, wouldn't the OP's partners have JUMPED on this as an excuse/explanation.

Surely, "That'll be fucking XXX. Wait till I see him tomorrow!" would have been far more convincing than "I have no explanation"

whyamiwastingtimeonhere Fri 04-Apr-14 23:02:58

@snotandbothered

they would not want to jeopardise a friends marriage,

Your faith in human nature is touching. Point is - when they're out with the lads, 'relationships' are the last thing that anybody is thinking about. Darker point - I don't think the OP is married - maybe his friends don't approve of her?

for the sake of playing a prank that they don't even get to witness?

Obviously witnessing the payoff is best, but if it doesn't happen and the mark goes home with it unexploded, then there still might be a good story at work the next day.

All I'm saying, OP, is keep an open mind, trust no one (especially not his friends) and keep both of your two eyes on him....

Anyway - I only blundered in here by accident 'cos the title reminded me of the jape. Goodnight all.

whyamiwastingtimeonhere Fri 04-Apr-14 22:37:18

@mamma - that can't be that common?

Happened to me once - right under my nose! Classic Derren Brown misdirection type stuff.

Fortunately my missus saw them from across the room as she was on the way back from the ladies.

Course she played along as somebody asked me if I could sub them twenty quid for the next round and the inevitable happened when I opened my wallet.

But she couldn't keep it up for more than 10 seconds and cracked up laughing with everybody else before I'd really grasped what was going on, so they didn't manage to get me into the spluttering phase.

I'm not necessarily saying that's what's happened here, but it's a standard prank and you shouldn't underestimate the level of cruelty that men will inflict on each other in the name of humour.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 04-Apr-14 22:19:56

No, not weak. Don't put yourself down.

Get some sleep and spend some time tomorrow thinking about your next move.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken Fri 04-Apr-14 22:16:45

Thanks all.
What whyami says is true amongst his friends, we are young. Half of his friends have children but would you believe not one of them sees/pays/bothers with them. They are very juvenile. Dp rarely goes out with them though but does work with them.

I am going to sleep on it, but yes it isn't enough for me yet I don't think sad for many reasons, mostly because I am just weak I suppose

CaptainAmericaMmmYesPlease Fri 04-Apr-14 22:11:14

I found a condom in my stbxh's overnight bag for work. Confronted him. He said he hadn't a clue how it got there (we didn't use them at all so it wasn't an odd one of ours) and I obviously didn't trust him if I was questioning him over it. I can't imagine any woman or man for that matter who wouldn't.
I'd just given birth and I was all over the place, but whether right or wrong, I let it drop. It alone wasn't enough to end my marriage over.
Sleep on it every, it looks bad, but you and baby don't need the stress of this tonight. Take care x

SnotandBothered Fri 04-Apr-14 22:09:34

*whyami" - I don't think the twats you speak of are representative of the majority of men in circles of married/long term partner/with kids, family men.

I have known and still know, quite a lot of 'players' who like a laugh - they would not want to jeopardise a friends marriage, for the sake of playing a prank that they don't even get to witness?

Nah. Sorry.

OP - ask to see the other phone.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 04-Apr-14 22:04:22

Yeah...not buying that whyami...that can't be that common?!

Twinklestein Fri 04-Apr-14 22:02:40

Bloody hell you know some thick men whyami

whyamiwastingtimeonhere Fri 04-Apr-14 21:59:27

I haven't bothered to read all the comments (too many), so someone else might have mentioned this...

Does he drink with a load of loud and lairy mates who act a bit juvenile?

Slipping an empty condom wrapper into the wallet is a pretty standard pub jape. hiding an unwrapped condom under a car seat is another corker.

Absolutely fucking HILARIOUS when their missus finds out and goes mental!

Sure, the odd relationship might get trashed but so what? Having a drink and a good laugh with your mates is far more important than getting tied down by some bird. In fact, if he's getting too serious about a girl then maybe she needs shaking up a bit.

By the way - these aren't my opinions - I'm just paraphrasing the prevailing attitude of some young men.

My advice would be to hold your fire, keep your powder dry and keep watching. If he's playing away there will be something else - there always is.

A couple of other points -

- The unlocked phone is a good sign in my opinion. Every 'player' I know keeps their phone locked and their pin secret. Sure you can try an extra phone, but you really need it to be on you all the time to be useful, then that looks suspicious. It's much less hassle to just have one, keep it locked and disguise contacts as business/trade contacts.

- Putting the empty wrapper in the wallet? who T.F. does that? If you must clear up the crime scene (surely that's the woman's job?) then just stick it in your pocket and drop it on the street when you're 20 yards clear.

Empty wrapper in a wallet? Nah - that was intended to be found.

Again, don't shoot the messenger, I'm only saying how some lads think. It's not pretty.

Twinklestein Fri 04-Apr-14 21:59:01

Lois With real sex they don't need any sensation of a dick being inside something because it actually is. And part of the sensation that a condom blunts is wetness.

Condom, sock, banana skin, pillow whatever...

Personally I reckon a sock use is much more common, I agree with AwfulDaughter that the posh wank line is primarily an excuse for getting caught with condoms.

PlantsAndFlowers Fri 04-Apr-14 21:58:17

If you left him now it wouldn't be because of the condom. It would be because you have realised that his previous cheating has broken down you trust and you don't want to live looking over your shoulder all the time.

Twinklestein Fri 04-Apr-14 21:57:04

What snot said.

I'm sorry it's so inconclusive OP. I have to say his excuse is pretty much exactly the same as the one I gave when my mum found a Brooks clinic card in an old purse when I was 15. 'Dont know how it got there, no idea, if it was nefarious I would have a better excuse'.

SnotandBothered Fri 04-Apr-14 21:49:04

In fact. Ask to see the spare phone in the office phone now.

If he is feeling so understanding, he will COMPLETELY understand your request and won't splutter or hesitate.

SnotandBothered Fri 04-Apr-14 21:46:58

Oh OP. I feel really sorry that you are in this situation.

Because the ONLY acceptable response would have been an immediate, instant, innocent and articulate explanation - however unlikely - that your gut told you was the truth.

Saying 'I can't remember' under these circumstances is akin to a guilty person being interviewed by the police about a crime that they clearly do remember and, in the absence of having any defence, resorting to "I don't remember'.

Possible. But highly highly unlikely.

Big hugs to you. Please ask him again.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 04-Apr-14 21:46:45

Feeling scared is understandable but don't think too far ahead.

Deal with today first. You've got to try not to stress out as it won't be good for you or baby.

Why don't you have an early night, run a bath and get to bed and sleep on it.

Tomorrow is another day- maybe try to get the phone.

I totally understand- I listened to the denials and lies for a long time, I knew they were lies but I kept waiting and waiting for either more proof (even though it was indesputible) or for it to somehow magic itself all away.

flowers

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