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WWYD open condom wrapper

(124 Posts)
EverySoddingNameIsTaken Fri 04-Apr-14 12:33:24

Name changed for this.

Bought DP a new wallet for Xmas. His old
One has been on the fireplace since then. I was looking in it today for a receipt for a printer we bought which is now faulty. Inbetween hundreds of receipts I come across an open condom wrapper, no condom to be found. hmm
DP has been unfaithful before. When we were younger. I forgave him and recently, I believe(d) he had grown up and realised the value of his family.

I obviously want to confront him but DP is very good at excuses, turning around or considering this wallet hasn't been used for four months I'm
Wondering if he'll just opt for 'haven't used that wallet in ages, I sincerely have no idea, god knows, but I swear to you I haven't done anything."

I can see this playing out. I can see me being made to be overreacting. Our relationship isn't great at the moment, I am pregnant and very tired our sex life has somewhat suffered due to this, he has made passing comments on lack
Of affection etc recently and I am very touchy if I am honest.

I am concerned for what answer I will get, I want the truth but would I get that? And If he opts out of telling the truth then what do I do? End my family? Go it all alone with no facts !?

FFS why did the fucking printer break

EverySoddingNameIsTaken Fri 04-Apr-14 12:48:32

Oh and me and DP haven't used condoms in Years which Is obviously relevant !

Lovingfreedom Fri 04-Apr-14 12:50:27

You know the answer...the printer is not your problem here. Sorry.

ummmmm
I'm so sorry OP
I can see your dilemma
You sound ground down
How many children do you have and what sort of age?

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Fri 04-Apr-14 12:53:45

I honestly can't see any other reason for it being there other than he has used it, I'm so sorry.

I would say to him you know he has been cheating, and see how much he admits. But yes, this would be enough for me to throw him out whether he told the truth or not.

thanks

HecatePropylaea Fri 04-Apr-14 12:55:15

Well, given the history I am not surprised that you are suspicious. Anybody would be. But something about a wrapper in a wallet just doesn't make sense. Why would someone put an empty condom wrapper back in their wallet? That's not logical, is it? When would you do it, for a start? you wouldn't put the condom on, slip the wrapper in your wallet and have sex, would you? Afterwards when you are disposing of the condom, would you put it in the bin and the wrapper in your wallet? No, you wouldn't. You'd likely leave the wrapper where it was or put it in the bin along with the condom.

I'd be more likely to think that a) he'd been fartarsing around with a condom for some reason or b) someone put the wrapper in his wallet for whatever reason.

But it sounds like the relationship is in trouble with or without the issue of this wrapper and it needs some help. Can you talk to him at all about the relationship and what needs to change? Or suggest counselling? What would be your ideal outcome and is that likely or indeed possible?

Hecate I think the implication is that the condom was in the wallet and he took condom out and put wrapper back in

FolkGirl Fri 04-Apr-14 13:05:40

Hecate you might, if you didn't want the wrapper to be discovered, take it out of your wallet, open in and then slip the wrapper back in before using it.

Do you really think it's more realistic that a grown man had been playing with a condom and put the wrapper in his wallet, or that someone else had put an empty condom wrapper in his wallet than he had opened his wallet, taken it out, open it, removed contents and then returned empty wrapper?

Sorry, OP, but I would make one assumption from this.

It would also be enough for me to kick him out. As I have said before on here, I kicked my husband out for less than this but found there to be a whole lot more afterwards.

Hobby2014 Fri 04-Apr-14 13:08:28

I understand what Hecate is saying. Surely it would be with the rest of the contents, in a bin or whatever etc not separate.
Id now be thinking if he was unfaithful, where was he when he was being unfaithful? ie was he at home and trying to be discreet thinking you may notice it in the bin but would have better chance hiding it in his wallet. Maybe flushing the condom down the toilet after but couldn't do that with the wrapper?
If it happened elsewhere there would be no need for it to end up in his wallet, it would go in OWs bin, hotel bin etc.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken Fri 04-Apr-14 13:08:34

Thanks for replies.
We have one four year old and one on the way.

Hectate - once before he had a box of condoms in the car with several unopened. I got in his car with him and obviously commented. He picks up several people for work all single promiscuous men and when i mentioned it he laughed and said that one of them had been blowing them up in the car for some immature fun and he had said at the time that I would be suspicious If I had seen them. He said why would he leave them there as obviously we use the car so I believed that.

So what you say about perhaps fartarsing around could be true but yes still can't see why for any reason at all it would be slipped back into the wallet. I guess I can only ask, but if for some reason there is some bizarre yet plausible
Reason then I worry that then I am adding problems to the relationship by voicing that I am suspicious.

I don't feel our relationship is in that much of a state that we require counselling everything was pretty fab before I fell pregnant and we were getting on brilliantly. We love each other and are usually very affectionate and make time for oneanother it's just with being pregnant I can't make it past 7pm, I feel fat and emotional and sex is just not top of my list at the moment and the lack of being able to go out and enjoy ourselves together as we were before has put a bit of an atmosphere between our relationship.

YellowTulips Fri 04-Apr-14 13:08:44

If it were my DH I'd ask him about it. I can't think of a rational explanation that would explain this than infidelity tbh.

Why keep a condom in your wallet anyway if you are in a relationship - never mind the empty wrapper.

My DH has never done anything to make me think he would be unfaithful but even my alarm bells would be ringing at this - an yours has a history.

I'm sure someone might mention using a condom to wank in but personally I just don't buy it. Sorry.

HecatePropylaea Fri 04-Apr-14 13:09:48

That's what doesn't make sense to me. Would someone do that? Get out a condom and put the wrapper back in their wallet? I'm just trying to picture it. You are there, in a situation where you are about to have sex, illicit sex at that. You grab a condom, tear it open and... slip the wrapper back in your wallet ? Wouldn't it be more likely to be tossed to one side than placed back into a wallet before putting the condom on? More likely to be chucked in a bin than put back in a wallet after having had sex? Particularly if the person was going home to a wife? Would someone cheat and put some evidence of that back in their wallet? That's what doesn't make sense. It's not logical behaviour either in the 'heat of the moment' or in terms of covering up being a lying cheating sack of shit.

That's not to say it's not possible. Just that I would not assume it to be the only possibility.

But, like I said, it sounds like the relationship is up shit creek with or without that. clearly the relationship needs to be really looked at because there's a great deal of unhappiness there.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken Fri 04-Apr-14 13:10:25

Sorry lots of Xposts yes I do wonder that if he has been unfaithful it must have been somewhere where he was not able to discard of the wrapper easily I.e home sad

Depends what kind of person you are I suppose. I would open it at the wallet and then put the wrapper back where it was...I think

TheKnightsThatSayNee Fri 04-Apr-14 13:13:52

I know how these threads always pan out. You'll do some snooping now and find him on dating sites or emailing girls from work.
Do you want to know op? You sound pretty keen to believe him.

Dirtybadger Fri 04-Apr-14 13:14:11

I would put it back in my purse if I got it out and didn't have a bin to put it in. Yes.

Also, he has no reason to even have condoms.
The fact he put the wrapper in his wallet suggests it came from his wallet. Not a box of condoms. So I'd suggest you call him out when he tries "I was just having a posh wank". He's been carrying them in his wallet.

HecatePropylaea Fri 04-Apr-14 13:14:41

xpost - I agree with you. There is no reason to put an empty wrapper back into a wallet. It makes no sense at all to do that. At what point would you do that? With condom in hand? With condom on penis? With used condom about to go in bin?

None of us can know. And one thing I do know is that most people lie their arses off so if you confront him it is highly unlikely that he would admit it if he'd done it. But nor can you live like this. So you have to decide what you feel is right for you. There really isn't an easy, pain free option. Whatever choice you make is going to be really really hard for you. You have to think about yourself. What do you want? how can you best make that happen for you. You have the right to be happy.

as I took condom out of packet

Ivehearditallnow Fri 04-Apr-14 13:16:38

Don't blame the printer - sounds like it's done you a favour if he has been 'at it again'.

Also - the end of your relationship doesn't mean the end of your family, it really doesn't.

But first, get answers about the wrapper. Struggling to see how it could be anything other than what you imagine it could be to be honest. Don't think a 'posh wank' wrapper would end up in his wallet. Sorry OP, hope you're OK x

Cabrinha Fri 04-Apr-14 13:16:54

This is how the fuckers get away with it.
They stonewall, lie, deny, sometimes accuse...
And we find excuses for them.
His mate put it there for a joke.
He's an upstanding citizen and he saw one in the street and grabbed it to tidy up.
It's from 10 years ago.
He just doesn't know how it got there.
He uses them for wanking.

Here's a good reason for it to go into a wallet: if he fucked someone who is married, in her house. Condom down the loo, but you're not going to put the wrapper in her waste basket for her husband to find.

OP, I'm sorry, but you are very very unlikely to get the truth from him.

Even if he hadn't cheated (this time) - have you forgiven him for last time? No reason why you should. Do you even want to stay with him? Because if actually, you don't want him - then whatever his useless sack of shit lying explanation is, it doesn't really matter.

Finola1step Fri 04-Apr-14 13:18:29

The placing of the wrapper is odd. But I do have a possible explanation. It was placed back deliberately in the hope that you would indeed find it. Either by someone who is taking the piss and thinks this kind of thing is oh so funny (his juvenile mates). Or its the person who he was with when he used the condom and she wants you to find it.

Will be almost impossible to find out for sure. Time to do some digging. Keep the wrapper.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken Fri 04-Apr-14 13:19:03

Thanks again.

I've just been thinking. I have definitely looked In that wallet before, since it's been living on the fireplace - I've looked In it when helping him to find his office keycard. If never come across it before. Also, he has looked in it since it's been there for things he showed me the $2 bill he had kept from holiday still In his wallet, surely I would have noticed it, surely he would have and thought shit forgot about that and discarded of it then. Has it been put there more recently? God I sound loony. I can only ask can't I no one else can answer my questions

FolkGirl Fri 04-Apr-14 13:19:31

stealth that's how I would do it too. Especially if i shouldn't be doing it.

Open wallet, remove/partially remove packet, rip top off with wallet still in hand, remove condom, slip packet back in wallet, cast wallet aside.

Finola1step Fri 04-Apr-14 13:20:06

Oh and time to check the new wallet to see what's hiding in there.

HecatePropylaea Fri 04-Apr-14 13:22:31

If you don't confront him about it, it's going to eat you up so yes, I do think you have to. Whether you choose to do it at once, or whether you choose to try to look for other things that might suggest he has been unfaithful to you again. But when you choose to confront him, I would suggest that it is face to face, where you can see his reaction. Can you normally tell when he is lying? Does he have a particular way of behaving?

Plan out what you are going to say. Have some sentences in reserve that you can use if you feel he is trying to side track or otherwise deflect.

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