Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why did you get married?

(81 Posts)
evangelinelily Fri 04-Apr-14 09:56:44

To the married people out there- anyone willing to share? What were your reasons for getting married as opposed to remaining as partners and cohabiting?

Do you and your husband/wife have shared goals for the future that you discussed prior to getting married? What are they?

OurMiracle1106 Fri 04-Apr-14 09:58:49

I am now divorced

I got married though because I loved him. Pure and simple and honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. People change. He did

coffetofunction Fri 04-Apr-14 10:00:49

For me it was simply because I wanted to be his wife & a life long commitment. I wasn't bothered about the wedding day just the marriage.

PickleMobile Fri 04-Apr-14 10:01:36

I loved my husband

We wanted to start a family and wanted to be married first

We had a holiday booked and decided to use that as our honeymoon as we wouldn't have been able to afford one otherwise.

We have similar goals, we both wanted a family that was the main one.

Mrswellyboot Fri 04-Apr-14 10:03:12

I didn't want to co-habit and neither did dh and wanted marriage before starting a family, so we didn't move in together until after our honeymoon

PickleMobile Fri 04-Apr-14 10:03:25

Sorry, the holiday booked was the reason we got married with 2 months notice, not why we got married in the first place! We were looking at the year after but wouldn't have enough to pay for a wedding and a honeymoon so brought the wedding forward.

Isabeller Fri 04-Apr-14 10:08:46

Because exH was involved in political protest (including breaking the official secrets act) for reasons I admired and I wanted the right to know what happened if he was arrested or anything. Kind of standing up to be counted.

I was young and it was all pretty idealistic but still sadly ended in an undignified and destructive mess when we divorced. Ho hum.

Germgirl Fri 04-Apr-14 10:11:44

Can't really explain why I wanted to get married. I was with my ex for 12 years & I never wanted to get married to him. I left him for my DH and within 3 months we knew we wanted to get married. We married when we'd been together for about 18 months.
Marriage had never seemed important to me before but for some reason it became very important to share his name and be his wife.
I know that people think we got married too soon. But I don't think we did.
When I married him I became a stepmother, that has been difficult as I never wanted kids. But I get on well with my DSD.
So I'm to answer your question, I don't really know why I got married. I just really really wanted to.

Wishyouwould Fri 04-Apr-14 10:16:44

I am nearing divorce.

Because he asked me. I loved him. I wanted the whole family thing. We have 2 beautiful DC. He was verbally abusive and behaved appallingly when he had too much to drink - I thought he'd change, more fool me, he got worse and the love was chipped away.

t3rr3gl35 Fri 04-Apr-14 10:17:08

First time around because it was a way to escape from an abusive childhood.

This time because we each felt it was right. It was nothing about weddings and legalities and everything to do with standing before the most important people in our world and openly stating our love and commitment to each other.

ithaka Fri 04-Apr-14 10:18:32

I was (am!) wildly in love, I never thought I would want to get married, but when I met my DH I did.

I committed MN cardinal sin, never discussed children or life plans beforehand, just bounced in to marriage on a dizzy wave of love. I was most surprised when we finally bought a house together & he assumed that now we were married with a house we would have children! I know, who would have thought? I said not now, year or so later I was ready, over 20 years later I couldn't imagine my life without my DH & kids.

I married for love and that is why I am still married. House, kids, financial security - they never came into it and they are not what keeps me with my DH (although they are nice to have, they would not be enough if we didn't have the love).

IloveJudgeJudy Fri 04-Apr-14 10:26:11

Because I love him and he was the only person I'd ever said that to. We get on really well, make each other laugh and couldn't imagine being without each other. We started the relationship saying that we'd take it slowly, but within a week we were seeing each other 6 times/week.

We wanted to make a public declaration of our love and have children together.

22 years and 3 DC later, still as much in love as ever. Life has not been financially easy, but we still pull together and want the same things.

TheDietStartsTomorrow Fri 04-Apr-14 10:35:21

I married because I wanted to be in a proper and recognised relationship with him. I didn't just marry for love; I also married for the emotional, social and legal security that marriage represents and to express our commitment to each other always. And because of the romantic notion of marriage that shows that you are two people who have a unique and special bond that you don't share with anyone else. But above all, I guess I married him because he was right for me and because I felt we were meant for each other.

Seventeen years down the line I'm wiser and more pragmatic. We have our ups and downs and have discussed divorce a couple of times but ultimately we both know that our lives are richer because we have each other in it and that we couldn't live without each other. Even when I've hated him, I've loved him.

There have been times in my married life when I loathed him but I've never regretted the decision to marry him. I love him despite his flaws and love the marriage that we've built together.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 04-Apr-14 10:38:41

We loved each other and wanted to start a family. Neither of us would have done that without marriage.

To me, and to DH, it was at natural as taking the next breath that we would get married. The possibility of cohabiting (horrible word) was never even on the table.

It was important to us to make a public commitment to each other too. We take our vows very seriously, and there have been times over the last 7 years where remembering those vows has been an anchor point for our relationship.

WitchWay Fri 04-Apr-14 10:56:51

It seemed the right thing to do at the time, lots of friends were getting married, he asked me, didn't occur to me I could say no! Looking back I was too young (25), the relationship was too young (4/12 when he proposed) & I wish I'd waited a few years - might not have married him at all in the end, but at least I'd've been going into it from a stronger position. Still blundering on after 23 years.

FolkGirl Fri 04-Apr-14 11:00:00

Sadly, I thought my mum would think there was something loveable about me after all and look for whatever it was she thought my husband saw in me and so might love me after all.

It didn't work. And he didn't love me either.

LindaMcCartneySausage Fri 04-Apr-14 11:04:03

He asked me. I had no desire to get married and would have happy cohabited forever, but we wanted children and he was keen. I couldn't think of a good reason not to say yes IYKWIM? I wanted to be with him.

I could have done without the hoopla of a big wedding though. Got caught up in my family's desire for a big day and DH wanting it to be "official". Love my DH, but my wedding day was not the best day of my life. Found it quite stressful being on display, and I usually love a party. Would rather have had a registry office job and a pie and pint in the pub with all my friends and family afterwards. But hey ho - 13 years together and we're still happy and rubbing along.

Lottiedoubtie Fri 04-Apr-14 11:04:13

Because I loved him, and because I wanted a marriage not just a relationship. Security and longevity were important factors. I wanted to be married before DC as well.

So far I've got all I wanted out of it and we are very happy smile

<but it's only been a few years yet wink >

Hoppinggreen Fri 04-Apr-14 11:27:07

I got bored of the constant begging and pleading!!! smile
Actually we were considering starting a family and for both of us we wanted to be married first.

Hoppinggreen Fri 04-Apr-14 11:28:20

And f course because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him!!

Seminyak Fri 04-Apr-14 11:32:53

Love DH and wanted to cement that, feel much more bonded and 'one' now we're married (didn't expect that at all as we were pretty darn tight before hand).

NOT because wanted to have kids, as everyone seems to think aaaargh! "When are you having kids, when are you having kids???" Argh it does my head in! I'd love them but no rush - only been married 2 years, I'm only 24!!!

RedFocus Fri 04-Apr-14 11:39:08

I married my exdh because he was moving abroad for work and I didn't want to be left behind.
I married dh because I am utterly in love with him. He means the world to me and I just couldn't wait to be his wife. Apart from my kids he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I would have been a fool not to.

slug Fri 04-Apr-14 12:34:19

Because the Home Office insisted.

I'm not British (though I already had residency before I met DH) and I was pregnant. We would not have been able to register DD as a British citizen if we were not married so we did the deed.

Having said that, we were aware of the visa situation before I got pregnant (the same thing had happened to my DSis) and DD was most certainly a planned pregnancy so we knew getting pregnant = getting married.

TheHamster Fri 04-Apr-14 12:44:02

Legal security, tbh. It was an excuse for a party as well, but mainly for the legal reasons.

TheHamster Fri 04-Apr-14 12:44:30

As well as loving each other loads, obviously!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now