ive name changed for obvius reasons, but i do back to the dys of wig n robe' coddy and know any fucker and attila give sound advice on here, unless its for dating then ask lou, sorry bit of an old timer, anyhow. This will be long so apologies.
Ive always known hubs of four years was abused by a maternal uncle, as was his sister, hes had regressional therapy weve had ups and downs thought no more of it, very nieve of me, and incredably conceited in someways.
We have two boys ds2 is hubs, ds1 isn't, over the last year I've noticed hubs getting increasingly distant difficult aggressive with attitude and generally pushing myself and ds1 away whilst building a bubble around himself And ds2.
We've not had a good year, three miscarriages and my 'obsession' at having aa third had pushed us to breaking point. He said some highly hurtful things to the point I was ready to kick him out, but for his insistence ds2 would also go.
I have no issues over thehim as a father he is brilliant but wraps ds2 in cotton wool. Ds1 he is good yearwith, but blames himself for ds1 coming home from exs house in a mood, and thinks he's a shit stepped, he's not at all.
Anyhow, back to my point, two weeks ago, it came to a head as I told hubs how he's been making me feel lovable etc etc etcflinching when I touch his cheek, or leg, likewise tickle him, so I honestly told him enough was enough wasi was defeated, he went upstairs and camedown devestated. What's come out since I'm finding hard to process, the abuser did it from 4-8 years old ds2 is goodthree this year, I did anticipate hubs repressing somewhat but he seems to think only he seemscan protect our son, god knows id deo anything to protect our boys. Anyhow, apparently, the way I touch hishis cheek, arm, or gently touch has been giving him flash backs, I'm mortified, he's so upset with himself for not sharing this, I'm mortifiedupset rI've made him reminded of the venerable boy he was, we've huggede talked I've listened he's cried, I've cried, , the more hes told me, I've expressed that I can't process how or why it happened andi wasn't upset with himselfhim for not telling me, I understand that, but upset for childhood he was robbed of.
Anyhow, last week, bil rang me and said he waswas woried about hubs, I confirmed he had been regressing somewhat, he wasconfirmed the abuser also did it to him, hut for the abuserlot longer, until teans, he was fed after to keep him quiet and it has resulted in well a man who tried to committee suicide and full of self loathing, I sat at the top of the stairs and listened to hubs talking to his broyuther aboutwhat had happened, knowing hubs gwould never tell me anyhow, the abit I'm most struggling with is, and this is more than not knowing what went on, as hubs can't it to remember himself, isvthe fact bil told mil when he was about 14 and she told him not tolie, who does tht, the boy had been messing himself to keep away from the man, he ran away fromfrom home and slept rough on the streets in the streetscity.
Anyhow, all of that aside, I want to support my hubs and bil, both of them are amazing people, I'm not going to give up on my family, but likewise, I need to know where to givego or how to give uphubs especially the streetsbest support and keep my own emotions in check. I need to givebe strong for him, but have no idea where to start, it was so nieve o think this ishad been delta wit.
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backtofrontupsidedown · 03/04/2014 20:17
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