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wwyd. mil slagging me off and (d) h agreeing

(68 Posts)
yorkie84 Sun 30-Mar-14 19:07:45

Background. We have 3dc. Youngest 12months. Dh never really hands on so most of house stuff down to me. I am coping just about with trying to run a very part time business. Relationship with dh has suffered as dd wasn't planned and (d) h has previously said she should have been aborted.
I am feeling fragile today anyway as my mum died just over 3 years ago. Probably not the best idea to spend it with mil but we normally get on ok.
Well I have just discoved from dd that whilst I was out of the room mil called be a waste of space and (d) h agreed.
Quite frankly I feel like telling him to go live with his mum and I hope they will be happy together.
Just wonder what other think.
Thank you

RandomMess Sun 06-Apr-14 20:00:02

Just think of the time off you'd get whilst he had contact...

yorkie84 Sun 06-Apr-14 19:03:44

He does do gardening and cook odd meal but thats about it.

yorkie84 Sun 06-Apr-14 19:00:59

I spoke to (d) hh about it and he didn't contradict me. I am sure if his mum hadn't said a anything he would have said it wasn't true.

struggling100 Sun 06-Apr-14 18:03:10

Hang on a second... you normally get on fine with MIL. And you only have your 8 year old child's word for it that this happened.

I am not accusing your child of lying, but I can remember being that age (well, just about) and suddenly discovering that adults didn't always like each other. It was quite a revelation, and I wasn't really sure what to do with it, and where the boundaries of privacy were. I repeated something my mother had said about my grandmother in private to her face. An almighty scene broke out, because it was taken out of context by a small child who didn't really understand the whole story.

I understand that you're upset, but I'd talk to DH calmly and carefully to ascertain what actually happened before you go off the deep end.

RandomMess Sun 06-Apr-14 18:01:00

I think it's symptomatic of the larger problem I think it will just drip drip drip and if you're not carefull you will become so "downtrodden" that you won't be able to end it sad.

Whilst you are still justifiably angry you can problem summon up the strength to sort it out and then tell him it's over.

yorkie84 Sun 06-Apr-14 17:59:00

Things changed recently.I do think problems have been caused by birth dd. Think he believes I did it on purpose. It takes two and I had been told I was menopausal and he had low sperm count. Possibly naive but there you go.
I really nedd the courage to end it but than things improve. Not sure I can get over this one though.

RandomMess Sun 06-Apr-14 17:37:31

No don't leave, make him leave wink

MooncupMadness Sun 06-Apr-14 17:30:22

OMG, leave, leave, leave. He sounds vile.

LondonNinja Sun 06-Apr-14 14:11:07

He sounds like a mummy's boy. She's a bitch. He enables her.

Despise people like this. Awful behaviour. And the carrying on as though everything is normal is just pathetic (on their part).

RandomMess Sun 06-Apr-14 13:25:04

He really does sound incredibly unpleasant and has been like that for a considerably long time.

Does he have any redeeming features anymore?

yorkie84 Sun 06-Apr-14 12:42:56

(D) h didn't even deny. He jjust when on to have another go at me about another misdemeanor including causing him to have a heart attact. Well palpitations caused by chest infection but there you go.

yorkie84 Sun 06-Apr-14 12:41:00

He is acting like ut didn't happen too. Lots of research going on. Wonder if they will be surprised when it all kicks off.

RandomMess Sun 06-Apr-14 10:16:47

Does it really matter whether she knows or not? Your H knows, he let your MIL be NASTY about you in front of your dc and he didn't pull her up on it, he actually supported what she said - again in front of your DC.

The problem here is your H. Your MIL would reign herself in if he pulled her up on it!!

Hissy Sat 05-Apr-14 23:40:11

Oh she's doing the 'if I carry on as normal enough yorkie will forget it'

My mother's an expert in this.

Even when you tell them to their faces that whatever it was they did isn't nice/acceptable/normal, people like this will deny, deny, deny, then get snappy/argue with you to make you stfu.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 05-Apr-14 20:33:17

Or shes just pretending not too.

yorkie84 Sat 05-Apr-14 19:56:45

Just spoken to mil. Don't think she knows I know.

RandomMess Sat 05-Apr-14 19:38:50

Perhaps what you need is a written agreement of what his responsibilities are so that you ensure failrly equal leisure time?

I would also let him know that you won't be visiting MIL and if she asks you why you will tell her!!

I'm sorry but I couldn't tolerate sharing my life with someone who doesn't see doing their fair share as how it should be.

yorkie84 Sat 05-Apr-14 18:43:29

Thank you

yorkie84 Sat 05-Apr-14 18:43:04

Thing is he kind of pulled up his socks today. Obviously knows how pissed off I am. Mil rang again. I couldn't gdtto phone ontime. Couldn't bear to ring her back.

RandomMess Sat 05-Apr-14 17:39:18

Your H really is an entitled arse, how dare he complain about how much you do when he has far more leisure time than you!!!

I hope it goes really well at CAB. At least he will be able to move back in with his mum where he can be waited on hand and foot which is clearly what he expects hmm

You deserve so much better.

Deathwatchbeetle Fri 04-Apr-14 21:09:51

Good idea Yorkie. If she coplains you aren't there you can say "well as you and your dear son said about me, I am a waste of space so I did not think I would be missed". Horrible pair.

yorkie84 Fri 04-Apr-14 17:30:43

Well booked into cab after school holidays. Mil rang today. I guess she knows I know. I didn't even pick up phone. Not ready to speak to her yet. Although real problem is (d) h
Think I also may have to work on her birthday.

pointythings Tue 01-Apr-14 09:42:56

He doesn't need help, he needs a boot out the door. Get rid.

yorkie84 Tue 01-Apr-14 06:48:06

Safe to say it is the last christmas day I spend with her. Hopefully we will have split by than.

Wuxiapian Tue 01-Apr-14 06:29:50

How dare she and how dare he!

I wouldn't be able to recover from that. Stern words are needed to your H!

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