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How did you decide you want children or don't?

(54 Posts)
KiKiKiKi Thu 27-Mar-14 12:22:32

I am 27. Until I was about 23 I was certain I didn't want children. After then I started thinking that I probably would have children if I were to marry a man who wanted them, mostly because it seemed like the 'done thing,' only with a man who would be happy to take on at least half the childcare. My mother and friends have always said I would one day feel the biological urge to have children - I haven't yet, and feel far too young to consider it. I have plans which don't involve children, but a stable and well-paid job, so could support them if necessary.

I've never been around children, am an only child with a small older family, and have always been very focussed on my career and hobbies, learning, and travelling. I don't really like babies though I am ok with my friends', and I like children from the age of about seven upwards.

I'm now dating someone who seems pretty much perfect. He has made it clear he doesn't want children. I haven't said anything either way to him but I think he will ask outright soon.

I don't think I do but I can't be certain I won't regret that decision. Did you always know, 100%, that you wanted children?

TheABC Sat 29-Mar-14 00:52:43

Quite a few of my friends are undecided or taking steps not to have kids. It's becoming quite normal as a lifestyle choice. Kids are hard work and there's no shortage of people. I planned for my DS (I knew I wanted a family since early 20s) and it still feels as though a bomb has gone off in my life. I love him to bits, but if you are only after the cute factor, or societal pressures, get a pet.

wallypops Sat 29-Mar-14 07:11:57

I only started thinking that actually I did rather want kids when I came off the pill when I was 27.

Corygal Sat 29-Mar-14 23:07:23

Having never wanted, and never regretted not having, kids, I would like to point out that it's incredibly difficult voicing that opinion to parents - because it seems so tactless.

You feel that by listing even one of the numerous joys of being childfree, you might be seen as rubbing it in. The last thing you want is them agreeing with you or catching your eye a bit too long. 'Just don't go there' is the strong and silent message the childfree learn pretty fast.

TheGrassIsSinging Sat 29-Mar-14 23:14:45

I always knew in theory that I wanted to have children, but I didnt give it any real thought until a few years into my relationship with DH, when I just suddenly, absolutely knew I needed to have children with HIM. I was 27. I hadnt imagined having children until some vague point in my thirties - was very career and social life driven, not at all a 'maternal' person etc.

No regrets, adore my children. But it is hard. Motherhood didnt turn me in to someone who enjoys softplay. I still much prefer the pub and grin

You're very young. How old is your DP? You have plenty of time to make this decision either way, but honest conversations need to be had...

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