I am finding one of my friends really hardgoing at the moment, but I suspect I am at fault, not her.
I am writing this in the hope of getting some advice about what to do next, or how to act differently.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine said she feels I prioritised a mutual friend (B) above everyone else. She said that B says "jump" and I ask "how high?". She says I drop everyone else to do what B wants and it leaves everyone else wondering why they bother.
Although it is not nice to be criticised, I am taking the time to wonder if this friend is right.
I ran into my friend this morning. She said "is everything okay between us? I feel like you're avoiding me, not answering my texts, cancelling plans"
What I thought: yes I am avoiding you. You are being needy and suffocating. I have got a lot on my plate at the moment and I don't have the energy to field your accusations. Most of what you are accusing me of is untrue. You believe I have a secret friendship with B and C that excludes you when the truth is I have never once got together with B and C for coffee or anything. I find B and C bossy, though nice women, and I feel like I'm tumbling between the 3 of you getting everything wrong. I want you all to leave me alone. I want to disappear into my house and cuddle my baby and not be having this conversation.
What I said: no of course I'm not avoiding you. Sorry I've made you feel that way. I have a lot on my plate at the moment and I've been a bit preoccupied. It's my fault. I'll see you at The Thing this evening.
Of course, I don't want to go to The Thing. I had been planning to cry off last minute. It's all unfinished with my friend and I ought to get in touch with her and be some sort of honest with her. I don't know what to do or say.
My friends are important to me and I am sorry I am being a bad friend and causing someone to feel bad. I am not sure how to fix it though when my gut feeling is screaming to just AVOID AVOID AVOID EVERYONE, don't get involved, don't go out, never ever have a conversation with anyone ever again (!).
All very playground I know, but if you could manage not to roll your eyes and give me some advice I'd appreciate it.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
As a friend I am emotionally unavailable, and I can't cope with conflict.
Shhthebabyisasleep · 26/03/2014 07:54
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