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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

am I being unreasonable?

30 replies

sweetpea35 · 17/08/2006 00:23

Hi, just need to do a little survey as to whether I am being unreasonable. Am 7 months pg with lovely 19 month old girl. Dh sends a text to say going for a quick drink after work at 6.30pm. Rings at 9pm (drunk) to say will be home at some time. I get v.angry on phone and so does he. Is this normal - am I overreacting? Only want a phone call to say won't be home for supper etc rather than a stupid text being vague

OP posts:

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ledodgyrobespierre · 17/08/2006 00:26

No i'd be pissed off.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/08/2006 00:29

Its irritating for sure.

Alibaldi · 17/08/2006 00:36

Nope would be pissed off too and was when it happened to me

Panboy · 17/08/2006 01:03

And I presume he is/was home now?? And he explained himself adequately?

sweetpea35 · 17/08/2006 11:49

no he is a typical bloke and doesn't like to talk about emotions and feelings. Have tried to train him and have done well in some areas but he doesn't seem to realise that a quick phone at a reasonable hour would solve everything. Never mind am over it now.

Anyone bought JoJomaman jeans? thinking of the bootleg ones - are they comfy?

OP posts:

Panboy · 17/08/2006 12:02

I remain speechless.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/08/2006 12:31

You've tried to train him? Sounds ominous...

CountessDracula · 17/08/2006 12:35

my dh does this about once a year

I go ballistic and then he is good for a year til he forgets how angry I get

It is BASIC good manners to let someone know if you are going to be much later than planned. And no excuses wash in this day of mobile telephony IMO.

I am quite happy if he says "I am going out and don't know if I will be really late so assume I will be" though.

When I go out i always say assume I will be back sometime around 1am

Pamina3 · 17/08/2006 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Panboy · 17/08/2006 12:48

the training bit sounds a bit more than just ominous to I. Do come across this from time to time, and it smacks of apparent arrogance and bullying - if youdon't mind me saying....and it NEVER works....and how do you 'know' you have had partial success...you have no means of varifying this..

and the jeans bit?? go and try some on.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/08/2006 17:18

Panboy, when you say you come across this from time to time....in what respect [curious emoticon]

Panboy · 17/08/2006 18:15

hi VVV

Well,yeah-but-no-but when I am slumped in a corner, dribbling out of the side of my mouth, unable to communicate beyond mono-sylables and grunts...and realising I needed training in how to recognise my inner child and so emote endlessly across the kitchen floor..and my 'tutor' CAN'T understand why I only find an emotional release button when my football team win/lose and so am happy/sad all evening, but that isn't what she wishes me to drivel on about because she has a preconceived ideal of what the relationship should be about and she isn't going to recognise that we see the world differently because that threatens her world vision and some of that is based in our differing genders and some of it in upbringing and class structures and expectations of partners so the easy invitation is to try to train me in her world marmite vision and when I don't sign up to it I am deemed to be a "typical bloke" who is an emotional desert when actually I have a very busy and healthy inner dialogue that incorporates strong emotion but doesn't chime at all with what is expected of me so I had better keep my mouth shut otherwise I will be in for a long evening of tortuous 'searching' but never 'finding', and it was actually Jenny with my mates brother.........!!

FrannyandZooey · 17/08/2006 18:22

Pan has this struck a nerve for you? Are you ok?

Panboy · 17/08/2006 18:30

only kidding....

don't hear it so much now, as probably getting older means less likely to. Early adult years coincided with the explosion in Eq.Opps in the early 80's and became versed in the feminist literature of the day - esp. Margaret Attwood, Angela Carter - fav. novel was 'Woman on the Edge of Time' - and this was all brilliant, but also seemed to 'empower' alot of women to believe they personally held a whip-hand in these issues and were, by gender, qualified to 'take the lead' and train their menfolk in how to find emotional peace....I never actually sufferd from this - my then partner was a committed feminist ( and introduced me to most of the above stuff) and recognised her own, and my, limitations.
I do still come across it socially, with younger types, last time was at Easter from my nephew's girlfriend - he is a lovely bloke, pretty feely type, and any "emotional re-alignment" going on was not for his needs....

Panboy · 17/08/2006 18:33

sorry VVV I am fine!! No chords stuck at all! - just did balk at "typical bloke" thing....all of that Little Britain thing was for entertainment..very sorry if it was uncomfortable...

Panboy · 17/08/2006 18:35

Frances!! You ARE like water damage!! you get every where!! Is there no hiding place????

imaginaryfriend · 17/08/2006 18:38

pb, you been on the vino? Jeez ... easy to see why you resist the idea of 'training' ...

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/08/2006 18:40

PMSL! You make me larf Panboy

Panboy · 17/08/2006 18:40

WTF!! IF - what are you doing here??? I only know you in another dimension........anyone else coming over???

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/08/2006 18:43

Mmmm - that post reads better when read in my head with a Vicky Pollard voice.

Panboy · 17/08/2006 18:43

hi VVV - well , I thought it was funny too...have met all of my friends from the 'Let smoking go' and the '10/10 club' - getting kinda crowded round here......

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/08/2006 18:44

The 10/10 club? Should I ask?

Tsk tsk for smoking

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Panboy · 17/08/2006 18:44

looks like a hi-jack of someone elses' thread..I'm all confused now!!

Panboy · 17/08/2006 18:46

VVV! despite protestations elsewhere, yes you are a slapper!!

10/10 isabout healthier eating and exercise...obviously a little foreign to you...

imaginaryfriend · 17/08/2006 18:47

remember I am only imaginary ... I may not really be anywhere ..... [whhoooo ooo hooooo ghosty emoticon]

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