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The ex wife

(179 Posts)
Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 15:38:13

Long time lurker first time poster.

My bf ex wife is starting to become a bit of a nightmare and its really hard for me to bite my tounge so I'm going to have a wee rant. Please don't flame me but I need to get this out. I did try netmums but there was too much huni and xx for my liking. Plus you lovely vipers will give it to me straight

1. She is demanding to meet me not to just be aware of me but to see how simple I am - wft I am an educated 30 year old woman who does not need to be judged by a random woman who seems to want to hate me from the get go. I was all for her meeting me before I meet the boys but now not so much.

2. She has told him that he is not allowed to live with my at all or ever because this is a bad environment for the children and it will confuse them. This woman through him a short time before the new bf moved in even the 5 year old knows that's what happened. No idea how it would be a bad environment we both work and are respectable people.

3. Everything we do she has to do better. We have a night out in a so called "posh" part for town and had a few bottle of champagne we had a fab night. It's no big dealing going to this part of town I have always went there but she has to boast about going to the same part of town and drinking champagne because we have.

Pleases give me some coping stratages and please tell me this nonsense will stop. I have tried the this too shall pass but I don't think it will.

Oh god I'm a bitch aren't I?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 23-Mar-14 15:51:52

Is he divorced from her and how long ago?

Forgettable Sun 23-Mar-14 15:52:09

How do you know she is boasting about going out drinking champagne? Do friends tell you? Just ignore, if you can see her fb then just block her, less stress

Wrt meeting you to vet you, nah no need. She cannot control who her children see when they are with their father, or who he lives with, none of her beeswax. In the interests of Keeping the Peace do consider meeting her, suggest a neutral site such as a coffee shop not a home environment.

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 15:53:47

Not divorced but separated since September. She left throw him out because she was having an affair with said boyfriend.

Sorry for the typos.

balia Sun 23-Mar-14 15:54:08

Dating/getting involved with someone with kids means there is baggage and it isn't ever always easy. How long have you been seeing your bf? Are you the first gf he's had since the split?

I'd separate the things that have a direct impact on your relationship from the things that don't. The 'she has to do better' thing is just nonsense, who cares what she does?

But the bit about demanding to meet you and saying your bf can't ever move in (presumably you mean he can't have the DC's over if he does) will have more of an impact. How has your bf reacted to this?

And bottom line the important ones here are the DC's. You need to have as good a relationship with their mum as you can. If this means swallowing a few insults, meeting her when you don't want to, then it is worth it IF it will make things easier for the boys. She may only be insecure/worried about them and things will settle if you show you aren't up for any kind of battle.

Having said that, though, if she is the kind of person who is spiteful or vengeful or who can't see that conflict/bad mouthing Dad and his gf is harmful to the DC's, you might be better to have no contact and make sure your bf takes all steps necessary to ensure that she can't use access to the children to bully and control him.

Have a long discussion with your bf about how he wants to handle it.

DrankSangriaInThePark Sun 23-Mar-14 15:55:20

1. Are they divorced?
2. How old are the children?
3. How do you know all this? He tells you? That would leave me with a very bit hmm face I'm afraid. But about him, not her.
4. How do you all know what each other are doing and where you are all doing it?

It's one of those dreadful Facebook things, isn't it?

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 15:55:27

I know she does because she tells him about it at pick up.

AlpacaLypse Sun 23-Mar-14 15:55:30

Have you been to the step parenting bit of this forum? Lots of good advice for someone in your position there!

Good luck (and welcome smile)

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 15:57:20

Children are 3, 5 and 9. He tells me about it because she tries to wind him up during pick up.

Why would you make that face?

Nope not a facebook thing I don't play my life out on it

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 15:58:07

Thanks alpacalypse I will have a look

AdoraBell Sun 23-Mar-14 15:58:43

Also, keep a meeting in a coffe shop short, you have To be somewhere in 20 mins so only have time for a quick coffeewink. And ít's none of her business where you have To be in 20 mins.

fairylightsintheloft Sun 23-Mar-14 15:59:48

Agree you should look in the step-parenting bit but to me (coming from no relevant experience whatsoever) I would think it not UNreasonable to want to meet a person who will be in some way parenting / caring for your child on a regular basis. A lot of what you describe does sound very petty and silly but with luck things will settle down in time and if you stay with this guy it will be SO much better if you can have a civil relationship. Good luck.

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 16:00:23

Thanks Adora. I don't mind meeting her she kinda has a right but I don't like being called simple.

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 16:01:51

I do plan to stay with him. He is completely amazing and I think he is the one (insert cheese here)

Oldraver Sun 23-Mar-14 16:02:06

Why is she knowing where you go and what you do (drinking champagne), Who has told her this information ?

DrankSangriaInThePark Sun 23-Mar-14 16:04:42

If she's not reading what you're up to on FB, then he's telling her isn't he?

I'd say it's a little bit early to be looking on step-parenting. I'd try relationships first.

And she is not U in the slightest to want to know who her children might be calling step-mother in future.

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 16:05:41

Sorry baila. I have been with him since November and Im the first girlfriend, we have no plans to move in until at least June/July time. He has told me that he will be living with me and its none of her business.

This s my first relationship with a guy with children and an ex wife

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 16:06:59

He isn't telling her but I did post some pics on facebook

nkf Sun 23-Mar-14 16:07:54

Blimey. That is moving in quickly. You must like him a lot.

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 16:10:27

Not really I don't think 7-8 months is quick. I have known him for a while was we grew up locally and are the same age

DrankSangriaInThePark Sun 23-Mar-14 16:11:12

Where is he living now?

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 16:12:01

I just don't get the sort of jealous factor in it. She chose to end the marriage not him. Argh why is nothing ever easy

Justthegirlfriend Sun 23-Mar-14 16:13:19

He lives in his own flat in the town where his children and parents are. It's about 5 mins from my place

AdoraBell Sun 23-Mar-14 16:26:34

My DH's ex also chose To end their marriage, and was living with her boyfriend when DH and I met, but she was still narky at the fact that he had met someoneconfused, it happens sometimes.

KhloeKardashian Sun 23-Mar-14 16:29:13

If I were you I would walk away and ask him to get back in touch when he is divorced.

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