Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Found DP on two dating sites

(89 Posts)
bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 14:04:23

Well last weekend we were looking at new beds and discussing moving in together and this weekend I found him on both Speed Dater and Zoosk!

We had a few ups and downs last year, but thought we had resolved things and that we were moving forward, holidays booked etc. I feel shocked and let down. He is 44 and has never settled, so perhaps commitment issues.

That is it really, just wanted to share. I know there are a lot worse stories on here.

LavenderGreen14 Sun 23-Mar-14 14:17:58

Oh what a shock - how awful. You must feel sick. What you going to do?

AnyFucker Sun 23-Mar-14 14:22:48

How horrible. How did you discover he was on there ?

Hedgehead Sun 23-Mar-14 14:29:55

Did you check he wasn't on those sites before he met you and hadn't cancelled his membership or something? Or did you see that he was actively on there now?

qazxc Sun 23-Mar-14 14:34:20

I was just going to say what hedgehead said. Are these new accounts/ has been active on them recently?

Poppiesway Sun 23-Mar-14 14:36:32

Can I ask why you were on there?
Were you actually looking for him or someone else?

bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 14:39:14

Thanks for your replies. He
has been active on both accounts within the last week. We meet on Speed Dater and this week, I had a strange feeling that something was wrong, and went on and looked. There he was! He denied it and deleted the profile. He then said that he wants no contact with me for a week due to my rudeness! I remembered thinking I had seen a Zoosk icon on his computer a year or so ago and so went on there this morning, wondering what he would be doing for the whole weekend on his own. Again, I found him straight away sad

AnyFucker Sun 23-Mar-14 14:41:57

So, you met on a dating site and he is still active on it, plus another one ?

Assuming you have had the "exclusive" talk and that he would have no expectation of you still checking to see if there anything better on there ...

Dump him

bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 14:46:07

He was adamant about exclusivity from the offset. I was only looking on there for him. My previous partner of 9 years was constantly unfaithful and reading these boards has made me very aware.

He said a few things recently that made my spidery senses twitch, for example asking me whether a photo of him was a good one, and me thinking "that looks like a dating photo".

You are right I need to dump.

ITCouldBeWorse Sun 23-Mar-14 14:58:32

Omg.

He was asking you to help him choose a good pic to attract other women and wants no contact because of your rudeness?

You could not make that up!

Sorry you are disappointed in him. I hope you have not invested too much in him.

Good luck in the future!

bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 15:03:30

My senses were right, the photo he showed me is the one he is using sad

bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 15:07:56

It hurts because I really loved him and was the best girlfriend I could possibly be for him.

Dump him, what a tosser! At least you don't live together so can have a clean break up.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sun 23-Mar-14 15:10:08

Well, inform him you certainly don't want to take the risk of upsetting him again with your 'rude' assumptions that he might be faithful, so best he doesn't contact you again smile

CrumblyMumbly Sun 23-Mar-14 15:13:26

Show him what rudeness really is...

Only1scoop Sun 23-Mar-14 15:13:30

So sorry Op happened to me years ago. He will never change and doesn't deserve you hmm

BecauseIsaidS0 Sun 23-Mar-14 15:14:00

Run. Run like the wind.

bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 15:20:34

Thanks for your messages (thanks)

BecauseIsaidS0 Sun 23-Mar-14 15:25:22

I'd like to add one point: your being a great girlfriend has nothing to do with his choice to cheat (or intend to cheat) on you. Great people get cheated on, and it is not unknown that the cheater does it with someone else who is, eh, not exactly great. Please do not take even an ounce of responsibility for his behaviour.

Only1scoop Sun 23-Mar-14 15:28:00

Absoultely....thank The Lord you didn't move in with him. It was someone about same age who did this to me. There was a thread recently about these 40 plus men on dating sites and most of it true IME.

So sorry Op I know it feels vile.

Smokinmirrors Sun 23-Mar-14 15:52:04

Wish we could name, picture, and out these kinds of men. They're the scum. Other women would be saved the heartache and bullshit.

bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 15:57:42

Thank you all so much for your kind comments, it has really helped.

Agree that it would be great if we had a list of these men who draw us in and tear us apart.

BitOutOfPractice Sun 23-Mar-14 16:02:04

Oh op how gutting for you. I did snort at his outrage at your rudeness though. The brass neck of the man!!

I would love a link to his profile. I'm sure we could have some fun with him <evil>

bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 16:05:06

Ha Ha, I'm sure you could! ;)

LavenderGreen14 Sun 23-Mar-14 16:05:32

Blimey - he is punishing you for your rudeness. You really could not make it up. He is horrible. Just thank your lucky stars you found out now.

I have been where you are - it ain't your fault. He will do this to the next woman, and the next woman after her. Entitled pillock he is. So sorry you are upset.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now