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Xp has called social services. I'm terrified and really upset.

(54 Posts)
30SecondsToVenus Tue 18-Mar-14 14:37:56

Background - I finally left my abusive cocklodger dp I'm December. Since then I've been doing OK, he still tries to control me but I'm wise to it now and don't give in. He has been quite bad recently, turning up whenever he feels like it and it got the point where I had to change the locks because it turned out he still had a key.

He can be very jekyll and Hyde. For example, I'm still insured on his car and he offers it to me if he knows we have appointments or something. I stupidly thought he was just being nice and thinking of us for once but he then started to use it against me for more access and as a form of blackmail. I'll give you the car if you give me dd2 for the night etc, that kind of thing.

He is absolutely useless as a father. He hasn't got a clue how to fit the car seat into the car so he just doesn't bother, he can't fold the pram (9 months on, he still won't let me show him) so dd2 (9mo) just gets carried everywhere, he can't change nappies properly, hasn't a clue how to make a bottle and will not let me show him how. I have never let him have dd2 on his own. He is not capable of looking after her and I'd be too worried that it would be dangerous. He's more interested in his phone and ignores her. He doesn't want to see dd1 on his own, just dd2. Dd1 (4.10) is not his but knows him as daddy. She's very confused.

Both dds have had a sickness bug the past couple of days. The days leading up to them being ill, I was ill and really struggled on my own. I am miles away from friends and family.

He turned up out of the blue a few days ago and the house was a tip because I was ill. Dds were playing happily and I was sitting on the sofa in my pyjamas looking like death. He went off on one about the mess. I'm lazy, disgusting, an unfit mother, his daughter is suffering and he is going to have her removed. I asked him to leave and thought nothing more of it.

He text me later that evening and said he had been in touch with social services and he was going to get custody of dd2. I stupidly replied telling him I was moving to my hometown in the next few weeks (I am, but was waiting for a good moment to tell him) and that he wouldn't be getting her. My hometown is 30 mins away and I can't wait to move back. My family and friends are there, I've got a lovely house with cheap rent and I'm surrounded by parks and countryside.

He is fuming. He has told me I'm not going and that he has called the benefit fraud line and reported me. I'm not claiming fraudulently but I know from experience that they can suspend your claim until they investigate. I'm scared I'm going to be left with no money.

About an hour ago I had a phone call from a social worker letting me know they would be round about 5pm this afternoon. I'm terrified. The house is immaculate and I'm feeling better but the dcs are still ill and I'm scared they will think I've harmed them. I have no idea what xp has told them but it will all be lies because they are well looked after, clean and fed.

Any advice?

I feel sick.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Mar-14 20:47:34

Good luck, 30. You don't deserve any of this shit.

whitesugar Tue 18-Mar-14 20:49:22

It really is a pleasure 30 Secs, I know you won't believe this at the moment you have a great future ahead of you. You should allow yourself to be a little bit excited about what is ahead. Don't think you are alone because you are not and so many of us have been through it and have come out the other side. It's a tough lesson to learn but it is worth it. Next time you see this crap on the horizon you will recognise it and run a mile!

nicename Wed 19-Mar-14 06:51:10

When I was a kid the local newspaper had the equivalent of the 'naughty corner'. It was a column where it named all the local lads who had been picked up by the police for being drunk and disorderly (too many shandys and yelling too loud outside the bowling club mainly) and everyone read it to see who had been up to what. Oh, the shame if a relative was listed!

There should be a 'those making malicious allegations and wasting precious resources' column in local press.

bragmatic Wed 19-Mar-14 07:39:22

Good luck with the move. Does he drive the kids around without the carseat? That would be enough for me not to allow access. Not in a tit for tat way, but I genuinely think it's very dangerous.

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