Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Straw poll.... 'I've not been happy for some time' = OW/OM

(79 Posts)
CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Mar-14 08:54:13

Indulge me MN-ers. I personally got the 'I've not been happy for some time' line and it turned out to mean 'I've met someone else'. Mealy-mouthed variations would be 'I don't know what I want any more', 'I've never really loved you', 'I'm not sure if I still love you'.

So have you had one of these lines and did it eventually turn out to be an OW/OM?

barnet Tue 18-Mar-14 08:57:32

Well I haven't been happy for sometime (female). And it doesnt mean I've got someone on the side. It means i'm sad about the state of my marriage.

LavenderGreen14 Tue 18-Mar-14 08:59:19

Yes to the line and yes to the OW. Laughable in his predictability.

Alchemist Tue 18-Mar-14 09:00:48

Yes, OW.

Greenrememberedhills Tue 18-Mar-14 09:03:04

Yes. On a weekend away he said that things had changed and that we had real problems. It turned out years later actually that his new ow habit was what had changed.

CrispyHedgeHog Tue 18-Mar-14 09:06:01

Yes.. he said he wasn't happy.. and within a couple of weeks I discovered OW

basgetti Tue 18-Mar-14 09:07:27

Yes, my first marriage. His 'feelings had changed' and he wasn't sure why. It was OW.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Mar-14 09:07:39

'Things have changed and we have real problems'.... sounds familiar. smile

BeforeAndAfter Tue 18-Mar-14 09:09:10

Yep. Although he didn't say anything until I started playing 20 questions with him, along the line of "something's wrong, tell me" for a few weeks.

Then he followed the good ol' script:

"I don't feel the same way any more"
"I need some time away to rediscover my feelings for you" (the only thing he was feeling while away was the OW...)

Of course the OW had been on the scene for eight months by then.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Mar-14 09:11:24

Adding 'feelings have (mysteriously) changed' and 'don't feel the same way' to the relationship phrase book.

LavenderGreen14 Tue 18-Mar-14 09:11:56

Is funny how it came as a bolt out of the blue. One day saying how much he loved me, the next day the spark had gone, he was going to leave for a few weeks to see if he would fall back in love, etc...

How do they all know to follow exactly the same pattern and cliches - are they all members of a secret forum where they are told what to do. Unfathfulgitnet.com or sommat?

Keepithidden Tue 18-Mar-14 09:12:32

I'd be very surprised if you straw poll rated anything less than about 90% OW/OM existence Cog. It's likely to be even higher here than in RL too, despite MN being a reasonably accurate reflection of RL (note I'm not a Population Statistician).

FWIW though, I'm with barnet. It's very easy to go from, "I'm not happy" to "I've not been happy for some time" to "I don't know what I want anymore" etc... Love does die in relationships after all, I have a bit of faith in a lot of people admitting this before jumping on the bones of someone else. Maybe unrealistically tho'.

Keepithidden Tue 18-Mar-14 09:13:38

"How do they all know to follow exactly the same pattern and cliches - are they all members of a secret forum where they are told what to do."

The best lies are those that just subvert the truth.

CurtWild Tue 18-Mar-14 09:15:12

Yes. Stbxh said this..turned out he was having EA (and later admitted it had been 'physical' once), with 18 year. Started about three weeks after I gave birth to DD1, dragged it out for another three months after I found out because she didn't deserve to be hurt confused. Nice.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Mar-14 09:15:15

Same here Lavender. I got 'let's try for a baby' just a few days before 'I've not been happy for some time'. I think - being quite clinical about it - it's almost like they give themselves one last grand gesture shot at being enthusiastic about 'Old Woman' as a way to convince themselves that it really isn't working & they want 'New Woman'.

LavenderGreen14 Tue 18-Mar-14 09:18:24

I just cannot comprehend the behaviour quite frankly - mind you with my ex it was all about control and bullying. The whole relationship was, shame I didn't see it at the time. Good riddance - OW is welcome to him.

NotNewButNameChanged Tue 18-Mar-14 09:27:51

No. I've been in a relationship where my feelings did change, I became much less happy about the relationship and there was no other woman in sight (and I was single for a good two years after the split)

Sk002 Tue 18-Mar-14 09:32:44

I haven't been happy for a long time. There is no OM. In fact, if anything, OH has put me off men for life. Well, for a long time anyway.

BramblePie Tue 18-Mar-14 10:00:53

I was the one who said it and yes there was OM.

I didn't want to hurt my partner by saying that so i said i hadnt been happy for some time and i guess that was true really.

I don't love you and yes an OW

moonfacebaby Tue 18-Mar-14 12:10:54

Mine went from a Christmas card telling me he was so proud of all we'd achieved & more in love than ever to a few months later - I'm not sure how I feel anymore. A fraught month or so from me & some clever digging, then found the OW.

He'd been unhappy for a while apparently - would have been nice to know that before I'd had our second child. His affair started when DD2 was just 4 months old.

He was so scripted, it was bloody laughable - every ducking cliche under the sun eg. Younger woman, work colleague, then it was all my fault (and still is, apparently)....

moonfacebaby Tue 18-Mar-14 12:11:36

Fucking - not ducking!

LineRunner Tue 18-Mar-14 12:15:15

OW #1 = 'I think I'll sleep in the spare room tonight to give you some rest' [I was 7 months pregnant]

OW #2 = 'I'm leaving you. There isn't anyone else.' [DCs 3 and 5]

I fucked him right off after that.

CashmereHoodlum Tue 18-Mar-14 12:27:32

Yes and yes. Also, for about a year before I found out I read the relationships forum avidly. Never bothered before that. The affair had been going on for 18 months when I found out.

FolkGirl Tue 18-Mar-14 12:32:10

Yes and OW.

I would say though, that I was also unhappy (largely down to his behaviour) but I wouldn't have cheated.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now